kenmyfam
Supreme Mariner
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2006
- Messages
- 14,392
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her
husband accompany
her on her trips to Wal-Mart.
Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately,
Mrs. Fenton
was like most women--she loved to browse.
One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local
Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be
forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton
are listed
below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
the women's
restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, " Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&M's on
layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a
carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from
the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying
and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it
as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
"Madonna look"
by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed
"OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least .............
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here!"
Regards,
Walmart
DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her
husband accompany
her on her trips to Wal-Mart.
Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately,
Mrs. Fenton
was like most women--she loved to browse.
One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local
Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be
forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton
are listed
below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
the women's
restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, " Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&M's on
layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a
carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from
the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying
and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it
as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
"Madonna look"
by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed
"OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least .............
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here!"
Regards,
Walmart
