On the evenin' 'fore Christmas, in our mobile house <br /><br />>Nothing was movin' (I had blasted the mouse). <br /><br />>We couldn't hang stockings in our trailer home here, <br /><br />>'Cause we don't wear socks the rest of the year. <br /><br />> <br /><br />>The rug-rats wuz out could in their feather beds. <br /><br />>There'd been a big tussle, and they'd skinned up their heads. <br /><br />>Maw smeared on her cold cream, and I spit out my chews. <br /><br />>We'd Stayed up too late-and we needed a snooze. <br /><br />> <br /><br />>When out in the yard I heard such a clamor, <br /><br />>Thought the laws hd come back to put me in the slammer. <br /><br />>Away to the window I went at a run, <br /><br />>Poked a hole in the plastic and pointed my gun. <br /><br />> <br /><br />>The bug light a-shining on the new-fallen snow <br /><br />>Gave the brightness of day to our pickups below, <br /><br />>When, what with my bloodshot old eyes did I see, <br /><br />>A Ford-load a' dogs, a-coming at me. <br /><br />> <br /><br />>With a little old driver, I thought what the heck! <br /><br />>It was, without doubt, the Christmas Redneck! <br /><br />> <br /><br />>All around the truck the hound dawgs they came, <br /><br />>And he holler, and shouted, and called them by name: <br /><br />> <br /><br />>Now Bugler! now, Jughead! now Fiddler and Sheperd! <br /><br />>On Yeller! on, Smoky! on, Blue Tick and Leopard! <br /><br />>To the top of the steps, to the trailer's back wall! <br /><br />>They crawled on everything, one and all. <br /><br />> <br /><br />>As "coke" cans when empty out my old pickup fly, <br /><br />>Like a dip of old snuff, spit up to the sky, <br /><br />>So up to my double wide the old feller flew, <br /><br />>With a truck full of goods, and the hound dawgs too. <br /><br />> <br /><br />>And then, in a minute, I heard and I saw <br /><br />>The jumping and running of each doggie's paw. <br /><br />> <br /><br />>As I put down my shotgun, and was turnin' around; <br /><br />>Through the back door the Redneck jumped in with a bound. <br /><br />> <br /><br />>In a camouflage suit, from his head to his shoes, <br /><br />>He moved like a feller with no time to lose. <br /><br />>A box full of moon pies and an RC twelve-pack, <br /><br />>And a dear hunting spotlight came off of his back. <br /><br />> <br /><br />>His face-how leathery! It commanded respect. <br /><br />>His nose was as red as the back of his neck. <br /><br />>The chew in his mouth drew it up like a bow, <br /><br />>And the white beard of his chin caught the small overflow. <br /><br />> <br /><br />>On the front of the cap, "Bless the NRA," <br /><br />>And on the back of his shirt, "Go ahead, make my day." <br /><br />>I swiveled my head and looked down at his bag, <br /><br />>And there on the side was the old Southern flag. <br /><br />> <br /><br />>With square jaws and shoulders, a real good ole boy- <br /><br />>I laughed at this specter, in pure flat-out joy; <br /><br />>A wink of his eye and his smilin' beneath <br /><br />>Showed me that his mouth was sure missing some teeth. <br /><br />> <br /><br />>He spoke nary a word, but came straight to me, <br /><br />>And laid in my hands a brand-new CB. <br /><br />>Maw got a girdle to hold in her pelvis, <br /><br />>And a velvet painting of her idol Elvis. <br /><br />> <br /><br />>He sprang to his rig as his dogs ran nearby <br /><br />>And whistled them up as he aimed for the sky. <br /><br />>As he drove out of sight, I heard him say, <br /><br />>"Be a good ole boy on this Christmas Day!" 
<br /><br />Taz
<br /><br />Taz