Do you believe people can change?

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

I went to my 30 year class reunion. It was my first since my graduation in 74. Maybe a few has changed, but the rest are still the same in attitudes and personalities. A few of the women said "If I had known you would have turned out like the way you are, I would have taken better interest". Yep, heard them say that to a few other guys as well and that is what told me that they hadn't changed one bit either.

People with age become wiser and more experienced, but deep down they are the same person.

 

[jbjennings]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

I've been lurking on your thread and thought I'd post a few thoughts, Manimal:

Don't go for the looks, go for the COOKS! No joke!!!!

Take all the little things you don't like about them or that slightly annoy you and multiply them by 1 billion. That's how bad they'll seem the first year you're married. So you'd better pick one that you think is already PERFECT! Really. If this girl doesn't seem absolutely perfect right now and you've just started getting to know her, then you'd better run like the wind or enjoy it while it lasts and prepare for the future heartache.
I think Kiwi Phil's 1st response was excellent advice.

BTW, I know you're not talking about marrying the girl but still, something to think about. Personally, I'd be totally frightened of someone that has had those kinds of problems.

I hope you find a good 'un!
JBJ​

 

[Kiwi Phil]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

Bxggar!!!....sorry you blokes.....I was sure I read you were 21.
My mistake, and I apologise for it.
But then again, take the positive.....it is only 8 yrs out....and at my age, thats nothing.
I also think all that has been said still applies anyway.

Cheers
Phillip

 

[xxturbowesxx]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

I'm 24 and been with the same girl for 7 years and couldn't be happier. Not the kind of happy you tell your girlfriend you are but legitimately happy.Shes a great girl dental student,no drugs,occasional drinker,good background. I was never looking for a Partner but it just happened and we have been living together for 5yrs. I'm sure we will get married someday but we are happy as is(practically married anyway). I guess I got lucky I don't invest work into my relationship it just works. I would never invest hard work into a relationship it either works or doesn't. I'm young and you guys are wise I just hope that I never grow bitter because of a woman.

 

[jbjennings]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

Sorry, thinking out loud.

 

[mickjetblue]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

I have seen many people go through the motions of trying to change
for the better, but not really sincere about it. They stay the same, or worsen.

I have seen a few people work very hard to change for the better, and they
literally remove themselves from their former ways and stay with better ways.

Good luck!

 

[mphy98]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

as a former foster parent of many years, i have seen the dredge of society. many times the same kids year after year because the people do not change. i also have a good friend that was in the NFL for 10 years. made a LOT of money. I nor his wife could stop him from his demon, gambling. he is now dead broke, divorced, no super bowl ring, nothing. i have paid his rent a couple of times but i feel i am enabling him when i do. the only time people change is when they hit rock bottom and either die or get religion to help them lift themselves out of their troubles. I pray for these people daily and hope one day they can stand on their own. but so far, far and few between have. it is so sad.

 

[mthieme]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

you don't actually believe that do you?
went to jail for backtalking?

I believe it.
I work at a Police department.
Try sassing one, disagreeing or just plain looking at one the wrong way...you'll find out how quick Disorderly Conduct gets you a rent free night.

 

[jonesg]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

as a former foster parent of many years, i have seen the dredge of society. many times the same kids year after year because the people do not change. i also have a good friend that was in the NFL for 10 years. made a LOT of money. I nor his wife could stop him from his demon, gambling. he is now dead broke, divorced, no super bowl ring, nothing. i have paid his rent a couple of times but i feel i am enabling him when i do. the only time people change is when they hit rock bottom and either die or get religion to help them lift themselves out of their troubles. I pray for these people daily and hope one day they can stand on their own. but so far, far and few between have. it is so sad.

What about offering to take him to a gamblers annonymous meeting in your area, then leave him be.... he'll either get it or drift further down the scale and theres nothing you can do about that, sometimes you just have to watch them die. Offer the hand of help, carry the message not the body.

http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/mtgdirTOP.html

 

[jonesg]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

I believe it.
I work at a Police department.
Try sassing one, disagreeing or just plain looking at one the wrong way...you'll find out how quick Disorderly Conduct gets you a rent free night.

Thats not backtalking, thats interferring.
You know how to tell when an addict is lying?
their lips move.

 

[jonesg]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

I'm 24 and been with the same girl for 7 years and couldn't be happier. Not the kind of happy you tell your girlfriend you are but legitimately happy.Shes a great girl dental student,no drugs,occasional drinker,good background. I was never looking for a Partner but it just happened and we have been living together for 5yrs. I'm sure we will get married someday but we are happy as is(practically married anyway). I guess I got lucky I don't invest work into my relationship it just works. I would never invest hard work into a relationship it either works or doesn't. I'm young and you guys are wise I just hope that I never grow bitter because of a woman.

