dewey cheatum & howe

[oops!]

>
>
>>
>> These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
>> things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
>> published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
>> these exchanges were actually taking place.
>>
>>
>> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
>> WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
>> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
>> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>>
>> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>>
>> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>> WITNESS: I forget.
>> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
>> ____________ _________ _________ _________ ____
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
>> WITNESS: We both do.
>> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>> WITNESS: We do.
>> ATTORNEY: You do?
>> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
>> he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>> ____________ _________ _________ ______
>>
>> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>> WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
>> ____________ _________ _________ _________ ____
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>> WITNESS: Are you serious?
>> ____________ _________ _________ _________ __
>>
>> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>> WITNESS: having sex.
>> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>>
>> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>> WITNESS: None.
>> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>> W ITNESS : Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
>> new attorney?
>> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>>
>> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>> WITNESS: By death.
>> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>> WITNESS: Take a guess.
>>
>> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
>> ____________ _________ _________ _______
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
>> notice which I sent to your attorney?
>> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>> ____________ _________ _________ ________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
>> people?
>> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
>> ____________ _________ _________ _________ __
>>
>> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>> WITNESS: Oral.
>> ____________ _________ _________ _________ __
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
>> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
>> ____________ _________ _________ ________
>>
>> And the best for last:
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
>> pulse?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
>> began the autopsy?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
>> nevertheless?
>> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: dewey cheatum & howe

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

ROFLMAO....................... You're killing me here oops!!

 

[180shabah]

Re: dewey cheatum & howe

Thanks OOPS! I needed those.

 

[levittownnick]

Re: dewey cheatum & howe

They are a very good laugh even though I don't believe any of them were exaggerations or made-up.

 

[wildmaninal]

Re: dewey cheatum & howe

Thanks I needed that .