Daughters Boyfriend

[SS MAYFLOAT]

In response to the past problems of her boyfirend, I took the advice on trying to make peace with him.

I first tried to call him,,,,,,,,he wouldn't answer his phone. So I used a friends phone. He answered and once he knew it was me,,,,he hung up.

Second attempt,,,,, I got his address and wrote him a letter,,,,

Dear Art,

We are trying to reach out a make a peace offering. We would like to meet with you in a public place and work things out. We are not wanting to continue with fighting on who is right. Its not the issue anymore. Please respond and let us know where and when to meet. Thank You


His reponse was this,,,,,the letter was returned to sender, but the contents of the envelope was removed, ripped up, stuffed back in it, and mailed back.

Okay,,,,,I took the advice and made the attempt by phone and mail. Like I said, he is very controlling and things has to be his way. (No his last name aint BUSH)

I was watching a segment on Dr Phil about parents lying to their children. In most cases it seperated the children from their parent. They lose their trust and build somewhat of a hatred to their parent. I guess this is when time will tell. Just hurtfull that our granddaughters growing years will be missed by us.

At least, my wife and I made an attempt to make an unwillingly peace...................SS

 

[rwise]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

SS dont give up yet, I dont know how long this has been this way. It will take time. If he will not talk maybe she will, does she have a cell phone? if so call her just to chat. These guys thst try to split a girl from her family are bad news, one day she will need/want help. Try to move to a position that she will trust you to help her when she is ready. And never say anything bad about him to her, she will not be ready for that until he is out of her life and then it don't mater. My oldest is getting rid of one like that now, she does the talking bad about him. When she called her mother and I (devorced long ago) we went over and removed him from her home. When the cops showed up we filed charges against him and with everything playing out (at this time) the way it has so far he will be looking at a year or more in jail (YES!) it has taken about a year for her to see that this clown is not for her. The bad thing is he would still be in her life (hitting her and all) but he stood her up for her birthday (the 4th of this month) and did not even call her.
Hang in there she will need you and her Mom!

 

[rmmpe]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

About the only thing I think you can do for now is to make absolutely certain she knows you reached-out to him because of your love and caring for her.

I know it'll be hard for you for a while but the rest will take care of itself.

As my Mom said to me when I was having a similar problem; "Leave them alone and they'll come home". She was absolutely right and I am now very close to my kids.

Later in life my Wife was having the same problem with her Daughter. I told her the same thing. Ya know what? The Daughter returned and they are closer than ever now.

I now it's hard and you have my best wishes.

Patience, my friend, patience.

 

[Kenneth Brown]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

Well I got this dude I know over on the west side in Chicago....................

 

[12Footer]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

SS, count your blessings, bro. Click this old post from 2003, and toggle-down to my second reply in it.
It needs to be updated tho, as some people do wake up when reality bites them on the arse....
He was saved in the big house. He came out a different person. He has been sober since, and has been a great father, husband, and productive member of the human race again. The daughter still adores him, but I kind of watch him. I can never fully trust him, even though I forgave him. He is human after all.
But just wanted you to know, there is always hope and prayer. We willl pray Art wakes up and soon.

 

[rolmops]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

Well I got this dude I know over on the west side in Chicago....................

Sometimes..., Ah forget it .It not worth going to prison for.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

Thanks guys,,,not much really we can really do except waiting for the hours and days to pass.

Special thanks to 12er for bringing up that old post. I do remember that topic. Even with your situation, time passed and things got better.

Limited Time and KB has the thoughts that I have toward this clown. However I don't want to be the negihborhood prison biotch. I got a life with other grand children that soaks up more love than I can seem to give them.

My wife came home from work friday saying she has a nurse friend that is married to a local LEO. She is going to find out if any heat can be put on this guy. Maybe getting him marked by the other LEOs will make him nervous enough to do something stupid for himself.

 

[WillyBWright]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

My state has online court records. Perhaps yours does too. It might be enlightening to look him up and maybe present your daughter with pertinent information (if any). Leave the traffic tickets out, but anything violent or domestic should be brought to her attention. It didn't seem to make much difference in my situation since the stepdaughter is still with the clod, but as least she's aware. In my case, there are previous domestic issues with the boyfriend.

Beware of retribution. I'd like to say Been-there, but it's still in the present tense.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

Had a similar issue with one of our daughters. The only advice I can give you is to let them know that whatever and whenever you will always be there for them no questions asked. Let her know that you love her no matter what and that the only thing that is important is that she is O.K. Worked for us as she is now a great kid with a well adjusted attitude. They have to hit the bottom rung sometimes in order to climb back up on a permanent basis. She now has a great partner that we respect that loves her dearly and puts her constantly before himself. We get along great with him also........BUT.......it took time to let her find it for herself.

