KnottyBuoyz
Senior Chief Petty Officer
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2006
- Messages
- 712
I wrote this one for a similar topic (Stupid human tricks) on another board. I thought you guys might enjoy it as well. Here goes.<br /><br />This story may or may not of actually happened. Names of the guilty have been deliberately left out to protect the guilty.<br /><br />During the summer of 1984 we were in drydock in ????? city in Ontario. Many commercial shipyards don't allow the crew to do certain work due to union regulations etc. and our engineers were basically going stir crazy. To make a very long story short a large shipyard rat decided to take up residence on our main deck in a small opening to the hatch covers. Sidenote: The leading seaman sent out his cat, Bear, to clean house. Bear came back bloodied and scarred. ($150 vet bill and a written disciplinary notice on his file). <br /><br />Back to the engineers being stir crazy. One rather brilliant engineer gets the idea to devise a better rat trap. It was basically a length of pipe about 3" dia and 5' long with a gentle bend, angle iron rockers and a trap door on one end. The other end was sealed tight. A spark plug was fitted in that end. A small opening with a gas valve was installed. Can you see where I'm going with this? <br /><br />The whole rig was set up so that if a rat crawled into the pipe and proceeded to the bottom of the pipe the rocker affect would cause the trap door to close behind it. This was also the signal that the trap had sprung. Upon noticing the trap was sprung the engineer would begin to introduce oxygen and acetylene from the welding kit via the gas valve into the trap. A 12 volt battery and an ignition coil completed the set up. One flick of the switch and theoretically the rat would find himself/herself airborne at high velocity with no safety net.<br /><br />Note: This event, if it did actually happen, was on a weekend and there were no shipyard workers onboard and only ship security/galley staff.<br /><br />Word has spread that the engineer was going to test fire his apparatus. A few of us wandered up on deck, took one look at the rig and immediately headed for cover.<br /><br />3.<br />2.<br />1.<br />FIRE!<br /><br />KaaaaaaaaaBlaaaaaaaaaaamoooooooooo!<br /><br />Smoke filled the air and our ears were ringing. I seem to remember alarm bells going off. When the smoke settled the engineer was seen to be crouching in the fetal position behind one of the trunk hatches. The rig laid smoking against the bulwarks with the end of the pipe peeled back like a banana skin. Kinda reminds me of an Elmer Fudd vs Bugs Bunny cartoon I saw once. The rat was nowhere to be seen. Looking ashore later we located a red and brown furry mess clinging to the side of the welding shop door about 50 yards away from the ship.<br /><br />I've seen my fair share of stupid stunts in my day but this one tops the list. I should probably nominate this engineer for a Darwin Award special mention as he did survive and continues to contribute to the global gene pool.<br /><br />I think there's a moral to this story in there somewhere but here are my thoughts:<br /><br />1. Marine Engineers are not weapons specialists.<br />2. A little oxy/acetylene produces a very very large bang.<br />3. Even though they engineers say "The world belongs to those willing to get their hands dirty" they make no mention of their willingness keeping those hands attached to their arms.<br />4. The rat may have received his just deserts for having invaded the ship but left it in a rather inhumaine way.<br />5. When an engineer tells you he has a good idea for a better rat trap, run away in the opposite direction as fast as you can.<br /><br />This story may or may not of actually happened. You decide.