Thats all true, when the chemistry is right ...the rest is effortless.
If you get bitter because of a woman, ultimately its not the woman.
Yeh she might be nuts but whats our excuse for getting into that situation.?

BTW, if you haven't put a ring on her finger she's fair game in my book.!

 

[wildmaninal]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

aacchh , no thanks, having to smoke all that pot again.!

Simmon didn't say that we would half to do the same thing over again, there are a few things that I would change.

I went to my 30 year class reunion. It was my first since my graduation in 74. Maybe a few has changed, but the rest are still the same in attitudes and personalities. A few of the women said "If I had known you would have turned out like the way you are, I would have taken better interest". Yep, heard them say that to a few other guys as well and that is what told me that they hadn't changed one bit either.

People with age become wiser and more experienced, but deep down they are the same person.

I missed out on my 10 year class reunion. Went through all the trouble of finding out about where it was going to be/what time and all and ended up missing it due to work and being to tired. That's when I was working last year. I know just about all my classmates are married from crossing paths with them downtown. Even that bipolar girl has her regrets about us going our separate ways.

I've been lurking on your thread and thought I'd post a few thoughts, Manimal:

Don't go for the looks, go for the COOKS! No joke!!!!

Take all the little things you don't like about them or that slightly annoy you and multiply them by 1 billion. That's how bad they'll seem the first year you're married. So you'd better pick one that you think is already PERFECT! Really. If this girl doesn't seem absolutely perfect right now and you've just started getting to know her, then you'd better run like the wind or enjoy it while it lasts and prepare for the future heartache.
I think Kiwi Phil's 1st response was excellent advice.

BTW, I know you're not talking about marrying the girl but still, something to think about. Personally, I'd be totally frightened of someone that has had those kinds of problems.

I hope you find a good 'un!
JBJ​

Right now I'm so sick of my mother's attitude about her (this lady) and I going out and having a good time. I'm so freaking deppressed and peaved because of not only my mother but I also have something else (maybe minor maybe not haven't completely figured it out yet) wrong that just came up, won't go into details, I'll just say it's a problem with me and we'll leave it at that. Freaking finding a job around here is like trying to find gold on top of everything else, maybe I should pan for gold might have better luck. We went out last night to the same bar we went to Saturday night, shot some pool and all. I actually drunk some of a beer and a half of a salty dog last night, I wasn't going to drink that but I did.

It's been 5 years or longer since I've been out or dated a woman and had fun. Now I've got my mother jumping down my case and talking trash about a girl she doesn't even know well but yet my mother and I set and visited with her a few days back for a while things were just fine then, but now her attitude is like this....... OH Y'ALL CAN'T GO HAVE FUN THOUGH, she didn't say that but I know she's thinking it. I'm about ready to RUNNOFT by myself and say the heck with everything. Darned if ya do and darned if ya don't type deal.

Bxggar!!!....sorry you blokes.....I was sure I read you were 21.
My mistake, and I apologise for it.
But then again, take the positive.....it is only 8 yrs out....and at my age, thats nothing.
I also think all that has been said still applies anyway.

Cheers
Phillip

No problem. Strange how 8 years out doesn't make a difference when your up there in age, but when your in your early 20's it makes a differnce, or at least it did to me back then.

I'm 24 and been with the same girl for 7 years and couldn't be happier. Not the kind of happy you tell your girlfriend you are but legitimately happy.Shes a great girl dental student,no drugs,occasional drinker,good background. I was never looking for a Partner but it just happened and we have been living together for 5yrs. I'm sure we will get married someday but we are happy as is(practically married anyway). I guess I got lucky I don't invest work into my relationship it just works. I would never invest hard work into a relationship it either works or doesn't. I'm young and you guys are wise I just hope that I never grow bitter because of a woman.

I have invested "work" on any girl I've dated. Sometimes dating or relationships do need work, part of that work is learning your date or partner and solving issues that arise. I'm not fixing to be a miracle worker and snap my fingers and change any woman or person, nor am I expecting to change anybody because I'm darn sure not a miracle worker. It was mentioned earlier in the thread that some people need something good to come into their life in order to change themselves, or something like that. When this lady showed up in my life I've noticed that I openend up and became active again instead of just sitting around by my lonesome and feeling pitiful etc etc.

Another 10 years and you'll have common law marriage.

I have seen many people go through the motions of trying to change
for the better, but not really sincere about it. They stay the same, or worsen.

