Question for the Vets...

[eeboater]

So, I have a question for those who have served overseas and/or away from home.

Someone (female) my future sister in law knows has a boyfriend who is serving overseas in Afghanistan. The girl is living in her boyfriends condo while he is overseas. The condo was left for him by his deceased grandmother.

Over the past 6 months or so, she has been getting friendly with my future sister in law's brother. We haven't officially heard they are boyfriend/girlfriend/screwing around, however we went to a piano bar one night last spring and saw them basically all over each other.

My brother thinks the situation is screwed up and his fiance doesn't want to say anything because she's afraid she'll lose a friend/anger people. My wife and I refuse to go to any events, etc that my brother/fiance put on that involves this girl because it plain and simply appalls us.

Apparently, the girl doesn't want to admit anything to her BF overseas, because she doesn't want to upset him while he is away. And her justification is that they don't get along as they did before he left.

If you were the guy serving overseas, what would you rather have happen?

A. Have her tell you she's a cheating skank (no I'm not bitter at the situation)
B. Remain in ignorant bliss until you get home

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: Question for the Vets...

i would want the skank out of my house. i'm not going to support her a place to do the other guy. she's probably getting free rent, and more.

 

[JB]

Re: Question for the Vets...

What Daddy said.

You probably ought to inform the overseas boyfriend's family. If any intervention is to be done, they ought to do it.

 

[External Combustion]

Re: Question for the Vets...

I thought about this for a while and I repented of my language. This is a family oriented forum.

Any woman that will exchange physical comfort and the promise of it to keep an apartment is a cormercial article in my opinion. If she is working on another avenue of employer at the same time there is an appropriate name for this type of employee.

Yes, a soldier normally would want a "hey John" letter as compared to a "dear John " letter or homecoming. Leaving him to be the last to know will only increase his humiliation and his anger at all who knew.

 

[guy74]

Re: Question for the Vets...

I've been though something similar to this, it was humiliating to come home to that situation, not having any time to deal with it on my own before I had to face everyone I knew. I was the last one to know what was going on. I think he needs to find out what is going on now, not at his homecoming.

 

[angus63]

Re: Question for the Vets...

I was subject to this on two occasions when I was out at sea when very young (18-23). First time I spent 16hrs in the isle of a Greyhound bus from Charleston SC to NY to visit my gf after being away 4 months. She told me face to face she met someone at college and wasn't waiting for me. Really hurt and I was ticked she didn't tell me earlier to save me 32 hrs of busriding for nothing!!!!
Two yrs later new GF sent me a dear Angus while I was in North Europe. I was ticked she was so cold not to tell me to my face!!!
Lesson learned was there is no good way to break up while separated by continents and oceans. Lucky for me, my family and friends stayed out of it. They let me and the GF's work out the bad stuff on our own.
Everyone is different, but as long as there are no kids involved, there are no legal issues, and no one is suffering a financial hardship, I feel it's best to keep out of the fray. And like my friends and family did, be there to support him when the dust settles.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Question for the Vets...

Back when I was in, the phone call and snail mail was the only way for news from home to get to me. Now days with the internet and camera phones,,,,it would be easy to show and tell immediately. Only drawback that I see is,,,How is it going to effect him where he is at?

My friends use to tell the SOB that moved in on my GF that I would be showing up at the bar in a few minuets. He always left quickly while I was still overseas. The one night my buds didn't tell him that,,,,,,I showed up and caught up with him on his way out the back door In the back was an excellent place to show my gratitude for keeping my girl warm for me.

 

[Hoss the Hermit]

Re: Question for the Vets...

Always been a firm believer in minding my own bizness

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: Question for the Vets...

well, hopefully she will have the decency to move out before he gets home.

 

[Benny1963]

Re: Question for the Vets...

man thats wrong but in this day and time
she must be ill to live in that mans house
seeing someone else

 

[mscher]

Re: Question for the Vets...

If you were the guy serving overseas, what would you rather have happen?

A. Have her tell you she's a cheating skank (no I'm not bitter at the situation)
B. Remain in ignorant bliss until you get home

Doing nothing would be a serious injustice to our bravest overseas, IMO. It's never good to avoid uncomfortable situations, for our own convenience, or worse, making someone else angry at "US", verses doing what is right.

Here is how I see these two scenarios play out.

A. The soldier gets upset, angry, he may even cry, but he now know what's up and he will try his very best to take care of business, from 6000 miles away

B. The Soldier comes home to an empty condo, with holes punched in the walls, beer stains on the carpet and a $1500 past-due telephone bill.

As a vet, I know what I would want the people who really care for me, to do.

 

[mscher]

Re: Question for the Vets...

well, hopefully she will have the decency to move out before he gets home.

Unfortunately, not likely.

She now has the perfect love shack, for her new boyfriend. Bills being paid by someone else. Nothing but fun.

Seen it too many times.

 

[jay_merrill]

Re: Question for the Vets...

Send an anonymous note to his family and then stay out of it.

PS: I just decided to add this - I am not a person who is afraid to stand up to someone else's bad behavior, nor am I afraid to "man up" for my opinions and positions. That said, I think the anonymous route is appropriate here, because you are quite likely to find yourself being made out to be the bad guy. Its kind of a "no win" situation - darned if you do and darned if you don't!

 

[sunaj]

Re: Question for the Vets...

This thread is so Peyton Place

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: Question for the Vets...

sunaj, unfortunately, this thread is so real life for many great guys serving our country.

 

[SgtMaj]

Re: Question for the Vets...

Here's the Marine Corp's relationship training in a nutshell...

"You'll have your girlfriends and she'll have her boyfriends while you're serving, and that's just the way it is."

I'm pretty sure that's darn near a direct quote actually... and at least half-right. When I had some unexpected leave, I came home to find my fiance' shacked up with another guy. No long story about it since we weren't living together anyway, we split up and went our separate ways, 10 years later, I'm happily married to a wonderful woman and we have a totally awesome little boy together, and last I had heard, she was having her 4th child out of wedlock with some other guy, and most of the kids had different fathers... thank God for the crappy things in life... sometimes they turn out to be the best things.