Coastguard Tales

[stan_deezy]

Well after all these years of being at iboats I never knew this part of the forum existed! (should have scrolled down more!)<br /><br />I spent years in the Coastguard (UK) and have seen loads of Stupid Human Tricks, in fact enough to fill a book but here's a taster to start with:<br /><br />Called out whilst on routine patrol to a 29' cruiser which had run aground on the Isle of Arran (Scotland) at Lamlash. There is a jetty there but only one side is safe: the other is shallow water and rocky: clearly marked though. Anyway, our intrepid master mariner hadn't bothered reading the signs or the Pilotage for that area.<br />47' Waveney Class Lifeboat was tasked to assist and pull him off at high water. We stood by to assist.<br />The haul off was successful and with the owner on the flybridge he waved and shouted "thanks" and then decided to leave in a hurry to curtail his embarrasment: pushing both throttles fully forwards whilst still waving at us: only the boat was still pointing at the beach <br /><br />This time he was beached a good ten to twelve up the beach, both props and shafts clearly visible, and at high water <br /><br />He came up on Channel 16 and asked if we could tow him back off again to which the reply was:<br /><br />"Negative, we don't carry a tractor"

 

[Triton II]

Re: Coastguard Tales

Got any photos? It would be awesome to see this 29 footer beached, preferably with the owner still waving from his pulpit!

 

[stan_deezy]

Re: Coastguard Tales

Unfortunately not, digital cameras weren't around in those days and salt water didn't do good things to the film in the old camera so I never carried one: wish I had though I would have had some great pictures. I'll maybe do a hunt though becuase the local paper might have got some pictures: I know it did when a navy minesweeper grounded in the same bay a few years later; very red faces all around on that one

 

[Triton II]

Re: Coastguard Tales

I remember flying over a big bay in north-western england and sometimes there was heaps of sand and not much water - other times it was all water. Just south of the Scottish border and north west of the Lake District and west of Carlisle. Wonderful scenery, but old age has set in and I can't remember the name? Any idea?

 

[Triton II]

Re: Coastguard Tales

Hmm, Morecombe Bay?

 

[stan_deezy]

Re: Coastguard Tales

Morecambe Bay is south f carlisle; but could have been the solway; it's very tidal and sandy too

 

[brother chris]

Re: Coastguard Tales

What a way to get out of an embarassing moment...get into another one. Geesh!

 

[Triton II]

Re: Coastguard Tales

Yep, thanks for refreshing my memory... it was the Solway Firth, a magnificent part of the UK. Must be a bugga to boat in though with those big tides and huge sandbars everywhere!

 

[stan_deezy]

Re: Coastguard Tales

Yeah Triton II, the Solway is a pain for boaters but a nightmare for Coastguard: the incoming tide is very very fast; the number of rescues that occur due to "pedestrians" out walking on the sands is quite high, and regular!

 

[Capt Joe]

Re: Coastguard Tales

"Must be a bugga to boat in though with those big tides and huge sandbars"<br /><br />Triton II, you don't have to go to the UK for that, We have big tides and sand bars here, plus plenty of rocks thrown in for good measure. Of course, if you wish to wander across the "dry" sand bar you have to beat the crocs back to the boat. Wouldn't live anywhere else.

 

[Triton II]

Re: Coastguard Tales

if you wish to wander across the "dry" sand bar you have to beat the crocs back to the boat.

<br /><br />At least it gives you an incentive to keep fit!

 

[Dunaruna]

Re: Coastguard Tales

I would happily try and avoid the crocs if the prize was a big barra

 

[Capt Joe]

Re: Coastguard Tales

Dunaruna - also the temperure is a bit warmer than you had this week. Snow on the coast! - never saw it in 50+ years in Western District of Vic. Where's that global warming when you need it?

 

[stan_deezy]

Re: Coastguard Tales

Then of course there were the stupid human telephone calls or radio messages...........<br /><br />The scene: sitting one Sunday afternoon in the control tower; telephone rings, its a woman worried that her husband has been out all day on his yacht and hasn't called her.<br /><br />Me: "Can you give me a description of the vessel madam?"<br /><br />Her: "Errr, I think it's white and has sails"<br /><br />Me:"What colour is the hull?"<br /><br />Her:"I think it's white too"<br /><br />I look out of the window as 200 yachts sail past as part of a massive regatta.....yes, they are nearly all white and have sails <br /><br />Scene: 2am and the duty watch are sitting reading newspapers and books listening idlely to the VHF traffic when we intercept this message between a coaster skipper and the vessel's owner:<br /><br />"Boss, just to let you know I'm on Sanda Island"<br /><br />"Alec, how many times do I have to tell you? When you report your position you say you are "off" somewhere, not "on" it!!"<br /><br />"Boss, I'm just letting you know I'm on Sanda Island"<br /><br />Boss is obviously getting frustrated and a lot of swearing commences from his end of the conversation followed by.....<br /><br />"Boss, I know what you're saying now will you listen to what I'm saying? I'm ON Sanda Island and I'm just about to call the Coastguard to get a tow!"<br />We couldn't answer the call for laughing for a good few minutes <br /><br />Then we get the yachtie who loves his VHF toy and is constantly using it to call up his friends. Eventually he gets bored of calling everyone he knows and calls us.....<br /><br />"Ardrossan Coastguard (x3) this is yacht Nonsuch, over"<br /><br />"Yacht Nonsuch this is Ardrossan Coastguard go ahead over"<br /><br />"Ardrossan Coastguard this is yacht Nonsuch, radio check (!!) please, over"<br /><br />at this point one of the old hands takes over and replies:<br /><br />"Nonsuch this Ardrossan Coastguard: reading you strength Two-Two, over"<br /><br />A long pause and then:<br /><br />"Ardrossan Coastguard this is yacht Nonsuch, I have checked my book and I can't find radio strength Two-Two, please explain, over"<br /><br />old salt replies:<br /><br />"Too loud and too bleeding often, out!"<br /><br />(and yes he did complain but we enjoyed the laugh so much the rollicking didn't seem to matter the same!)