imported_John o
Petty Officer 2nd Class
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2006
- Messages
- 137
A strongly opinionated liberal woman wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining bitterly about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay.
She received back the following reply:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter severely criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.
You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to concerns voiced from a mere handful of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division in terrorist programs. This new division will be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers", program or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one LARK terrorist under your personal care.
Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation in handcuffs & shackles under heavily armed guard to your residence this week. His name is Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (but you can just call him Mo for short,,,, he likes that!!).
According to our new LARK program you must abide by the standards and same exact treatment and standards that you personally demanded that the U.S. government use for detainees in your letter of complaint.
It will likely be necessary for you to hire several assistant care-takers and completely re-do your home.
We will conduct weekly Federal inspections on you and your home to ensure that your standards of care and personal pampered treatment for Mo are commensurate with those you demanded in your letter.
Although Mo is a complete sociopath, extremely violent and swears to kill all Jewish and American men women and children,,,, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described in your letter to us as his "possible attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these few minor character flaws and be a nice boy while he will be staying in your home during the LARK program. Perhaps you are correct in describing these little problems as merely cultural differences.
Please understand that (as you demanded) we fully expect you now to offer Mo (and pay for out of your own pocket) a nice, clean, attractive, air conditioned and upscale dwelling,,,, at least 3 well balanced healthy meals every day, furnish complete medical and dental health care,,,, personal counseling and home schooling.
Your newly adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can terminate a human life with such simple items as a small newspaper or nail clippers. We suggest that you do not ask him to share these talents at your next Tupperware party. He is also expert at making a wide variety of deadly explosive devices from commonly available
household products. So,,,, you may wish to keep those items locked up.
That is unless (in your opinion) this might offend Mo somehow.
Please be aware that Mo will not wish to in any way acknowledge or interact with you or your daughters (except for sexual reasons), since he and most all radicals of his persuasion view females as nothing more than a sub-human form of property. This topic is a particularly sensitive subject for him and Mo has been known to show extremely sudden and violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire during the LARK program . I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the black burka over time. Even though it may be difficult, just try to think of it as youre new version of the old classic the little black dress.
Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Mo - and remember, we'll be watching.
Good luck with the LARK program
Cordially, your friends, Special Agent Boomer & Donald Rumsfeld
(Mostly written by my twisted friend Boomer from Boomertime.com)
She received back the following reply:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter severely criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.
You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to concerns voiced from a mere handful of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division in terrorist programs. This new division will be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers", program or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one LARK terrorist under your personal care.
Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation in handcuffs & shackles under heavily armed guard to your residence this week. His name is Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (but you can just call him Mo for short,,,, he likes that!!).
According to our new LARK program you must abide by the standards and same exact treatment and standards that you personally demanded that the U.S. government use for detainees in your letter of complaint.
It will likely be necessary for you to hire several assistant care-takers and completely re-do your home.
We will conduct weekly Federal inspections on you and your home to ensure that your standards of care and personal pampered treatment for Mo are commensurate with those you demanded in your letter.
Although Mo is a complete sociopath, extremely violent and swears to kill all Jewish and American men women and children,,,, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described in your letter to us as his "possible attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these few minor character flaws and be a nice boy while he will be staying in your home during the LARK program. Perhaps you are correct in describing these little problems as merely cultural differences.
Please understand that (as you demanded) we fully expect you now to offer Mo (and pay for out of your own pocket) a nice, clean, attractive, air conditioned and upscale dwelling,,,, at least 3 well balanced healthy meals every day, furnish complete medical and dental health care,,,, personal counseling and home schooling.
Your newly adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can terminate a human life with such simple items as a small newspaper or nail clippers. We suggest that you do not ask him to share these talents at your next Tupperware party. He is also expert at making a wide variety of deadly explosive devices from commonly available
household products. So,,,, you may wish to keep those items locked up.
That is unless (in your opinion) this might offend Mo somehow.
Please be aware that Mo will not wish to in any way acknowledge or interact with you or your daughters (except for sexual reasons), since he and most all radicals of his persuasion view females as nothing more than a sub-human form of property. This topic is a particularly sensitive subject for him and Mo has been known to show extremely sudden and violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire during the LARK program . I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the black burka over time. Even though it may be difficult, just try to think of it as youre new version of the old classic the little black dress.
Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Mo - and remember, we'll be watching.
Good luck with the LARK program
Cordially, your friends, Special Agent Boomer & Donald Rumsfeld
(Mostly written by my twisted friend Boomer from Boomertime.com)
