Holdimhook
Chief Petty Officer
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2005
- Messages
- 648
Red Neck Church <br /><br />1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. <br /><br />2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. <br /><br />3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. <br /><br />4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. <br /><br />5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!) <br /><br />6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The choir is known as the "OK Chorale". <br /><br />7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. <br /><br />8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. <br /><br />9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub. <br /><br />10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. <br /><br />11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The collection plates are really hubcaps from a'56 Chevy. <br /><br />12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... Instead of a bell; you are called to service by a duck call. <br /><br />13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. <br /><br />14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink". <br /><br />15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too. <br /><br />16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if... The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya heah
Good Un
