Hard Decisions To Make..........

[ehenry]

My sisters and I have come to a point that we are having to make to hard decisions concerning our parents. Pop is 94 and Mamma is 91. Some of you may have seen the posts a month or so back about Pop being in the hospital with pneumonia and fluid around his heart and lungs. We thought he wouldnt leave the hospital but lo and behold he did and is home doing fine as far as the pneumonia is concerned. Mamma just two weeks ago fell and broke her hip, had surgery on it and is at a long term rehab facility.

We have hired 24x7 "Care Givers" since both Mamma and Daddy suffer from dementia. Daddy wanders the house looking for Mamma and doesnt remember where she is or why she is there and whenever we take him down he thinks we're going to get her to bring her home. I've had to go over several times recently after dark to make daddy go in the house cause he's out in the yard looking for mamma and wont mind the sitter and come in the house. Mamma with the situation she is in will more than likely have to stay where she is or be moved to a facility due to her injury because the house is not equipped to handle her.

I know there are those out here than have gone through and are going through this. Say a prayer for my sisters and me. This is heart wrenching.

 

[2 Eagles]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

You have my prayers.

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

Hang in there ehenry. Been through the same with my Mother in-law. Prayers for your family and all those touched by your parents needs.

 

[LippCJ7]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

ehenry, You have my thoughts and prayers no doubt, but maybe its time to get Dad into a secure home, My Grandmother has dementia badly as well and at one point we could no longer keep her in her house, we always found her in her car, we had locked the keys in a safe for the caregiver but always kept the car unlocked since previous experience told us she would go to the car and stop there kind of a safety, but she continued to get worse so we chose to put her into a secure facility in order to isolate her from the dangers in the world, a hard choice but it had to be done.

She is my second mother, the matriarch to my family and it is one of the hardest things in the word for me to go see her knowing its a fifty fifty chance that she will remember me at all now, but I have never regretted putting her into a secure facility, hopefully she spends her last days there safely.

Again this is a tough time and you have my thoughts and prayers.

 

[southkogs]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

Tough to go through - or to know what the right thing to do is. As Lipp said, thoughts and prayers go out to you.

A tip of the hat in your direction ehenry - you've always honored your parents in all the times you've posted about them. You love 'em dearly, and you are actively involved in their care. That means you'll make good decisions, and do things that will be good for them. Those decisions may be tough, and may not even be perfect. But they will continue to honor and care for you Mom and Dad.

I'm pretty confident you'll do fine.

 

[jkust]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

We are in the early stages of this with my Father in Law. It's hard to watch. Prayers are with you.

 

[drrpm]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

Best wishes to all. Some facilities do allow couples to stay together. That would probably help reduce the disorientation to some degree.

 

[ehenry]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

I'm afraid that if we can find a facility that would take them both and let them stay together that we may have to have Pop declared incompetent which means a conservatorship. Atleast thats what my sisters think. Then the courts would have to approve everything we do and every check we write. THats an awful thought in itself.

 

[aspeck]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

Praying for you, ehenry! Going through the same thing myself ... extremely difficult and tough call to make.

 

[tpenfield]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

Just went through all that stuff over the past few years. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Cofe]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

My family is going through the same dilemma as you ehenry. I will add that keeping an eye on your parents prescriptions may help. We rounded up my fathers prescriptions and took him to the doctor. The doctor was surprised at the combination of medicines he was taking, and adjusted them. Since then his mind is a lot better, and he is able to reason and understand a lot better. My prayers are with your family ehenry.

 

[ehenry]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

I truly hope that we dont have to have a conservatorship thing done. There is a man that is an attorney and was our neighbor since I was a chap. He is also Pops attorney and Pop respects and will listen to him. We have talked to him and he has said he would be more than happy to talk very frankly to Pop about what is going on in his and mammas life and and advise him what he should do to avoid conservatorship. Pop has always been very frugal, pinched every penny and has invested wisely. When our neighbor starts talking to him about the courts telling him and us what we can and cant do with whats his it may very well be what we need.

 

[Volphin]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

I see this coming down the road for me as well. My thoughts and prayers are with you Henry.

 

[bigdee]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

I understand your situation. I have been there and I'm sorry to say that the only right decision is YOUR decision. Anyone can give advice or ridicule what your doing but in the end it is between you and your conscious and reality. We all want to do the noble thing but we have to face reality too. I cared for my Dad until the resources and physical limitations were exhausted. I had to make the decision whether to let him get hurt or die in his house or to let the professionals give him the care he needed to live a little longer.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

Thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

 

[ehenry]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

Update....Mamma was kicked out of the rehab center for being combative with the staff. She has hit, scratched and tried to bite ythose that are trying to help her. One of my sisters told me today that Mamma grabbed two handfulls of a nurses hair. She also said the Mamma tried to hit her as well. This is something that I hadn't heard or was aware of. Mamma is now being sent to a geriatric psyciatric facility to see if they can get her under control. She has refused all types of rehab since the surgery.

I dont know if Pop has been told and I dont think he should be told unless we are all with him when he is told.

 

[agallant80]

Re: Hard Decisions To Make..........

My family is going through the same dilemma as you ehenry. I will add that keeping an eye on your parents prescriptions may help. We rounded up my fathers prescriptions and took him to the doctor. The doctor was surprised at the combination of medicines he was taking, and adjusted them. Since then his mind is a lot better, and he is able to reason and understand a lot better. My prayers are with your family ehenry.

Went through this with my mother. Its worth looking in to.