ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

[ezbtr]

ok you guys - so the guy has a meth prob, but still, w kids 6 and 11, how in the hell does a guy beat his wife or girlfriend??? I think the precursor to that would be to try that with a guy.......makes me wanna puke...

 

[Fishing Dude too]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

She might like it, or she doesn't care. Yea he's thenorth end of a mule headed south but she has they say. Never woud hit another person because I was beat bloody as a child and grew up black and blue but hey my mom was a teacher so she couldn't have done it.

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

RESTRAINING ORDER!!! Restraint From Abuse (RFA)

First call should be to 911

It is what my wife does for a living .......... she is the Legal Advocate at the woman's network and assists people (men and women) fleeing from domestic violence.

Step one is a restraining order. If the guy violates the order he is arrested.

It does not always work out..... the local police and states attorney need to be on-board.

READ http://www.ci.concord.ca.us/police/programs/domviolence.aspx


On average domestic violence victims leave there abuser over 7-8 times or more before they make the real decision

 

[JB]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

I really try hard to avoid the point of view that if you know one thing about a person you know all about him/her. But if I know that a person beats up a smaller, weaker person regularly I have a really hard time not seeing that person as pure evil and wanting passionately to smite him from the human race.

 

[Vintin]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

Meth is a one way street. The sooner the authorities are involved, the better.

 

[aspeck]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

Generally a lot of issues that are going on and need to be addressed if the cycle of abuse is to be broken. Meth is the first, then there are issues of adequecy, insecurity, control, etc. The guy needs a lot of help and the girl needs to get out of the situation, at least till a long period of counseling and behavioral change and modification can occur.

 

[southkogs]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

I land somewhere between aspeck and ezbtr: Good ole' back alley justice doesn't get employed by anyone but thugs any longer. And every now and again, talkin' doesn't help as much as a "counseling" session with a good man ... and his dukes.

Meth is a destroyer of human beings, and the damage is does is nothing short of amazing. Art's right - counseling, admonishing and even therapy are needed. But the girl and the kids need to be moved to safety first.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

I really try hard to avoid the point of view that if you know one thing about a person you know all about him/her. But if I know that a person beats up a smaller, weaker person regularly I have a really hard time not seeing that person as pure evil and wanting passionately to smite him from the human race.

Yep !!!!!!!
Got to be on the same page as this response !!!

 

[aspeck]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

I land somewhere between aspeck and ezbtr: Good ole' back alley justice doesn't get employed by anyone but thugs any longer. And every now and again, talkin' doesn't help as much as a "counseling" session with a good man ... and his dukes.

Notice I said counseling AND behavioral change and modification ... my heart and my head say they are 2 different things. The abuser must WANT to change AND see the NEED to change for any modification to be done.

 

[86 century]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

It is a rare that an abuser will change how they act not imposible but rare.

Most of the time they claim abuse as a child or somthing like that.

Drinking and drug use are used all the time as the reason someone is abusive. Rarely is that the case most of the time they just highten the personality defects that lead to abuse.

Also agrea the fellow needs to know what its like to be beat by somone much larger and stonger at random times without cause for a wile jus so they know how it feals.

 

[ezbtr]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

Hey guys thanks, yeah is not the 1st time for her, I hear all you said, I would love to give him a come to Jesus "talk", so despicable, the meth, great family lost, ugh....
makes me glad for my fortunate life!

 

[JB]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

Abusers always have something/someone to blame for their behavior. . .other than themselves. They can also seem to find well meaning folks who want to "help" them.

Not all persons who were abused as children become abusers.

Not all druggies and drunks become abusers.

When the consequences of a behavior pattern become far more undesirable than the behavior the behavior is likely to stop.

I am in favor of arranging severe consequences.

 

[Tim Frank]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

Also agrea the fellow needs to know what its like to be beat by somone much larger and stonger at random times without cause for a wile jus so they know how it feals.

I guess if some "tough love' doesn't work maybe some "prison love" might send a message....
Either (or both) would suit the described situation IMO.

 

[joewithaboat]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

Not all meth users are addicts but if he is it will only get worse... he is an abuser as well. If he wont get help and she wont leave him with some help, don't forget about the kids. They are no doubt seeing stuff they shouldn't. Authorities should be involved.
Good luck!

 

[ezbtr]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

Abusers always have something/someone to blame for their behavior. . .other than themselves. They can also seem to find well meaning folks who want to "help" them.

Not all persons who were abused as children become abusers.

Not all druggies and drunks become abusers.

When the consequences of a behavior pattern become far more undesirable than the behavior the behavior is likely to stop.

I am in favor of arranging severe consequences.

Nope, they can turn out 180 degrees different. I agree on severe consequences, especially if repetetive behavior!

 

[FlaCowboy]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

Does the Lady use drugs as well? If so then that may be why she has not called for help....she may be afraid she will lose her kids. Kids Come FIRST in my book. With that being said....I am with most others here....Old Fashioned Street Justice!!!

 

[ezbtr]

Re: ugh, my girlfriends friend, marital abuse

Does the Lady use drugs as well? If so then that may be why she has not called for help....she may be afraid she will lose her kids. Kids Come FIRST in my book. With that being said....I am with most others here....Old Fashioned Street Justice!!!

No, she not a user, he's been in jail for this before, may again be, her and kids at my girlfriends, beleive restraining order was violated, divorce pending.