 

[bassboy1]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

We have a friend whose husband is doing that right now. He has basically put the family in debt, is divorcing, and is being the biggest *****HOLE you will ever meet. When he goes to get his stuff out of the house, or pick up the children, dad has to go over there, and make it known that he is carrying a loaded 357 mag in a hip holster. He took the kids on vacation last summer, and he and his parents were insulting the kids to there faces. He is trying to gain control and leave his ex screwed for life. He files for bankruptcy to avoid paying child support, yet he is paying for a 2500 a MONTH apartment. Then, when the judge ruled he had to pay, he was asking for receipts for the last two years. He wouldn't pay a penny without any receipts. He has now sold the house, and asked them to move out within a couple months, but has left nothing for them to buy another house with. She will not know how much she has until after they were out of the other house for a month. She has four kids, and will need as big a house as she can afford, but has no clue how much to spend. He has done his absolute best to make her life miserable, including bribing a realtor to lie under oath in the most recent court. Don't just let time pay this one through. Something - I am not sure what - needs to be done.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

We have a friend whose husband is doing that right now. He has basically put the family in debt, is divorcing, and is being the biggest *****HOLE you will ever meet. When he goes to get his stuff out of the house, or pick up the children, dad has to go over there, and make it known that he is carrying a loaded 357 mag in a hip holster. He took the kids on vacation last summer, and he and his parents were insulting the kids to there faces. He is trying to gain control and leave his ex screwed for life. He files for bankruptcy to avoid paying child support, yet he is paying for a 2500 a MONTH apartment. Then, when the judge ruled he had to pay, he was asking for receipts for the last two years. He wouldn't pay a penny without any receipts. He has now sold the house, and asked them to move out within a couple months, but has left nothing for them to buy another house with. She will not know how much she has until after they were out of the other house for a month. She has four kids, and will need as big a house as she can afford, but has no clue how much to spend. He has done his absolute best to make her life miserable, including bribing a realtor to lie under oath in the most recent court. Don't just let time pay this one through. Something - I am not sure what - needs to be done.

If they both have legal representation and this scenario is going on then she needs to have a lawyer that knows the laws and rules and regulations for an interim order.

 

[bassboy1]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

If they both have legal representation and this scenario is going on then she needs to have a lawyer that knows the laws and rules and regulations for an interim order.

She has a lawyer, but he as delayed the trial 5 times, 3 times due to lawyer changes. The main trial was supposed to happen a year and a half ago. There is nothing illegal about delaying a trial for a lawyer change, but he is just stalling. He stays within the limits more or less, but the limits are not clearly defined, or logical. As for paying the realter to lie, she knows him well enough to know he did it, but has no proof, so can't point fingers.
We have had to "borrow" a couple of things that are on the her list from the judge, so he doesn't have the ability to damage them. He is almost mentally ill, and is doing his best to make her life suck.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

Just suprised that no one has put a strong "interim" order in place to encourage a quick "full" settlement.

 

[rwise]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

bassboy that jerk may not have the legal right to sell the house while it is tied up in court, and yes she needs freinds and a damn good lawyer!

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

A good judge when presented with the scenario by a decent and agressive lawyer can and will put a very strong interim order in place that will encourage the apparently troublesome party to settle for both their best interests in a hurry. A good judge will see through the horse poop screen very easily....but it must be presented to him properly for him or her to act. They can only base a decision on what they hear not what they think.

 

[bassboy1]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

Things are getting better for her with the new job. Well, aside from not knowing how much money she has to buy a house. She is moving to a rental later this week, and having most of her stuff going into storage.
Right now the biggest issue is the 13 year old daughter refuses to have any contact with the dufus, even though he has some rights. Mom and dad have been trying to get her to live with it, as they cannot spend nights with him per the judges order. If she keeps refusing, problems could start as he is a control freak, and does not take well to the word no. Things have gotten better, as the judge has learned some of the crap (not all) and someone is always over whenever dufus comes to pick up stuff or the kids. He wont make a scene with others around.

 

[SuperNova]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

I don't like to put this idea in any woman's head, but if she really wants to mess up his life bad (convicted felon bad) all she has to do is file a PFA against him. She doesn't need to prove anything, and it will be on his record forever. It is almost as bad a mark as being an ex-con. It is a mean, spiteful, vicious thing to do and it sounds like it is the perfect move for her.
--
Stan

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

Things are getting better for her with the new job. Well, aside from not knowing how much money she has to buy a house. She is moving to a rental later this week, and having most of her stuff going into storage.
Right now the biggest issue is the 13 year old daughter refuses to have any contact with the dufus, even though he has some rights. Mom and dad have been trying to get her to live with it, as they cannot spend nights with him per the judges order. If she keeps refusing, problems could start as he is a control freak, and does not take well to the word no. Things have gotten better, as the judge has learned some of the crap (not all) and someone is always over whenever dufus comes to pick up stuff or the kids. He wont make a scene with others around.

That sounds a lot more promising than further up this thread. Good for her going to a rental for the short term.
Sounds like the judge is reading just what this "dufus" is really about with the no overnight's thing. My advice for her with her 13 year olds situation would be to apply for the "dufus" to have only supervised access to the children at a supervised access centre. They arrange a time and duration for the visit. Both parties go into different entrances and leave by seperate exits at diffeent times. Then if the daughter refuses to see him or acts up and creates any sort of scene regading seeing him it will be on record for future reference by the judge.
If he is truly the control freak you describe then she should have the interim order keeping him away from a certain distance of her residence except for pre arranged visits to pick children up etc.
Then if he is seen in the area by anyone and have another witness he is liable to be arrested and taken to jail.
One visit quite often cools them down.

 

[rwise]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

she has the right NOT to see him if she so desires.

 

[RubberFrog]

Re: Daughters Boyfriend

SS, sounds like you already tried pimp slapping this guy.
How are things going with your new approach?