Does anyone live down the street from their parents?

[marlboro180]

Oh my, this might be a little long winded, but here goes.


My elderly friends are in bad shape right now, we have been friends for quite a few years , and they are dear to our hearts. I do things like take care of the house, make sure annual maintenance is done, fix this, repair that. Even step in when advise is needed on the healthcare front, or just listen to these sweet people chat about their younger years when they could, and did, do many great things.

Mrs. M gets called a lot for healthcare stuff, as that is her profession, and Baby M is their adopted grandaughter.

Mr. H got real bad this past month, and is losing it on all fronts, and will not be coming back home , ever, due to very serious health reasons. And Mrs. H , well, she probably will not be far behind, she and I discussed that just last night. It brought me to tears, knowing that she knows it , and is hurting pretty bad.

In prior discussions, Mrs. H and I had talked about what would happen to their home, which also is the home to one of their daughters, who likely will never live by herself, though she is 10 years my senior!!

My parents are looking to move out of their current home, and just love my neighborhood, and Mrs. H knew it, and asked the other evening if they might be interested in her house. Well, we toured it last night, my mother fell in love with it, and Dad likes it , and is smart enough to realize if his wife likes it, so does he!

Mom even has already drawn up plans for the updated gardens, decks, and patio, new kitchen layout, I mean fell in love with the home. There will also need to be some ramps put in, for Dad, but no biggie.

I am walking on eggshells right now, because I would really like for my folks to be our neighbors, but do not want to push the issue with my friends, even though they know the house will have to be sold, sooner rather than later. They are getting advise shoved down their throats from all sorts of family, and Mrs. H calls me or my wife over to make sense of it all, or just lend an ear. Hmmm, family sometimes

My folks said this morning that they do not have any interest at all in pushing the issue, lest it put strain on our friends, but are really interested in moving forward, at whatever pace might be agreeable to Mr. and Mrs . H.

There is a lot more to the dynamics going on, but much of it would be too complex, heck, I hardly get it....

Thing is, if you live near your parents as they age, ( mine are retired) do you get drawn into the end of life issues and get absorbed by it???

Does kind of thing happen to every family or is this atypical? I love my folks, heck , we even were business partners for a while and we survived that. But Mom can be a little bit much sometimes, and so can Dad, but for the most part we get along great.

Oh , my head is just spinning now, so I will just go ahead and post this .

Things to avoid, pitfalls of living close to parents? Good things that happen??? More fishing with Dad and Baby M?? More tractor talk? More time between Grandma and Baby M??


Anyone got any thoughts?

 

[BuzzStPoint]

Re: Does anyone live down the street from their parents?

Dealing with the property now will be easier with the other family then after bad times happen. That's when a lot of emotion will come in..

My suggestion is to have some coffee or invite the family that owns the house to lunch to discuss the home. But give them a heads up. Don't surprise them.
Oh, if the deal starts to go through. Never discuss your changing of the home to the old owners. That will remove memories of the home to the old owners.

It's a fine line of business and personal feelings. If you wait, you may get into a bidding war on an estate sale.

 

[aspeck]

Re: Does anyone live down the street from their parents?

I live within 500 yards of my mom, and it can be trying at times, but a blessing at others. Yes, you do get drawn into the "end of life" stuff, but it sounds like you are the kind of person who would be drawn in now matter what the distance was.

I do find that my wife and I have to do more of the "taking care of Mom" than my other brothers ... they are farther away, one 6 miles and the other 3 states over. As the memory fades and more and more care is required, it does get tedious at times. We find that even vacation time falls on us to take care of mom. However, with that said, she took care of me enough years, that you can get through it.

It sounds like you have had a good relationship with your parents over the years, so I would not stress over having them live down the street. You will be blessed to have close, and I am sure that little M will enjoy having her grandparents around. I know the littlest aspeck enjoys as much time as she can with Grammy, because at the age of 8 she already understands that Grammy won't recognize her in many more years.