I have seen a few people work very hard to change for the better, and they
literally remove themselves from their former ways and stay with better ways.

Good luck!

I hear ya, I also thank you.

 

[wildmaninal]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

as a former foster parent of many years, i have seen the dredge of society. many times the same kids year after year because the people do not change. i also have a good friend that was in the NFL for 10 years. made a LOT of money. I nor his wife could stop him from his demon, gambling. he is now dead broke, divorced, no super bowl ring, nothing. i have paid his rent a couple of times but i feel i am enabling him when i do. the only time people change is when they hit rock bottom and either die or get religion to help them lift themselves out of their troubles. I pray for these people daily and hope one day they can stand on their own. but so far, far and few between have. it is so sad.

I just don't know, maybe it's my religion that I've been raised with that has me thinking the way I do, maybe it's my big heart. I have been inactive in my religion the past few years.

 

[jonesg]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

What do you think is missing from your life ?
a job? girlfreind? ... ?

 

[xxturbowesxx]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

Simmon didn't say that we would half to do the same thing over again, there are a few things that I would change.


I missed out on my 10 year class reunion. Went through all the trouble of finding out about where it was going to be/what time and all and ended up missing it due to work and being to tired. That's when I was working last year. I know just about all my classmates are married from crossing paths with them downtown. Even that bipolar girl has her regrets about us going our separate ways.



Right now I'm so sick of my mother's attitude about her (this lady) and I going out and having a good time. I'm so freaking deppressed and peaved because of not only my mother but I also have something else (maybe minor maybe not haven't completely figured it out yet) wrong that just came up, won't go into details, I'll just say it's a problem with me and we'll leave it at that. Freaking finding a job around here is like trying to find gold on top of everything else, maybe I should pan for gold might have better luck. We went out last night to the same bar we went to Saturday night, shot some pool and all. I actually drunk some of a beer and a half of a salty dog last night, I wasn't going to drink that but I did.

It's been 5 years or longer since I've been out or dated a woman and had fun. Now I've got my mother jumping down my case and talking trash about a girl she doesn't even know well but yet my mother and I set and visited with her a few days back for a while things were just fine then, but now her attitude is like this....... OH Y'ALL CAN'T GO HAVE FUN THOUGH, she didn't say that but I know she's thinking it. I'm about ready to RUNNOFT by myself and say the heck with everything. Darned if ya do and darned if ya don't type deal.



No problem. Strange how 8 years out doesn't make a difference when your up there in age, but when your in your early 20's it makes a differnce, or at least it did to me back then.



I have invested "work" on any girl I've dated. Sometimes dating or relationships do need work, part of that work is learning your date or partner and solving issues that arise. I'm not fixing to be a miracle worker and snap my fingers and change any woman or person, nor am I expecting to change anybody because I'm darn sure not a miracle worker. It was mentioned earlier in the thread that some people need something good to come into their life in order to change themselves, or something like that. When this lady showed up in my life I've noticed that I openend up and became active again instead of just sitting around by my lonesome and feeling pitiful etc etc.

Another 10 years and you'll have common law marriage.



I hear ya, I also thank you.

No such thing as common law in florida

But im sure we will marry in a few years anyway..My point is that for me if I have to invest alot of work and time in making a relationship work I will move on.

 

[wildmaninal]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

What do you think is missing from your life ?
a job? girlfreind? ... ?

Both are missing.....Just because I don't have a job doesn't mean I don't have some kind of income, I've been able to draw unemployment. Luckily the one and only major bill is paid up ahead.

If things go right I might be working with my father hauling wood (short logs) with my truck but that's still not going to be a constant thing, and the trailer that I'll be using still needs work.

See my cousin (who she's staying with at the moment) has a habbit of treating this lady like she is dumb or something. I know for a fact that she is pretty smart, heck she can even read faster then me.

No such thing as common law in florida

But im sure we will marry in a few years anyway..My point is that for me if I have to invest alot of work and time in making a relationship work I will move on.

I got to thinking about the common law thing after I mentioned it, I forgot that some states are different. I had a relative devorced his wife but they ended up back together for 15 years and it was considered common law marraige.

I hear ya.....I mean if I find a woman that has money owed she is going to half to find a way to pay it, like this one lady for instance, which she is applying for jobs left and right.

I hope I didn't sound like I was barking at you earlier because I didn't mean to..... I'm in a little better mood now but not completely out of the woods yet .

My mother basically said something along the lines of "just watch my back with this girl" and "I'm not saying this girl doesn't like you" after she (my mother) originally blew up on me.

