Looks good, and it should move more air with smooth wall pipe instead of the convoluted hose.
I will say I don't understand the reason for the pipe (or hose) on the inlet side. As GA Boater pointed out you want to 'exhaust' from the lowest point possible (gas fumes are heavier than air and sink to the lowest point). The fresh air inlet really doesn't need any hose or pipe.
If you do want to have a pipe for the fresh air inlet I would suggest moving it as far away from the exhaust as possible. You don't want the air to simply come down the inlet and get sucked right back out the exhaust.
You also want to keep the air moving as smoothly as possible with as little swirling as possible. You want to leave the fumes settled gently on the bottom and suck them out,... kind of difficult to do if the incoming air makes everything swirl around.