Woman manual

[gonefishie]

Is there a manual out there for touchy, highly sensitive and insecure(according to her) or am I screwed? It seem that everything I've said lately set her off and upset her. I didn't said anything mean or anything. She said it's because my tone of voice that make her mad. My tone of voice is the same with anything I says. She got all mad when I said the corn on the cob need to be cook a little longer. Am I wrong for telling her what she didn't do right? she feel that my constructive criticism make her feel like nothing she do is good enough for me. Horsepoop.....why must everything be blown up and dramatized out of proportion? She got mad when I said she shouldn't do sit up because it bad for the back and she should do crunches instead. Anyway, do you guys and girls think I should get an operating manual for this particular girl or get a different girlfriend? I haven't had a girlfriend who could goes from love me one minute to hate me the next.

 

[scrapper]

Re: Woman manual

Apon intencesive study over the years , I found 4 words to keep the warden happy and me out of poop! they are as follows :::
1. Right,
2. YES,
3. OK,
4. SORRY .
Practce these words everyday and say them often and you will live a happy life!8)d8)

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Woman manual

With all due respect GF your comments could be taken as a bit controlling.

Although your intention was to be helpful, you are coming across as critical or overbearing, at least to her. Sometimes its a throwback to the way our father's treated us and we don't want another father, we want a partner.

Just back off a little or try making suggestions that would encourage her. Leave out remarks about her cooking entirely, and when dealing with an exercise issue maybe ask her if she's really into it, why not join a class. She will learn the right way to do things there.

I know it might seem trivial to you but repeated patterns of what she considers overbearing will hurt your relationship. Soon she will become extremely defensive and begin to take everything you say as criticism.

It's not time for a new girlfriend. Just alter your approach about things a little. I know you mean well, but some women are very sentsitive about being controlled or made to feel like they don't measure up. Relationships have to be nutured and sometimes it takes a little work.

Good luck!

 

[fireman57]

Re: Woman manual

I'm not touching this one.

 

[rwise]

Re: Woman manual

and sometimes you put all the work you can into it, when it was really time to move on. BTDT! Whatever you do, good luck!

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Woman manual

I'm not touching this one.

Hey, he asked. Just saying it straight up from a woman's perspective.

 

[gonefishie]

Re: Woman manual

Wow LF! you're right on with the part of her father being very critical about her and she feel that she don't measure up. She already is being very defensive and took a lot of stuff as criticism. Thanks for your help. BTW, how should I go about handling the cooking stuff because she isn't very good at it? .:'(

 

[rottenray6402]

Re: Woman manual

Women are just like buses, there is another one coming along as I write this. After going through many relationships and hearing how it is my fault for almost everything I finally found my perfect mate. It has been almost 2 years now and we have never had an argument. We both admit when we do something dumb but she is different than most women (no offense LF). With her she lets me be who I am and loves me just like I am. I feel the same way about her and it is working for us. Good luck!

 

[Serentiy]

Re: Woman manual

Hello I'm with your girlfriend on this also. you do sound controlling You should be greatfull that she is working out. if something is hurting her don't you think she would feel it? YOU need to put your self in her shoes. What if she told you " YOU dont know how to drive and that you should have never been issued a licence" How would you feel? ON the cooking Maybe if you all cook together say food that you have never ate before get a cook book and go by that TOGETHER. She needs a friend not a watch dog. She is a grownup not a child. Do on to others a you would have be done to you. and whats good for the gooose is good for the gander.
Serenity

 

[gonefishie]

Re: Woman manual

cool, another woman perspective! Controlling or not, she shouldn't be mad at me and took my comment as me giving her pointer instead of criticizing her. I have a six pack (it's not very visible like it once was, but still there when I flex my ab) so I know about ab work out. If she told me I don't know how to drive and shouldn't have never been issued a license? I wouldn't be offended at all but instead would laugh my hiney off. d Now if I told her that, she would make me get out of the car and walk.

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Woman manual

I actually had my wife admit that she will get POed just cause she wants to fight and drive me nuts.