 

[SuzukiChopper]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

My mother basically said something along the lines of "just watch my back with this girl" and "I'm not saying this girl doesn't like you" after she (my mother) originally blew up on me.

Mom's look out for their sons, more-so I've seen then their daughters. Dad's look out for the girls it seems. My mom had a TON of reservations about my ex, my dad loved her. My mom was right in the end. Take what she says to heart to help you make an educated decision. Don't get angry when she questions your judgment. With this new lady in my life, both my parents absolutely love her and her dad likes me so I know things will work out

 

[jonesg]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

Both are missing.....Just because I don't have a job doesn't mean I don't have some kind of income, I've been able to draw unemployment. Luckily the one and only major bill is paid up ahead.

If things go right I might be working with my father hauling wood (short logs) with my truck but that's still not going to be a constant thing, and the trailer that I'll be using still needs work.
.

I took a quick look at jobs in your area, yikes theres nothing.!

But if you have a truck you can do garbage dump hauling for people or basement cleanouts, demo work , place an ad in the supermkts and craigslist.
The work might be dirty but the money's clean.!
Sometimes you have to create your own job.

I'm in catering, its almost as bad as the boat biz right now so I started baking wholesale and delivering to cafes and coffee shops, I don't care for waking up at 2:30am but its work...thankfully I have the skill to do it.

My wife was laid off by bank of America, she's collecting and taking advantage of the training programs during unemployment, she taking nurses aid , it pays quite well and the course is only 2 months.

Keep sluggin.

 

[wildmaninal]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

Mom's look out for their sons, more-so I've seen then their daughters. Dad's look out for the girls it seems. My mom had a TON of reservations about my ex, my dad loved her. My mom was right in the end. Take what she says to heart to help you make an educated decision. Don't get angry when she questions your judgment. With this new lady in my life, both my parents absolutely love her and her dad likes me so I know things will work out

When I was dating the other girl in the past both my mom and dad hated that girl. This new lady my father actually talks to and jokes around with. My mother is always working when this ladys comes around, she only really met her 2 times.

I took a quick look at jobs in your area, yikes theres nothing.!

But if you have a truck you can do garbage dump hauling for people or basement cleanouts, demo work , place an ad in the supermkts and craigslist.
The work might be dirty but the money's clean.!
Sometimes you have to create your own job.

I'm in catering, its almost as bad as the boat biz right now so I started baking wholesale and delivering to cafes and coffee shops, I don't care for waking up at 2:30am but its work...thankfully I have the skill to do it.

My wife was laid off by bank of America, she's collecting and taking advantage of the training programs during unemployment, she taking nurses aid , it pays quite well and the course is only 2 months.

Keep sluggin.

Yup you see what I mean, some of the jobs that are still on indeed dot com I've already applied for in the past. We have an "electronic bingo" (cough cough), it's really a casino (but they can't say that) supposedly coming in to our county, both the lady and I applied for this. I got a couple of jobs wrote down, fixing to program the one address into my GPS, I've applied for the other job 2 times in the past.

My mother works for Wachovia, the bank she is at most of the time got bought out, so I guess she'll be transferred into this new bank or moved to another Wachovia don't know yet. She could retire if she wanted to but it would be sort of an early retirement but something to fall back on if all else fails.

I have several relatives, some have retired but still do little jobs here and there. None of them have ever agreed to help me out when I asked if they needed help. You might recall that I'm also limited to the job I can except, I can't take a full time stand up position do to my ankle.

 

[wildmaninal]

Re: Do you believe people can change?

I had to tell you all this one. We went out again the other night, I had used my other debit card to run a tab at the same bar but it wasn't explained to me that they couldn't run it for anything less then $10. First off I got all the way out to my truck and it wasn't till then I remembered I had a tab they still had my card. She got in the truck, I just gave her a sign that I would be right back, so I walked back in the bouncer tried to charge me for entering since the band was playing I explained my situation and found out about the $10 minimun only deal. My charge was only $2.50 since I done payed for everything in cash which I didn't spend much.

So the bartender said well you can run to the ATM, my ATM wasn't but right around the block so I did that. I couldn't remember my pin don't use that card much, the ATM took my card so I had to run all the way back home to get the cash. That was embarrassing right there :redface:, even though it was only $2.50 I wasn't fixing to leave it unpaid because I wanted to be able to go back to this bar again. We still had a decent time after all of that.

I have an interview with the Sherrif's department Monday . I applied for a correctional officer position a while back and had a call when I was on my father's tractor the other day asking me to come in for an interview. At first I didn't here the voice well because I was shutting the tractor down, when I responded to the question I said "yes sir" when it was a lady , but I corrected myself.