Nova II 260
Senior Chief Petty Officer
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2006
- Messages
- 681
TAPE MEASURE: Used to add or subtract 1/8th inch from the item's being measured actual size.
PENCIL: Used in conjuction with Tape Measure to mark "cut lines" either too long or too short. Usually hides itself, so a 10 minute project can take hours to complete.
ALL CORDLESS POWER TOOLS: Great for generating a coffee or beer break at a project's crucial time, while it battery sits in the charger.
WIRE CRIMPER: Mostly used to generate a loose fitting wire butt splice on your last correct sized butt-connector.
ROUTER: Something you always wanted and admired but have no idea what to use it for.
BENCH GRINDER: Similar to the actions of the Drill Press but will also grab the item being ground and deform it to a totally unusable item while burning off your fingertips.
PIPE WRENCH: Used as replacement for the Cresent Wrench with similar results. Also used for collapsing pipe and making it totally unusable while marring up any visable surface.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metalbar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "YEOWW...."
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. Can cause sever wrist sprain, thereby prolonging project.
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs, stringers and spars too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. The most often the tool used by all women.
CRESENT WRENCH: Commonly used to round off ill sized or metric nuts and bolt heads, to make them totally impossible to remove.
Also, great for inflickting pain on operator's knuckles, so project can restarted on another day.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. Great for skin removal.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to Transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXY-ACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect when doing a engine transplant..
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. Women excel at using this tool.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws. Maybe used as prybar since you can't find yours.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over
tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford/Chevy/Chrys., and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.
FLASHLIGHT: Handy item that works very well in the store. However, when you really need it, the batteries are dead or you have to hit something with it to get it to work, part-time. Usually needing a battery size you do not have. Back-up for Trouble-Light you broke, when you dropped it after burning or blinding yourself with it. (puddle jumper)
24 oz. HAMMER: Also known as BFH, best way to get a black fingernail. (tashasdaddy)
Add Yours...
PENCIL: Used in conjuction with Tape Measure to mark "cut lines" either too long or too short. Usually hides itself, so a 10 minute project can take hours to complete.
ALL CORDLESS POWER TOOLS: Great for generating a coffee or beer break at a project's crucial time, while it battery sits in the charger.
WIRE CRIMPER: Mostly used to generate a loose fitting wire butt splice on your last correct sized butt-connector.
ROUTER: Something you always wanted and admired but have no idea what to use it for.
BENCH GRINDER: Similar to the actions of the Drill Press but will also grab the item being ground and deform it to a totally unusable item while burning off your fingertips.
PIPE WRENCH: Used as replacement for the Cresent Wrench with similar results. Also used for collapsing pipe and making it totally unusable while marring up any visable surface.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metalbar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "YEOWW...."
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. Can cause sever wrist sprain, thereby prolonging project.
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs, stringers and spars too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. The most often the tool used by all women.
CRESENT WRENCH: Commonly used to round off ill sized or metric nuts and bolt heads, to make them totally impossible to remove.
Also, great for inflickting pain on operator's knuckles, so project can restarted on another day.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. Great for skin removal.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to Transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXY-ACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect when doing a engine transplant..
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. Women excel at using this tool.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws. Maybe used as prybar since you can't find yours.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over
tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford/Chevy/Chrys., and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.
FLASHLIGHT: Handy item that works very well in the store. However, when you really need it, the batteries are dead or you have to hit something with it to get it to work, part-time. Usually needing a battery size you do not have. Back-up for Trouble-Light you broke, when you dropped it after burning or blinding yourself with it. (puddle jumper)
24 oz. HAMMER: Also known as BFH, best way to get a black fingernail. (tashasdaddy)
Add Yours...