:%:'(

Ken

 

[fireman57]

Re: Woman manual

No offense to you LF but I just saw it as a no win situation. The reason being is that someone was going to come out the bad guy and that is not fair. There is give and take both ways, or there should be. Since gonfishie has been the same person all his life and she has known him for a while she knows exactly how the tone of his voice works. If it set her off at the beginning of the relationship it will continue to set her off for the rest of it. She know this going in and now doesn't like it and wants HIM to change. If she knows in her heart that he isn't trying to be mean or critical then she needs to get used to the voice. I'm sure that when she asked for help and he helps her it is the same voice. My mom's voice was like that. She could say "Good Morning" to you and it would set your teeth on edge. When I was about 12 I figured out that it was just her voice and not her feelings.
I'm sure there are things that she does that annoy him too. They just need to hash this out.

 

[Ron G]

Re: Woman manual

"Leave out remarks about her cooking entirely, and when dealing with an exercise issue maybe ask her if she's really into it, why not join a class. She will learn the right way to do things there."
This are 2 things ive learned to never talk about.i use to critize about cooking well i thought i was helping but i was critizing.so i let her do it her way and say its very good.as the other all in do time and what serinity says gota treat her like you would want to be treated,i had to step back and look at myself.but it work out.

But what do i know i still stay in the dog housed

 

[levittownnick]

Re: Woman manual

Be a MAN. Stand up to her. Don't take any of her crap. Let her know that you can get someone who cooks better than her.

After all she deserves better and this will free her up.

 

[RubberFrog]

Re: Woman manual

Be a MAN. Stand up to her. Don't take any of her crap. Let her know that you can get someone who cooks better than her.

After all she deserves better and this will free her up.

I'm with Nick.

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Woman manual

No offense to you LF but I just saw it as a no win situation. The reason being is that someone was going to come out the bad guy and that is not fair. There is give and take both ways, or there should be. Since gonfishie has been the same person all his life and she has known him for a while she knows exactly how the tone of his voice works. If it set her off at the beginning of the relationship it will continue to set her off for the rest of it. She know this going in and now doesn't like it and wants HIM to change. If she knows in her heart that he isn't trying to be mean or critical then she needs to get used to the voice. I'm sure that when she asked for help and he helps her it is the same voice. My mom's voice was like that. She could say "Good Morning" to you and it would set your teeth on edge. When I was about 12 I figured out that it was just her voice and not her feelings.
I'm sure there are things that she does that annoy him too. They just need to hash this out.

Non taken fireman. I just know that we all have our moments (both male and female) thinking before we speak can sometimes be the best thing to do. Who the heck wants to fight all the time. I personally avoid fights if the race isn't worth the prize. I understand what you are saying about getting to know someone's voice and how they could come across differently than they intend but the flip side of that coin is that the other person is being hurt. Only open communication will resolve that issue.

GF how long have you two been seeing eachother? Maybe thats the important question here.

 

[technostingray]

Re: Woman manual

Be a MAN. Stand up to her. Don't take any of her crap. Let her know that you can get someone who cooks better than her.

After all she deserves better and this will free her up.

I'm with Nick.
I think you are stretching a bit on this one latex. := := := :=

 

[gonefishie]

Re: Woman manual

After all she deserves better and this will free her up

What are you trying to say?:|
LF> we have been together for 8 months, plenty of time to know how I sounds.

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Woman manual

Well then, I guess you can chaulk it up to plain ole defensivness due to ultra sensitivity about being told what to do for whatever reason.

I admire you for having enough interest in her to try and fix whatever's wrong.

----------------------------
Thought for today:
You can't change the direction of the wind, but you can always adjust your sails.
--------------------------------

 

[fireman57]

Re: Woman manual

LF, the fighting is not much fun but sometimes the making up is worth it. gone, all I can tell you is that you can talk to her about this once and if it doesn't work then it doesn't work. If she is that ultra sensitive about this then I'm sure there are other things bothering her too. There are probably other things bothering you but this is high on the list for both of you. I'm just afraid that, maybe, with her if this gets resolved then she will go to the next thing on her list that bothers her about you and it will be a never ending cycle. I'm not trying to put her down in any way, shape, or for, because I don't know her. I can only go by what you have said about her.