Death of a brother

[tommays]

I am not much of a writer but my older brother James passed away Monday at 55 years old

James had a lifetime problem with paranoid schizophrenia, which has always made a close brotherly relationship very hard and was always a constant source of family stress

One of the bigger issues with the disease seems to be the need to intake huge amounts of tobacco and i had been fighting with him about it at are weekly Thursday dinner as he hacked away despite being on medication from a prolonged chest infection all winter

While i am sad to see him pass away i also feel a bit guilty about being relieved of the burden of the bizarre phone calls and never ending problems

I have to really thank my now dead parents for having the foresight to set up a trust fund to pay for his funeral

I still have to look after my younger handicapped brother a bit and deal with his issues also but there not near as bad but he also smokes at least 2 packs a day

 

[oops!]

Re: Death of a brother

my most sincere condolances,,,, to you....and your family......

my prayers will be with you

 

[Sig_Mech]

Re: Death of a brother

My thoughts and prayers are with you Tommays. You're a strong person with a huge heart. God Bless.

 

[Bondo]

Re: Death of a brother

Ayuh,..... Sorry to here that Tom,.....

Good Luck my friend.....

 

[Haut Medoc]

Re: Death of a brother

Sorry for your loss.......​

 

[levittownnick]

Re: Death of a brother

I have no words of wisdom, but please accept my most sincere condolances. Please don't put any guilt trips on yourself as they are always counterproductive. I will say a prayer for you and your brother.

Best wishes,
Nick

 

[jay_merrill]

Re: Death of a brother

I'm sorry to hear about your loss and hope you can accept your feelings of relief as something that is very normal. Its ok to feel relieved that a significant burden is off of your shoulders - taking care of someone with severe illness (mental or otherwise) is a daunting task and it is very tiring, both mentally and physically.

I also think, whether you actually realize it or not, that part of the relief that you are feeling is for your brother. Severe mental illness takes so much from people and robs them of a lot of joy in life, so knowing that their struggle is over is, in a way, comforting to those who loved them.

You have been a good brother to him and he knew that.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Death of a brother

Condolences to you from my family.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Death of a brother

The death of a loved one is always a great loss regardless of the circumstances.
My sincere condolences to you and your family.

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: Death of a brother

my thoughts are with you and yours. i know the feeling you are having loss and a little guilt. let it go, my brother was a drug addict, who aquired AIDS. unfortunately i still feel guilty some times, because, what a relief it was when he finally pass.

 

[BoatBuoy]

Re: Death of a brother

We all have a story, and I have mine. Suffice it to say that guilt and relief is normal. So also is remorse and the feeling of a great loss. I went through them all. But time seems to be the analgesic that lessens the pain. It?ll never be gone, but will eventually be tolerable and relegated to times when your mind is allowed to wander. Hang in there and try to stay busy. I?ll pray for you and the rest of your family.

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: Death of a brother

Sorry for you loss Tom. Live on well knowing you helped your brother while and as you could. May he rest in peace, and you and yours find the strength and support in each other to over come this tragedy.

 

[rolmops]

Re: Death of a brother

May his memory be blessed

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: Death of a brother

My deepest sympathy.

I fully understand what you have gone through and it is not easy. I lost a younger sister this past Nov....

My wife is a case manager for people with similar illness' to your brother ...... do not blame yourself for anything.

The best thing you did was "be his brother".

Sincerely,
Bob

 

[JB]

Re: Death of a brother

My heart aches for you and your family, Tom.

I lost my sister a few years ago (leukemia at 69). We had not been as close as I wanted. It really hit me hard.

Time heals.

 

[Gary H NC]

Re: Death of a brother

My thought and prayers go out to you and your family Tom.
I have lost several family members over the last 10 years.It is never easy and only time will help you heal. God bless you all...

 

[Caveman Charlie]

Re: Death of a brother

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

 

[jameskb2]

Re: Death of a brother

I'm saddened to hear of your loss Mr. Mays

I understand the guilt of passing issue. My ex-wife and I felt that, after her mother lived a year and a half through cervical cancer. The constant attention a loved one needs on top of the rest of life can become exhausting.

We felt guilty too after her passing. However time did take that from us, as well as prayer, and we did take a few counseling sessions to help with it. I can't remember the book we read...wish I could...but it was helpful too in that regard.

I will say one for you and wish you and your family the peace you deserve.

My best,

JamesK

 

[jcsercsa]

Re: Death of a brother

So sorry for your loss, John

 

[Tyme2fish]

Re: Death of a brother

It will do you no good right now,but the pain will gradually deminish. Your love and caring will remain forever but God will not give you more sorrow and pain than you can handle. My prayers to you and your family.