15 Things to do at Wal-Mart/Kmart or Target while your spouse/partner/significant other is taking his/her sweet time: <br /><br />************************************************************* <br />1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking. <br /><br />2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals. <br /><br />3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms. <br /><br />4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 in housewares,'...and see what happens. <br /><br />5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away <br /><br />6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. <br /><br />7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department. <br /><br />8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone? <br /><br />9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. <br /><br />10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. <br /><br />11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'. <br /><br />12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels. <br /><br />13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME!<br />PICK ME!!!!!!' <br /><br />14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream 'NO! NO! It's those voices again'. <br /><br />and last but not least............. <br /><br />15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly ... 'Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!
<br />>><br />>>10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."<br />>><br />>>9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time <br />>>management course you sent me to."<br />>><br />>>8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here <br />>>just in time!"<br />>><br />>>7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and <br />>>envisioning a new paradigm."<br />>><br />>>6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."<br />>><br />>>5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related <br />>>stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"<br />>><br />>>4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our <br />>>biggest problem."<br />>><br />>>3. "The coffee machine is broken..."<br />>><br />>>2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."<br />>><br />>>And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...<br />>><br />>>1. " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."<br /><br />_________________________________________________________________
