Kalifornyakid
Petty Officer 2nd Class
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2007
- Messages
- 122
Hey folks,
I thought this was funny, hope you don't mind me posting it here!
By the way, it's not intended as a troll, but flame away anyway!
SATIRE: How the D-Day Invasion Would Be Reported By Today's Press
NORMANDY, FRANCE (June 6, 1944)
Three hundred French civilians were killed and thousands more were wounded
today in the first hours of America's invasion of continental Europe.
Casualties were heaviest among women and children. Most of the French
casualties were the result of artillery fire from American ships attempting
to knock out German fortifications prior to the landing of hundreds of
thousands of U.S. troops. Reports from a makeshift hospital in the French
town of St. Mere Eglise said the carnage was far worse than the French had
anticipated, and that reaction against the American invasion was running
high. "We are dying for no reason," said a Frenchman speaking on condition
of anonymity. "Americans can't even shoot straight. I never thought I'd say
this, but life was better under Adolph Hitler."
The invasion also caused severe environmental damage. American troops,
tanks, trucks and machinery destroyed miles of pristine shoreline and
thousands of acres of ecologically sensitive wetlands. It was believed that
the habitat of the spineless French crab was completely wiped out, thus
threatening the species with extinction. A representative of Greenpeace
said his organization, which had tried to stall the invasion for over a
year, was appalled at the destruction, but not surprised. "This is just
another example of how the military destroys the environment without a
second thought," said Christine Moanmore. "And it's all about corporate
greed."
Contacted at his Manhattan condo, a member of the French
government-in-exile who abandoned Paris when Hitler invaded, said the
invasion was based solely on American financial interests. "Everyone knows
that President Roosevelt has ties to 'big beer'," said Pierre LeWimp. "Once
the German beer industry is conquered, Roosevelt's beer cronies will
control the world market and make a fortune."
Administration supporters said America's aggressive actions were based in
part on the assertions of controversial scientist Albert Einstein, who sent
a letter to Roosevelt speculating that the Germans were developing a secret
weapon -- a so-called "atomic bomb". Such a weapon could produce casualties
on a scale never seen before, and cause environmental damage that could
last for thousands of years. Hitler has denied having such a weapon and
international inspectors were unable to locate such weapons even after
spending two long weekends in Germany.
Shortly after the invasion began, reports surfaced that German prisoners
had been abused by American soldiers. Mistreatment of Jews by Germans at
their so-called "concentration camps" has been rumored, but so far this
remains unproven.
Several thousand Americans died during the first hours of the invasion, and
French officials are concerned that the uncollected corpses will pose a
public-health risk. "The Americans should have planned for this in
advance," they said. "It's their mess, and we don't intend to help clean it
up."
I thought this was funny, hope you don't mind me posting it here!
By the way, it's not intended as a troll, but flame away anyway!
SATIRE: How the D-Day Invasion Would Be Reported By Today's Press
NORMANDY, FRANCE (June 6, 1944)
Three hundred French civilians were killed and thousands more were wounded
today in the first hours of America's invasion of continental Europe.
Casualties were heaviest among women and children. Most of the French
casualties were the result of artillery fire from American ships attempting
to knock out German fortifications prior to the landing of hundreds of
thousands of U.S. troops. Reports from a makeshift hospital in the French
town of St. Mere Eglise said the carnage was far worse than the French had
anticipated, and that reaction against the American invasion was running
high. "We are dying for no reason," said a Frenchman speaking on condition
of anonymity. "Americans can't even shoot straight. I never thought I'd say
this, but life was better under Adolph Hitler."
The invasion also caused severe environmental damage. American troops,
tanks, trucks and machinery destroyed miles of pristine shoreline and
thousands of acres of ecologically sensitive wetlands. It was believed that
the habitat of the spineless French crab was completely wiped out, thus
threatening the species with extinction. A representative of Greenpeace
said his organization, which had tried to stall the invasion for over a
year, was appalled at the destruction, but not surprised. "This is just
another example of how the military destroys the environment without a
second thought," said Christine Moanmore. "And it's all about corporate
greed."
Contacted at his Manhattan condo, a member of the French
government-in-exile who abandoned Paris when Hitler invaded, said the
invasion was based solely on American financial interests. "Everyone knows
that President Roosevelt has ties to 'big beer'," said Pierre LeWimp. "Once
the German beer industry is conquered, Roosevelt's beer cronies will
control the world market and make a fortune."
Administration supporters said America's aggressive actions were based in
part on the assertions of controversial scientist Albert Einstein, who sent
a letter to Roosevelt speculating that the Germans were developing a secret
weapon -- a so-called "atomic bomb". Such a weapon could produce casualties
on a scale never seen before, and cause environmental damage that could
last for thousands of years. Hitler has denied having such a weapon and
international inspectors were unable to locate such weapons even after
spending two long weekends in Germany.
Shortly after the invasion began, reports surfaced that German prisoners
had been abused by American soldiers. Mistreatment of Jews by Germans at
their so-called "concentration camps" has been rumored, but so far this
remains unproven.
Several thousand Americans died during the first hours of the invasion, and
French officials are concerned that the uncollected corpses will pose a
public-health risk. "The Americans should have planned for this in
advance," they said. "It's their mess, and we don't intend to help clean it
up."
