He does not have a beer gut; he has developed a <br /> LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.<br /><br />He is not stupid; he suffers from <br /> MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.<br /><br />He does not get lost; he DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE<br /> DESTINATIONS.<br /><br />He is not balding; he is in <br /> FOLLICLE REGRESSION.<br /><br />He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes<br /> ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.<br /><br />He does not constantly talk about cars; he has a<br /> VEHICULAR ADDICTION.<br /><br />He is not unsophisticated; he is<br /> SOCIALLY MALFORMED.<br /><br />He does not hog the blankets; he is<br /> THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.<br /><br />He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has <br /> SWINE EMPATHY.<br /><br />He doesn't have a dirty mind; he has<br /> INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS.<br /><br />He is not afraid of commitment; he is<br /> MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.<br /><br /> 
