wishinIwasFishin
Seaman
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2002
- Messages
- 63
REAL TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:<br />1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.<br />2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.<br />3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.<br />4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.<br />5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.<br />6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.<br />7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.<br />8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.<br />9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.<br />10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.<br /><br />GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:<br />1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.<br />2) Wrinkles don't hurt.<br />3) Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.<br />4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.<br />5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.<br />6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.<br /><br />GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD<br />1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.<br />2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.<br />3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.<br />4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair <br />that you once got from a roller coaster.<br />5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to <br />ask you the questions.<br />6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.<br />7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.<br /><br />THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:<br />1) You believe in Santa Claus.<br />2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.<br />3) You are Santa Claus.<br />4) You look like Santa Claus.<br /><br />SUCCESS:<br />At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.<br />At age 12 success is . . . having friends.<br />At age 17 success is . . . having a drivers license.<br />At age 20 success is . . . having sex.<br />At age 35 success is . . . having money.<br />At age 50 success is . . . having money.<br />At age 60 success is . . . having sex.<br />At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.<br />At age 75 success is . . . having friends.<br />At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.