what to do when ex disses your kid?

[ezbtr]

Karl is now 14 and always been a great, responsible outgoing kid - he comes up to me 30 mins ago and some grades slipped, his mom called and said she told family he is dumb, etc - I am pissed at her, maybe she's drinking again? - he's always done well in school, I trust him 100%, and told him he is brilliant(he is and I AM a HARDASS dad) and told him we'll get it all fixed by Monday - I have all next week off - why would a parent say those mean words to their kid??? I dont get it! I hate to see him feeling hurt!

 

[beardeddone]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

Something is obviously going on when a kids grades slip and it has taken time for that to happen, maybe you mighttalk to his Mom and see what she says about it..With out being pissed at her..

 

[JB]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

A Mom who says stuff like that about her child is saying more about herself than about the child, EZ. Been there, burned the T shirt.

Remind your son how proud you are of him and don't fret about a slipped grade. Just being 14 is more stress than anyone needs without full, unconditional support from trusted adults.

I would not recommend what I would say to his Mom.

 

[LippCJ7]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

EZ I agree with you and I am sure you will figure it out with your son.


But I also agree with JB in that I don't think you want to tell her what I would say, it certainly would not help things...

 

[lncoop]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

Agree 1000 percent with Lipp and JB. Focus on Karl and how proud you are of him for keeping it together under difficult circumstances. Acknowledge the fact that you know it's not easy, but keep it positive. Maybe do something special for him if you can. Even if you did say what we're all wishing you (and we vicariously through you) could say to your ex nothing good would come of it. Given what you've told us it's likely she'd choose to retaliate in the most hurtful way she could think of; by putting Karl down more. You know what the sages advise. Never wrestle with a hog. You'll just get muddy and the hog will enjoy it. Hang in there pal. He's lucky to have you.

 

[nwcove]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

some good thoughts and opinions given, but i personally would have to call " mom", and ask her in a civil way....."why?".

 

[MH Hawker]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

X wife's often do things just to start fights. :facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:

 

[jigngrub]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

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[kenmyfam]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

Karl is now 14 and always been a great, responsible outgoing kid - he comes up to me 30 mins ago and some grades slipped, his mom called and said she told family he is dumb, etc - I am pissed at her, maybe she's drinking again? - he's always done well in school, I trust him 100%, and told him he is brilliant(he is and I AM a HARDASS dad) and told him we'll get it all fixed by Monday - I have all next week off - why would a parent say those mean words to their kid??? I dont get it! I hate to see him feeling hurt!

Who spoke to Mom on the phone ??
If you then she has some serious trouble causing issues.
If Karl then make sure that is what she actually said before taking anything further.
A 14 year old with slipping grades may just be covering something else up.
Hopefully not though and all the best with the situation.

 

[ajgraz]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

What is Karl's relationship with this woman? Does he know she's (apparently) a vengeful harpy?

I know that when my nephew was 14, and his mother (my sis-in-law) finally succumbed to decades of hardcore drug and alcohol abuse--and stopped causing massive trouble for everyone around her--he was quite relieved...as we all were. He had no illusions, just because she was his mother.

 

[tpenfield]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

Karl is now 14 and always been a great, responsible outgoing kid - he comes up to me 30 mins ago and some grades slipped, his mom called and said she told family he is dumb, etc - I am pissed at her, maybe she's drinking again? -

Time to take action . . . go over there and **** in her bottle of scotch. :noidea:

 

[tallcanadian]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

Focus on your son and not his mother. She may have more issues than you know. One day he will understand and accept his mother as she is. Let him make the judgement, just be there for him and help him understand that it's not his fault. Good luck.

 

[CharlieB]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

Focus on your son and not his mother. She may have more issues than you know. One day he will understand and accept his mother as she is. Let him make the judgement, just be there for him and help him understand that it's not his fault. Good luck.

Wise words!

It is difficult but she will always be his Mother, no matter what she says and does, he has feeling for her. YOU have to be very careful what you say about her, often best not to say anything derogatory other than that something must be bothering her that she can't change, causing her to be angry.

 

[ezbtr]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

As it turned out, his teacher lost(???) 2-3 of his assignments and he had 2-3 not finished, he got it cleaned up in two days - as to why his mom had to talk that way, who knows...he spoke w/ her, not me. I always tell him how proud I am of him, he is at that forgetful teen stage too

 

[CharlieB]

Re: what to do when ex disses your kid?

Karl is going to turn out just fine, because he knows you are there for him and you care, and are willing to spend what ever time he needs.

Just always be available when he needs you.

At the age he is now it won't be easy for him to ask, so be aware and make the offers as you can.