Would you just leave?

[floatingwoody2006]

Without going into any details..Theoretically, if you discovered that someone you have been with for 18 years was having an affair, would you just leave them? I am only looking for a blunt answer without getting into any real details here other than to say it has been a typical long term relationship with just the normal up's and downs..

 

[Cadwelder]

Re: Would you just leave?

Wow, what a topic. Sounds like a question for Dr. Phil rather than a bunch of old guys on a forum, but I would find out some details, may be a good reason for the affair (yes somtimes there are reasons). Would be hard to just up and leave after 18 years without at least some explaining.

 

[cgd7777777]

Re: Would you just leave?

NO women cheat for diffrent reason than men
just check this place out
http://www.marriageintimacy.com/emotional-intimacy-4.htm

 

[floatingwoody2006]

Re: Would you just leave?

Can't imagine a good reason for an affair. Ill probably end up deleting this, but im just wondering if someone could ever accept it and move forward. Thanks..

 

[cgd7777777]

Re: Would you just leave?

If your not taking care of momma sombody else will

 

[royal0014]

Re: Would you just leave?

Hate to break it to you, but no one can answer the question but you. Time to do some soul searching......

Personally, when I had my fling a few years ago, my wife should have put me in the road, but she didn't. I came out with a real appreciation for her and what she means to me. Given time, it actually made us stronger. I love her more now than I ever have, and don't want to imagine life without her.

I say take a good hard look at yourself, and decide where you want to be.....

Hope this helps, at least a little


<<)))(((>>

 

[Summer Fun]

Re: Would you just leave?

I cheated with alot of married women when I was single.

Their main reason for them cheating was they weren't happy at home.

They said their sex life was boring & it was the same routine every time.

As in every wednesday night at 9:00pm and done by 9:05 pm. :facepalm:

And you'll always throw it in her face when a argument starts.

If you're going to forgive her then forgive her & NEVER say anything about it again.


Thats my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

[WIMUSKY]

Re: Would you just leave?

1 affair, no, multiple affairs, yes. Like has been said, you need to make the decision. Unless someone has gone thru it themselves, it's tough to really answer. You're right, there's never a good reason for an affair. If someone is that unhappy, they should just leave b/4 the affairs start.....JMO

 

[JB]

Re: Would you just leave?

No. I would try to learn what I need to do differently so she would not be vulnerable to an affair.

 

[rbh]

Re: Would you just leave?

Would I leave? No. Would I kick her to the curb? In a heartbeat! Simply put I've seen it too many times and it never seems to work out "going forward". One of my best friends (married 23 years) found out his wife was screwing around and they decided to try to move forward. In the end, his trust in her was destroyed and he drove himself nuts with trying to know where she was, who she was with, where the money was going, etc. 24/7 because he simply didn't trust her (for good reason). They spent another year being absolutely miserable before he called an end to it.


My personal view on it is that I can forgive just about anything but the betrayal of the very foundation of any marriage, the required trust. I've even had a frank discussion with my wife and told her that if she ever decided she wanted another man then be adult enough and have enough respect for me to say so and we will part company on the best terms possible. Stab me in the back and I will become her worst nightmare x 10.

Finally, its my experiance people don't really change at their core. If a spouce found an excuse and justification to do it once, they will find another one at some point in the future.

+1, I could not have said it better, if you have no trust in your spouse, shut it down now.

 

[johnson20]

Re: Would you just leave?

I would leave... Happen to be once and I dragged it out for nothing.

When a relationship is over its best to think of the bad times instead of the good times in order to bounce back.

good luck

 

[wifisher]

Re: Would you just leave?

I would leave and not look back.

If you found out about this one, how many did you not find out about?

 

[MTboatguy]

Re: Would you just leave?

Been there done that, my first wife cheated on me, As you note, I said first wife! Of course there is a lot of emotion involved in situations like this and you are the only one that can make the right choice for you. No matter what you decide, it is not going to be easy...good luck.

 

[Cofe]

Re: Would you just leave?

As others have stated , "Trust" is what makes the relationship.
I will tell you like my Dad told me years ago. "You are the one to make your decision. Only you know what you want to put up with, be it staying together, or splitting apart."

One note though, if you split the sheets, and you live in a no fault state, be prepared to split everything EVERYTHING 50/50

Another final note: Marriage counseling only works if both of you want to stay together.

 

[JRJ]

Re: Would you just leave?

Could be a CW song....A good reason to move on.... or not An affair may be forgiven but is never really forgotten. Personally, we've been married so long, I wouldn't get remarried if I was suddenly single. There doesn't appear to be all that many woman as faithful, loving, and caring as my wife

 

[floatingwoody2006]

Re: Would you just leave?

Thanks. I am having some real trust issues here and the lies to cover it up..Well she must have thought i am stupid. She is still living with me, but even though she has said it was nothing, and she want's to stay, she is doing nothing to go out of her way at all to prove this. She refused to go to counseling with me outright. All i know is that i provided everything monetarily, thought i did emotionally but it wasn't enough apparently. Im not ugly, lazy, abusive or out of shape. I just don't know what the hell get's into peoples heads.

 

[Summer Fun]

Re: Would you just leave?

but even though she has said it was nothing,

Cheating is just nothing to her ??. . . .

She refused to go to counseling with me outright

Then kick her to the curb .......... IT'S OVER !!!.

 

[ralphl]

Re: Would you just leave?

A good divorce is a lot better than a bad marriage

 

[WIMUSKY]

Re: Would you just leave?

To say "it was nothing" makes me believe she is only thinking of herself and not your emotions....

 

[kailec00]

Re: Would you just leave?

I would leave. I live my life by the motto ?Semper Fidelis?. It has been my way of life for over 15 years. If you break that that then I do not have time for you. Simply put.