I am a little angry with my mother!

[jcsftwre]

To all of you older Sea Dogs please take this to heart.

My mother died last night needlessly and had a very painful excruciating death. Why? Because she would not go to the doctor and talk about her medical problems, that?s why.

She was only 78 years old and I know if asked she would say that she wanted to live. She still had long term planes for her life. But she had been having pain and problems going to the bathroom. Still she would not talk to the doctor and do anything about it.

Yesterday afternoon my sister had to call 911 for help even thogh my mom screamed NO! They took her to the hospital, done emergency surgery. My sister and I got there as soon as we could.

It was to late to save her. Her small intestines had died, all of them. They closed her up and the doctor come out and told me and my sister that they would keep her in a drug inducted comas until she died. If they where to let her wake up they said it would be inhumane to do so.

They said if she came in a week ago they would have saved her life and would have lived another 10 or 15 years. My sister told her she needed to go back then but she said no.

I am not looking for condolences (although if done, thank you) what I want is this?.

If you?re the type that don?t go to the doctors for medical help because ?the hospital is for dying people?

Please go so I will not have to be the one giving my condolences to "your" children.

For me and my sister to know that my mom?s last four hours of life was that of a shear hell of torment, pain, agony, screaming for her mommy is not a fare memory to leave to us for the rest of our lives.

Please think about this and go to the doctor.

Rick

P.S.
I did love my mother and want you to know the point ot this is if you have been putting off going please go so your loved ones can be with you longer.

 

[SuzukiChopper]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

I'm only 26 but just over a year ago I put off going to the hospital, had an infection. Needless to say I finally gave in on a Friday night because of the pain and constant feeling of needing air. Turned out I had Diabetic Acidosis spurred on the by the infection. Dr said I would have been dead Saturday morning if I hadn't went in. Whether you like it or not, my condolences to you and your sister because this really hits home for me and now I do everything I can to make people at least see a Dr in a clinic if they don't feel quite right!

 

[Kiwi Phil]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

Please accept my sincere condolances Rick.
I feel for you.

My Mum was a surgical ward Sister.
After retirement, and at 69yr of age, she use to complain of 'having the stitch' in her side.
She use to swim and bike every day but that became less. Just slowed down.
Finally went to the Dr...after months of this.....dead 6 weeks later....liver cancer spread from some form of cancer in the part of the intestine that deals with fluid or something, with little discomfort.
All because of self diagnosis.
I am a bxggar for going to the Dr. Fortunately my wife makes the appointment and tells me to 'be there'.

I certainly understand your point....might just have to change my attitude.
Thanks.
Cheers
Phillip

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

Sorry for your loss Rick. There are no words to lessen your loss, nothing but time, the support of family and friends will ease your pain. The preventable issue must only add to the anger and sadness you, and your family and friends feel today. Prayers for all those touched by this loss.

 

[tommays]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

Very sorry about your mom


My mother did the same thing because of her fear of being sent to a nursing home

 

[JB]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

I feel for you, JC. It is always painful to lose a loved one.

I wonder how your Mom would have explained what happened had she survived.

Since I have so many healthcare pros in the family I wouldn't get away with ignoring symptoms, but I need to say a word about old folks and healthcare.

We don't view healthcare and death the way we did when young and robust. There are things that we view as worse than dying, and for the most part we don't fear dying nearly as much as we fear. . .
. . .spending years disabled
. . .losing our mental facilities
. . .becoming a care burden on our children
. . .being wiped out financially by medical bills

Many of us begin to look forward to what we believe about an afterlife: reunion with long departed loved ones and freedom from any pain, physical or mental. My own Mother told me, at about 85, that she really wanted to (not just "ready to") be with all her childhood friends and the many loves of her life. (I have to wonder how she dealt with three husbands at once, assuming that her expectations were fulfilled.)

Perhaps your Mom felt that health care was an option that costs more than it is worth.

 

[HappierWet]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

Please accept my condolences for your loss.

 

[wewefirex2x]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

I lost my mother Dec 2007. This time of year sucks right now. She did go to the doctor but could not figure out what was wrong. She had a softball size tumor on her liver which spread to her bile duct. When is was caught it was already stage 4.

I sad to say but you cannot let the little things bother you when it comes to family. Once they are gone it feels like, I shoulda did, coulda did and didnt do. I am 28 years old and my kids will not have grandparents.

I feel for you Rick, I just hope she has all of her financials in order. My mother did and I am still dealing with the recurrence of paperwork till this day.

 

[57whitehouse]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

May God give you comfort at this time.

I am glad you shared this, so others may take action.

 

[aspeck]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

I am sorry about your loss. You and your sister are in my thoughts and prayers today. My prayer is that the memory of the last hours will be overtaken by the years of good memories that you had with your mom here on this earth. Do your best to remember them.

As for your mom's reluctance to go to a doctor, I understand that and being on the EMS side of the fire department I also see it almost daily. There is often the feeling that it is MY body and I know what is best for it. Or, as Tommays said, if I go this way, then I will end up in a nursing home, or the many excellent reasons that JB gave. But whatever the reason, it is justified in the person's eyes, or they would not do it.

