- Joined
- May 19, 2001
- Messages
- 26,077
Creative Answering Machine Messages<br /><br />1. Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and ... BEEEEEEEP!<br /><br />2. Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now but, if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.<br /><br />3. Greetings. You have reach the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want so, at the sound of the tone, please hang up.<br /><br />4. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message and, if I don't call back, it's you!<br /><br />5. You have reached 234-1243. Why?<br /><br /><br />Speed Limit<br /><br />An old man was driving down the Interstate at 22 miles per hour, never going faster or slower. <br /><br />A police officer noticed and followed him for a while, then pulled him over. <br /><br />Before the officer could even get to the car, the man was saying, 'I was not speeding, the speed limit is 22 miles per hour and that is exactly what I was doing, I was not speeding.' <br /><br />The police officer said, 'I didn't pull you over for speeding, I pulled you over for going too slow.' <br /><br />'But the sign says 22.' <br /><br />The officer explained that he was on Interstate 22. <br /><br />As the man shook his head, the officer noticed that there were three older ladies in the back of the car. <br /><br />All of them were sitting with their mouths hanging open and spit drooling down the side. Their faces were very white and their hair was completely messy. <br /><br />The police officer leaned toward the man and asked, 'What's wrong with them?' <br /><br />'Well, we just came off Interstate 134.' 
<br /><br /><br />Middle Aged<br /><br />Youve come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything.<br /><br />The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your carin the ten items or less lane.<br /><br />Youve stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.<br /><br />Youve found yourself discussing rain gutters.<br /><br />You remember your kids names, just not always the right one.<br /><br />You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.<br /><br />Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold.<br /><br />You buy age-defying makeup and antiwrinkle creams and believe they work.<br /><br />Youve realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.<br /><br />You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak.<br /><br />As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo again.<br /><br />Youve had three opportunities to buy every single Disney Animated Classicfor the last time in a generation<br /><br />Youd pay good money to be strip-searched.<br /><br />Wal-Mart and target seem to share your fashion sense.<br /><br />The only way you know to stop a virtual pet from beeping involves the patio and a sledgehammer.<br /><br />You can pack two suits, Five shirts, five ties, five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, and half of your bathroom into a carry-on bagin less than five minutes.<br /><br />You know what Earth Shoes are.<br /><br />You think if you hear Stairway to Heaven one more time your head will explode.<br /><br />Your weight-lifting program seems to have no effect on your muscles, but the veins on the backs of your hands are bulking up quite nicely.<br /><br />On Saturday night, when your wife mentions hot oil, a little friction, and squealing, you tell her youll have the car looked at first thing Monday morning.<br /><br />Bob
<br /><br /><br />Middle Aged<br /><br />Youve come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything.<br /><br />The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your carin the ten items or less lane.<br /><br />Youve stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.<br /><br />Youve found yourself discussing rain gutters.<br /><br />You remember your kids names, just not always the right one.<br /><br />You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.<br /><br />Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold.<br /><br />You buy age-defying makeup and antiwrinkle creams and believe they work.<br /><br />Youve realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.<br /><br />You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak.<br /><br />As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo again.<br /><br />Youve had three opportunities to buy every single Disney Animated Classicfor the last time in a generation<br /><br />Youd pay good money to be strip-searched.<br /><br />Wal-Mart and target seem to share your fashion sense.<br /><br />The only way you know to stop a virtual pet from beeping involves the patio and a sledgehammer.<br /><br />You can pack two suits, Five shirts, five ties, five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, and half of your bathroom into a carry-on bagin less than five minutes.<br /><br />You know what Earth Shoes are.<br /><br />You think if you hear Stairway to Heaven one more time your head will explode.<br /><br />Your weight-lifting program seems to have no effect on your muscles, but the veins on the backs of your hands are bulking up quite nicely.<br /><br />On Saturday night, when your wife mentions hot oil, a little friction, and squealing, you tell her youll have the car looked at first thing Monday morning.<br /><br />Bob