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    A Hiding Place!

    So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans...
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    Installing a carpet...

    A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. <br /><br />In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. <br /><br />''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to...
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    Explaining Mars and Venus

    I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets...
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    Fishing trip

    It is supposed to be 68 degrees today. I think I will go fishing and see what is biting.. :D :D
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    What a woman says, What a man hears!

    What a woman says: <br />"This place is a mess! <br />C'mon, you and I need to clean, <br />Your stuff is lying on the floor <br />and you'll have no clothes to wear <br />if we don't do laundry right now!" <br /><br />What a man hears: <br />"blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON <br />blah, blah...
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    Why fishing is better than sex

    When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good. If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad. <br /><br />Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither and don't want to know how many other fish you caught. <br /><br />In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In...
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    Meeting New People

    It occurred at a party. A male guest tried to introduce himself to a female guest with whom he was not acquainted. <br /><br />"Hello, I'm ---" <br /><br />"A MOTEL????" she interrupted, very conspicuously, near the top of her lungs. <br /><br />"What?" <br /><br />"WHY DO YOU WANT TO TAKE ME TO...
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    Roadside Sobriety Test

    A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. "What are those for?" she asked suspiciously. "I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act." "Well show me," the officer demanded. So he got out...
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    Needing Assistance

    A couple are in bed when there is a knock on the front door. <br /><br />The husband rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:00 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. <br /><br />"Aren't you going to answer that?"...
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    Needing a Vet

    Darling," whispered a frail little husband from his chair. <br /><br />"I'm very sick, would you please call me a vet?" <br /><br />"A vet? Why do you want a vet and not a medical doctor?" asked his wife. <br /><br />The husband replied, "Because I work like a horse, live like a dog, and have to...
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    Another breakthrough

    Just finished reading this information at this website http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4253710/ and was wondering if we will be stocking corn in the basement in the future. What do you think?
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    A FIELD TRIP

    A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.<br /><br /> When it was time to take the children to...
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    Reading Predictive signs

    It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.<br /><br /> Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what winter was going to be...
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    Three Nurses go to Heaven

    Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.<br /> The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to...
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    Introducing the "TATER" FAMILY

    SPEC TATER...Person that is never motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work.<br /><br />COMMENT TATER...Person that never does anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work.<br /><br />AGIE TATER...Person that is always...
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    Once upon a time....

    There was a young couple that was very much in love and as they were heading to their wedding got involved in a terrible car crash and both were killed.<br /> Upon arriving in heaven and meeting St. Peter asked if they could be married. As this was unusual St. Peter had to check. After...
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    Betcha Didn't know...

    1. In a settlement between Sears and customers with improperly done wheel balancing, lawyers got $2.45 million, and customers got $2.50 a tire. (St. Louis Post-Dispatch, June 4)<br /><br />2. In a $3.7 million settlement between televangelist Jim Bakker's Praise The Lord Ministries and 165,000...
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    How it feels to be old!

    Two seniors were sitting on a park bench.<br /><br /> Walter turns to Slim and says, "Slim, I'm 73<br />years old and I'm just full of aches and pains.<br />I know you are about my age. How do you feel?"<br /> <br /> Slim replied "I feel just like a new born babe."<br /><br /> Rather...
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    Who to pay the Bill?

    A man suffers a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health...
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    The wrong answer!

    A husband and wife are getting ready for bed, the wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself.<br /> "You know love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my bum is hanging out a...
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