Don't be hard on yourself ... you did what you could, Mom didn't want to go to the hospital. Don't be hard on your Mom, she had her reasons for not wanting to go. Yes, it MIGHT have saved her life (I say might, because you just never know ... they said chemo would save my FIL, he did it, got sick ... so sick that his feeding tube was ripped out in the vomiting. This aggravated the area and inflamed the cancer and sent it all through his body. Today it is a waiting game as we watch his health decline every day with no possible treatment.) You just never know what could have happened, or what might have been.

So don't be mad at your mom, but cherish every good memory. And my God's peace rest upon you.

 

[wewefirex2x]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

Don't be hard on yourself ... you did what you could, Mom didn't want to go to the hospital. Don't be hard on your Mom, she had her reasons for not wanting to go. Yes, it MIGHT have saved her life (I say might, because you just never know ... So don't be mad at your mom, but cherish every good memory. And my God's peace rest upon you.

Agreed, I deal with this everyday and it's not worth the pain.....

 

[LadyFish]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

Oh wow, I'm sincerely sorry for your loss. And, I thank you for the reminder to all of us too stubborn to go to the doctors. It's selfish.

 

[rightcoastrob]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

First off im very sorry for your loss.I lost my father suddenly to a heart attack when i was younger dr,s told us it was easly prevented.And yet my father refused to see any dr,s about it kept it a secret actually.My mother was crushed totally that was her high school boyfreind that was all she knew.But at any rate 10 yrs pass bye of me not taking care of myself i wasnt even 38 yet and had a massive heart attack.Due to a messed up kidney.Spent a week in cardic icu.But at any rate i used to get mad when id think about my father ignoring his problem and leaving me to pick up the peices of my mother..Dont hang onto those mad feelings for to long they may not go away.It,s just not the way to go.

 

[Beefer]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

So sorry for your loss.

I'm going to call my mom and read your post to her. She's 75, widowed, and has the same attitude about doctors/hospitals.

As already said, don't be mad at your mom, she had her reasons, selfish or not, but they were hers. Her passing caused you to write this post, which may in turn keep someone else's mom/dad/grandparent alive for longer.

May you find solace in your memories.

 

[Bass Man Bruce]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

Very sorry for your loss Rick.
Thanks for the advise on not ignoring symptoms.
I think all the above thoughts and opinions are spot on.

 

[oops!]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

i read this earlier but needed time to respond.......

my deepest sympathys for you and your family

i lost a best friend at the age of 34 due to the same thing......his wife begged him to see a doctor....his chest pains were getting worse....finally he made an appointment for a few days away ........he didnt live to see the appointment......

he left a 6 month old baby and a young wife.

 

[Kenneth Brown]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

My grandfather died when he was 33, mom was only 4 at the time. No male has ever lived past the age of 61 on my moms sideof the family, ever. I'm 34 now and feel like I'm living on borrowed time already. I've taken BP pills since I was 20. I'm overweight and out of shape, smoke about 1/3 a pack and 1/4 a can of snuff a day. If I make it anywhere to near your mothers age he11 might freeze over. Cherish the good times you had together and know that in her heart and mind she had a great life and was comfortable with it ending.

 

[linkster01]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

My condolences to you and your family. I lost my Mom about a year and a half ago (she was 49). She had a drinking problem which she only kept in check enough to assure me and My sister could live normal lives. After I moved out she spiraled further into drinking and depression. She was a sweet loving woman but had some serious demons that she couldn't beat. I got married in June 2007 and she passed away in August 2007 of Alcohol withdrawal seizures. I write all of this to point out a lesson that only God himself could open my eyes to "when one door closes, another one will ALWAYS, open after it".
The day of my moms funeral me and my wife received a call from our doctor stating my wife was pregnant! I now have a happy healthy six month old boy. I often wish my mother could see her grandson in person(her reaction to the news would have been priceless) But I know she is watching over us. My son keeps me busy, keeps me excited about fishing with him when he gets older. Hope you can find the door that was opened after your mothers passing.

 

[Caveman Charlie]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

My condolences for your loss.

Going to a doctor is expensive. And, they always freak out over my cholesterol level. I understand that is was a different deal with your mom but, sometimes the cure is worse then the disease.

 

[jcsftwre]

Re: I am a little angry with my mother!

One of the unfortunate things in this situation, my mother had free medical.

My pop?s was retired military and when he passed away some 10 years ago his retirement went on to cover my mom. She did not have to worry about that.

The real problem was (and this is the real truth) we could not get her to leave the stupid TV set. She sat in front of that for 10 to 16 hours a day every day for the last 30 years. The TV was her life.

One somewhat positive thing out of this was that I was able to see some of my relatives that I have not seen for the last 20 to 30 years because I was traveling about the world.

Thank you all for your very kind words and for sharing your experiences. I do come to read them and they do help me make me feel a little better in their own way.