BIL Woes...

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Back in July, my brother-in-law's (BIL) girlfriend of 16 years passed away. He is 62 and pretty much set in his ways. Since then, he has not stayed one night in his house. Right after her death, he stayed with his brother for awhile and then to some friends. About 6 weeks ago, he moved in with my wife and I. He is not a problem, but the old saying that there is not a roof big enough for two families does hold water.

He has met a lady that just moved to Georgia, but she will be returning in December. (sure wished it was a lot sooner).

I asked him why he doesn't stay at his house. His excuse is that the bathroom had to be totally gutted due to his girlfriends body being in there for 5 days before being found. That is understandable to say the least. Well,,,,,now it is the kitchen he is remodeling, then the living room, etc. I'm thinking he is scared to spend a night in there by himself. My daughter was renting the apartment above him and said she hadn't experienced anything weird.

Any ideas on how to get him to move a bit faster? I even told him about the previous owners of my house had died in the bedroom he is staying. He said that didn't bother him one bit. Just makes me wonder what his problem is.

I like the old days when I get up and do what I want to do without waking anyone up. Sure takes away the wooopee times for my wife and I

 

[salty87]

Re: BIL Woes...

is he actually going over there to work? have you gone over there yourself?

 

[MikDee]

Re: BIL Woes...

It sounds like he has a fear of being alone. Maybe you should tell him to get a dog, or cat, or maybe help him get his house in order (if you can), or both, to sort of hint that you need your personal bonding time with your wife, or family.

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: BIL Woes...

some times you just have to give the nudge. can you arrange to have some other guest come visit for the weekend or so, that you need his room? can you move him into the boat on the trailer?

 

[TilliamWe]

Re: BIL Woes...

So the bathroom repair is completed? If so, it's time to sit down with him and explain that it's time to move back to his own place. If he can't do that due to the creepiness factor (which I totally understand!), then he has to find a new place. And that place is not your place. Time for some Firm but compassionate "love".

 

[dolluper]

Re: BIL Woes...

Ah yes whoopie time....well send him to the hardware store with a long list like 113 pop rivets 13 1/4 inch....19 5/8....21 3/16 and so on tell to make sure he gets the exact amount of each size as it's very important and to call when he has them all then change the order ,,,be gone for days

 

[slia67]

Re: BIL Woes...

SS,

I think I understand this one.

My FIL died a couple of weeks ago. Now, everytime my wife goes over there to be with her mom, seeing all of her dads stuff brings back a rush of emotions and grief. She doesn't want put his stuff away because when she looks around and sees the stuff missing, she's afraid it will leave an even larger hole in her heart. With my wife it will take time to heal the pain.

I believe your BIL is in the same boat (no pun intended). It sounds like he is afraid to be in the same house where he spent so many years making memories with his girlfriend. It will take time to heal, but he does need to face the problem or it will never go away.

My suggestion would be to help him through it by having people visit (or stay with him) until those fears/emotions start to subside. Or discuss with him the option of selling the house and starting over from scratch, the memory ties won't be so strong in a nuetral place.

Hope this helps.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: BIL Woes...

He's has his concession stands and it wasn't too bad when he had places to set up. Now that the season is over, he doesn't have much to do. I've been down to his house and he is doing a fabulous job. He has his rental properties that keeps him a little busy also. He is back on his feet after finding out that his girlfriend cleaned his checking/savings accounts. Still trying to get all those credit cards she fraudulently received.

His health is fair and he has been staying on his medicine. His new girl friend has really given him lots of hope and happiness. Actually, I've never seen him happier. (I'd be happy staying somewhere getting free room and board too ) He also has his beer drinking buddies that party in his garage. They will get done and leave while he locks things up and comes to our house. Seems to me he would stay home to prevent getting a ticket for DUI. In 3 weeks, he is going to Georgia to move her back to Ohio. Hopefully he moves her into his house and not mine

I do like the idea of sending him on an errand or two

TD, the boat is all covered up and winterized and I think he wouldn't like climbing an 8' ladder to get in and out. I know I don't care too much for it

Thanks guys, guess I'm a bit over due for ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,we won't go there since this is a family site .........SS

 

[Hoss the Hermit]

Re: BIL Woes...

Got a two week rule here, applies to her family or mine, no excuses, 14 days and out the door. May sound harsh, but it's the way it is.

 

[MikDee]

Re: BIL Woes...

It sounds like he'll be occupied as soon as he hooks back up with the girlfirend So,,, Send him to the movies, bowling, golfing, or get him tickets to a concert, car show, or boat show, like you would do with the kids