A Thinking Problem

aspeck

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It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confess, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," She said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, and her lower lip began to aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.

"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors, they didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's", the week before, it was "Animal House". Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.

Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I made the final step. I registered to vote as a Democrat.
 

waterinthefuel

Commander
Joined
Nov 15, 2003
Messages
2,728
Re: A Thinking Problem

Wow, that's not exactly where I thought that was going. To be quite honest I wasn't sure where it was going, but it took a neat, albeit unexpected, turn at the end.
 

JB

Honorary Moderator Emeritus
Joined
Mar 25, 2001
Messages
45,907
Re: A Thinking Problem

Actually, that was the punch line that I expected. . . .er. . .um. . .I think I expected it. :)
 

PW2

Commander
Joined
Apr 21, 2004
Messages
2,719
Re: A Thinking Problem

I thought the bastion of libs was the intellectual elite?

You guys need to get your storys straight!
 

OldMercsRule

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Joined
Nov 30, 2006
Messages
3,340
Re: A Thinking Problem

I thought the bastion of libs was the intellectual elite?

You guys need to get your storys straight!

Real Simple PW2. Lowley Democrat voter = dim wit, (or maybe a smart feller like TG that gives in to the MSM's call fer victimhood). Democrat Leaders, MSM, University Professors, et al = The ol' nagin' question! Ya know PW2!!! :D:D JR
 
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