Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

[tallcanadian]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

Thanks guys much appreciated. Life sometimes throws us some curve balls and it's up to us what we do. While I have many regrets in this sensitive situation, I'm am so happy for the rest of the parents on here who have overcome their ordeal and have a chance with their kids. I can't do anymore except wait and that's what I will do. Maybe being a parent wasn't in the cards for me. However congrats to all the others. My heart goes out to you all.

 

[IPhone pirate]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

TC.

That's a little how my life went honestly. My dad left when I was 12..... Showed up again at the beginning stages of all this. Court bs.

He actually helped fund some of it and has sense wanted to make up for lost time of you will. I am still stand off - ish but at the same time open to the idea. He and I have very diff. Values and it would be an obvious roadblock.

I think you should contact your boys if you've not tried. Start slow. But you have to start

 

[tallcanadian]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

It's normal for you to be standoffish. You really don't know each other. Give him a chance to prove himself. Keep and open mind. I hope it all works out for you. I'm really nervous about making the first contact. I did read their facebook page a couple of years ago and what they thought of me was horrific. However I did make it easy for them to contact me if they wish. Time will tell. Good Luck

 

[LippCJ7]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

I tell you TC for a long time I struggled with missing my children, everyone told me they would figure it out on their own, I just kept busy, kept my mind off it, then one day, I got the phone call.


I have a hard time believing it actually happened....

 

[tallcanadian]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

Good to hear Lipp. Wow, must have shocked you. Nice ending for sure.

 

[SeaKaye12]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

TC....

This thread reminded me of something I hadn't thought of in a long time.

A good friend of mine has a grand-daughter that she was never permitted to see. Her Mom (my friends' Daughter in Law) didn't like her and purposely created multi-state distance between them and thwarted every effort she made to make contact with her grand-daughter.

My friend decided to keep a diary and wrote in it each time she thought of her grand-daughter. Needless to say; that diary had a lot of entries.

At age 18, she had an opportunity to meet with the grand-daughter and she left her with the diary. It provided proof of a cease-less interest in her; something that the grand-daughter just would not believe until she read the diary and realized just how sincere she had been.

Today they have a great relationship. It was a shame that they lost the benefit of each other for 18 years....but in the end her sincerity won out.

Something to think about.

Chuck

 

[nwcove]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

i raised two boys on my own, one biological, one not, i was the soccer dad among soccer moms, struggled with all the things i thought i didnt know, the youngest was still in diapers. the person that gave birth to them ( cant call her a mother) moved three provinces away and hasnt seen either one in 15 years. also owes thousands in child support.....and thats added up at $110/month..$55/kid, the enforcement program for child support here is useless, but it doesnt matter. the oldest boy is working, making more money than me, the youngest is away in school. neither have ever been in trouble or caused me any (much) grief. dads can do it too!!!!!!

 

[Fleetwin]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

Good job! As stated too many get raised by mothers only. Imbalance, IMHO.

 

[magster65]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

That's great news for ya', congrats!
I'll share my situation with ya'... it was incredibly frustrating at first. My kid was only a few months old and his mother chose 'party' over parenthood. She was in to drugs as well as booze. She crashed my van (drove it home somehow), a bunch of money disappeared and my house turned into her personal party palace. Not for long... I have a job and keep regular hours. So after a scuffle with her 'friends' that reported me for assault (charges were dropped) she smashed the dishes and left... without trying to take my son thankfully. I'm not sure how I would have reacted if she tried to take him... I'd be in jail. She cleaned out the house though. Anyways... even though she had disappeared and had no contact for over a year I still had to go through the same process with the courts as if she was contesting. She wasn't. She was served 3 times and never showed up for any of them. At this point she was living on the streets and there was no way to serve her any more 'summons to appears'. The f'n judges just kept remanding it. I've never been so ticked off in all my life. More days off, more money and more bs. On the 5th, YES 5th hearing the judge finally listened to my story and awarded me everything. You'd think I'd be thrilled... but I wasn't completely. I realized that it was a reality and that I was going to be raising him on my own. I left the courts broke, frustrated, uncertain... and mad as heck. Bittersweet. Talk about a lifestyle change overnight... I had an infant! lol It was a tough road for a while but the hardest days are far behind us. I had to liquidate the Harley and the '56 Chev... paid the bills and bought some pampers and Penatin butt cream. lol That was 7 years ago already. I was really fortunate along the way with daycare and a great employer. They were an enormous help!
Today I have a new lady in my life (cute and loves boating!) who has a boy the same age (bruth'a from anutha' mutha' the boys call each other). I managed to financially recover and I'm looking at replacing the '56 soon... maybe not with a '56 though.
Life is good.

 

[Blacksting]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

My daughter had to fight just to get shared custody of our grandson--who turned 4 yrs. old today.

The problem is that the father doesn't understand divorce, and the courts. When the romance is over, it's over--and from then on out it's a business decision. Unfortunately, I'm my daughter's banker--and all the clothes, daycare and other expenses are paid by me, the retired guy.

It's just best to talk about basic things like clothes, activities, etc. Keep the vindictiveness and personal feelings out of any conversations.

I just hope you have a support staff--your family. It's triple tough trying to deal 24/7 with a child by yourself.

reality check ,....its' much much harder dealing without your kids than with them ...

 

[JB]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

12. Please do not post to threads that have been inactive for more than 3 months UN-LESS you are the original poster. We have very active forums and any thread that remains inactive for that long should be considered "dead". It is especially confusing when there is an entirely new question posted to an old thread. This is considered a hijack. Please start a new thread of your own.