Domestic situations

[62_Kiwi]

I thought this subject (which comes up in various posts from time to time) might be worthy of a thread and a few laughs...<br /><br />I heard a good one the other day;<br /><br />He and She had reached the stage where they were no longer talking to each other and started using written notes.<br /><br />She found a note pinned to her pillow. "I have to be at the office early - wake me at seven."<br /><br />When he woke at 9:30, he found a note pinned to his pillow which said: "It's seven o'clock - wake up!"

 

[crab bait]

Re: Domestic situations

that's why i don't have a gun in the house

 

[62_Kiwi]

Re: Domestic situations

LOL Crab...<br /><br />A bloke on a caravan holiday in Far North Queensland ( yes in Australia )with his wife and mother-in-law was wakened one morning. His wife said that her mother had gone for a walk much earlier in the morning and hadn't returned.<br /><br />They searched along the river bank for a while before the wife let out a scream when she saw her mother paddling in the shallows, not far from a LARGE crocodile.<br /><br />"Oh my god," screamed the wife, "do something, QUICK!"<br /><br />The man considered the situation for a moment and said "That croc got himself into this trouble - let him get himself out of it!" <br /><br />(P.S. No crocodiles in NZ - only mother-in-law's...)

 

[crab bait]

Re: Domestic situations

that's funny.. poor ole' crock.... women are more careful drivers than men.. cause if they wreck ,,the newspapers will print their ages & a photo with their hair in curlers..

 

[crab bait]

Re: Domestic situations

some womens rules for men :: ::: remember men ,, girls are made of sugar , spice, & everything nice ,,,,, men are like hardwood floors,, lay them rite the first time & you can walk all over them forever,,,it's not size that counts,, it's .... no ,wait, size does count.... my sexual preferance is NO....... save your breath for your inflatable date...

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: Domestic situations

GRIEF<br />A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. <br /><br />The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you <br />have to die? Why did you have to die? Why, why did you have to die?" <br /><br />The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" <br /><br />The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied ... "My wife's first husband." <br /><br />Bob

 

[ebbtide176]

Re: Domestic situations

you guys are hilarious

 

[crab bait]

Re: Domestic situations

a man just witnesses 3 blondes leap to there deaths.. the man rushes to the spot & notices one blonde still breathin' so he asks ' why did you 3 beautiful blondes leap out the window ' ?? !! the remaining blonde answers in a weak voice " we just wanted to try out our new maxi-pads with wings

 

[62_Kiwi]

Re: Domestic situations

Husbands regard themselves as the head of the household and pedestrians know they have the right of way on the road.<br /><br />Both are quite safe - until they try to prove it...

 

[62_Kiwi]

Re: Domestic situations

Little Johnny was watching two lanky-legged spiders.<br />"Hey Dad," he said. "Is there such a thing as a Mummy Long-legs?"<br />"No, Son."<br />"I thought so," said the boy slaming his fist on the spiders. "Bloody que3rs."

 

[crab bait]

Re: Domestic situations

a man swims 4 miles to shore of an island after a ship wreck an crawls up on the beach of an island .. greeted by 6 men.. the first thing the out of the surviors mouth was ' man i just swam 4 miles ,, i'm horny as heck is there any women around.. no said the 6 men.. we have a barrell with a knot hole in it up on that hill .. it'll take care of you.. so up went the survior.. he comes back down ,, says 'MAN THAT WAS ALSOME ,, whats in that barrell ? you'll find out tuesday said the six men......so the next day the survior goes back up the hill for a nother crack at the barrell .. comes back down ... MAN O MAN WHATS IN THAT BARRELL !!?? .... you'll find out tuesday says the 6 men.... why do i have to wait untill tuesday ???? cause tuesdays it's your turn in the barrell.

 

[ffchstr]

Re: Domestic situations

Pretty good stuff!<br /><br />A guy is driving his brand new Corvette when a state trooper pulls in behind him with lights a flashin'. The guy decides to try and outrun him so he puts the gas pedal to the floor. After about a mile or so he realizes he can't outrun the police radio and pulls over. The trooper pulls in behind him, walks up to the Corvette and asks the guy why he tried to run. The guy in the Corvette replies "My wife ran off with a state trooper and I thought you were trying to bring her back." <br /><br />Dave