 

[marlboro180]

Re: Does anyone live down the street from their parents?

Thanks guys, good points there.

Going to meet w/ my parents now at their place , to discuss how to proceed further.

 

[gstanton]

Re: Does anyone live down the street from their parents?

You won't regret helping your neighbors. You won't regret helping your own parents in any way you can in their final years.
You might regret sitting on your can and not helping either one.

 

[dbkerley]

Re: Does anyone live down the street from their parents?

Mother-in-law lives in the guest house and has since they sokd their lake house. Father-in-law discovered he had lung cancer shortly after they moved in and he lasted less than a year. Overall, I'd much rather have her across the yard than across town.

Stepdaughter and her husband withthe granddaughter moved up to within 15 miles and it is real convenient torun see them too. 15 miles is about the perfect distance for that too. Close enough to be convenient and far enough to not be constantly knocking on each other's door.

 

[marlboro180]

Re: Does anyone live down the street from their parents?

Okay, Mom and Dad are set on buying the house, and I think things may work out!

More to come....

 

[npd4432]

Re: Does anyone live down the street from their parents?

I built a home next door to my in-laws and at the time I thought I would regret doing so. 5 years later it was the best thing I did. My family is now much closer with my wifes family but on the other hand I own a lake house which is next door to my mothers home (my father passed 3 years ago) we also spend alot of time there and it is a very good situation between both as my children are age 2 and 3 and all get to see every member of both families without any bickering. It seems to be the best of both worlds and being close to all in my family means alot to me.

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: Does anyone live down the street from their parents?

you already are taking care of Mrs. H., it will just be a change in the people you are helping.

having the close, will be a big help, when the time comes when they really need help.

i had neighbors in their lates 70s to mid 80's. 3 years ago, we lost one of them, it took 2 1/2 years for the family to sell the home, because, on member would not lower the price to a realistic asking price. for 2 years they asked $150,000, it sold for $92,000. now is worth even less.

it sounds like Mrs. H and daughter are ready to go to a assisted living facility. this will eat up the profits from the house, so the others have nothing to fight over.

 

[eaglejim]

Re: Does anyone live down the street from their parents?

We have lived less than a half a mile from mrseagle's folks for the most part it was fine the last 7 years of mrseagle's Moms life we (mrseagle) went over every morning to make sure she took her meds and help with the doctors visits but it did cut into vacation time and when we did get away she was calling,mrseagle's Dad is in a little better shepe than his wife was she still goes over every morning

 

[rbh]

Re: Does anyone live down the street from their parents?

At least they will have their own home, you could have been in a position were you had to build a basement suite.

 

[marlboro180]

Re: Does anyone live down the street from their parents?

At least they will have their own home, you could have been in a position were you had to build a basement suite.

But I was thinking ahead for that scenario- I do not have a basement- floodproofed the new house !

Thanks for the good suggestions and scenarios folks. Talked with the folks quite a bit about the whole scene, and have come to the determination that while we will most likely become neighbors, we will set out some ways that we can be somewhat autonomous couples even though we are pretty good friends/ family.

It will be very likely that they will need help doing things at their future place, and I will be there to help them. We collectively think that this could be a win/ win/ win situation.

1)Relieve Mr and Mrs. H of a potential family squabble, by purchasing their house now, at a fair market rate, with the added expense of a realtor. Mom and Dad even offered to let them rent it until they are thoroughly ready to move. Probably within 3 months.
Also offered to help them in any way, including storing Mrs. H's stuff if need be after she moves out.

2) Mom and Dad get an awesome location, with lots of yard to play in, and now have decided to rent the rest of their current house (BIG fancy duplex)
which will give them some time to do some deferred maintenance there, as well as pay the costs of the new place.

3) Little M loves to be with my folks, and is excited at the prospect of being able to walk right over to Grandmas house. And Mrs. M and I might get a few more Date nights!!!!


SO, now to get the appraisal, and make the official offer. SOunds so simple, hey???