JoeW
Senior Chief Petty Officer
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2003
- Messages
- 664
WAL-MART APPLICATION<br />----------------------------------------<br />This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas.... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!<br /><br />NAME: George Martin<br /><br />SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate).<br /><br />DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.<br /><br />DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.<br /><br />EDUCATION: Yes.<br /><br />LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.<br /><br />SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.<br /><br />MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.<br /><br />REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.<br /><br />HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.<br /><br />PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 pm Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.<br /><br />DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.<br /><br />MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?<br /><br />DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.?: Of what?<br /><br />DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"<br /><br />HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.<br /><br />DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks no.<br /><br />WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:<br />Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy, dumb, sexy, blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that right now.<br /><br />DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.<br /><br />SIGN HERE: Sagittarius
