Re: Dumb Human Tricks
Re: Dumb Human Tricks
These are some of the dumbest things I've ever seen...keep in mind, the first four were done by a *licensed* charter boat captain (no, not me)<br /><br />1) Heading back to the marina one night after an afternoon charter, the uber-captain is drunk, along with the passengers. Blows through a no-wake zone and under a bridge at cruising speed. Clips a wooden marker designating the no-wake zone boundary on the other side. Cuts the marker off at the water line, and shears off a two-foot-wide section of the port side of his 25' Aquasport. Makes it to the marina 5 minutes later, and runs the boat onto the launch ramp to keep it from sinking. Customers gave him an extra $200 for making the trip "enjoyable".<br /><br />2) Same captain, new boat. This time, he's in a 25' Contender. He, a friend, and I are out at the tripod (which actually has five legs, not three...go figure) getting bait for his charter the next day. He's on the bow, I'm at the controls. Incoming tide, and we're facing toward shore. He gets the cast net stuck on the tripod, so I'm stuck holding the boat in position, stern facing the waves, for a good 8 minutes while he tries to free himself. Can't move anywhere, lest he lose the net. The back of the transom has a cut-out, so the twin-225 outboards can be raised up. Well, the waves are now coming into the boat. But nooo, heaven forbid I move the boat a little bit to stay afloat. By the time he gets the net free, I'm standing waist-deep in seawater, a good three miles from shore (between the bilge pumps, my friend bailing with a 5-gallon bucket, and me bailing with one hand while holding position with the other, we're barely able to stay afloat). To this day, I can't believe we made it back to shore, but, at least he didn't lose his net.
<br /><br />3) Same captain, different day. This time, he, his first mate and myself are in a 30' Luhrs running 15 miles offshore. He's up on the fly bridge driving, while the first mate and I are down below eating breakfast. *Thump* Boat comes to a stop. Hard aground on a sandbar fifteen miles offshore. Captain and I go over to see if the props are damaged (amazingly, no damage), and to try to figure out how to get off. Now, he's on a **** fly bridge. How could he NOT see the sandbar, let alone one this shallow (came up to my knees). At full throttle, a good 80% of the boat's length is hard aground on the sandbar. Weighs too much to rock it off, can't back it off, and too large a surface area to dig out. So, we killed four hours waiting for high tide. At high tide, two hours of digging was enough to get us off the sandbar.<br /><br />4) Fishing in a kingfish tournament with the genius captain. We've caught a few small kingfish, nothing worth weighing in. Hook another one. The water is emerald green, and crystal clear. About 30 feet to the bottom, and we can see all the way down. Flash in the water, and now we have only a kingfish head on the toher end of the line. So, the captain locks his feet around the rungs of the ladder leading up to the fly bridge, 5 foot gaff in hand, and the first mate starts bobbing the kingfish head up and down in the water. The captain is hanging off the side of the boat trying to free-gaff a barracuda.<br /><br />5) We had a no-name storm come through here a few years ago. Everyone went down to the marina to watch the surge come in. Well, someone eventually realizes that all the boats on the center dock (which is covered) still have their bimini tops up. I volunteer to go down the dock and lower all the bimini tops, and a friend goes with me. Simple enough, except for one problem: the surge is high enough that we are forced to swim down the dock. Now, I don't know about you, but getting into 40-some-odd boats from the water with no ladder isn't my idea of fun. We couldn't get into the boats normally, so we rigged a grappling hook. Tossed it over a cross-brace, scaled the rope boot-camp style, lowered the bimini, and swung over to the next boat. Release the grapple, and do it all over again. As if this isn't bad enough, when we finish up, we stopped to catch our breath. Look down into the water, and here's two sand sharks that seem to have lost their way and wound up in the marina. So much for swimming back. Leap-frogged from one boat to another all the way back.<br /><br />6) Dumbest thing I've ever seen also happened at this marina. They'd been working on this guy's boat for a good month. Every time they fixed something, they'd break two more things. Eventually, they think they have everything fixed. Dock it, and go home for the night. The next morning, everyone is complaining that the center dock smells like gas (uh-oh). Trace the smell back to his boat (not good). Somehow, the mechanic managed to rupture the fuel line and never realized it. Three inches of gasoline are now present in the bottom of the boat (this is getting worse). Now, how do you move a 28' boat across a marina and onto a trailer without an engine, and without making anything spark? With a wooden pole, of course. Four hours and three shifts later, the boat is at the launch ramp. Now, getting a boat that size onto a trailer is no picnic to begin with, but it's doable. Now, doing it without an engine is even more fun.<br /><br />7) Same, mechanic more stupid acts. He's working on a motor, and sets a screwdriver on top of a spinning flywheel. Screwdriver goes flying off, and winds up embedding itself in another boat. Needless to say, the mechanic was fired two days later =)<br /><br />8) One of the workers is trailering a boat to do some touch-up work to it. He gets the boat onto the trailer, and puts the truck in gear. Except, it wasn't the gear he wanted. He puts in Neutral, and goes sliding backward. Boat is floating, the trailer is angled down, and the truck is resting on the bottom.<br /><br />9) One of the salesmen is taking a potential customer out on a trial run of a pre-owned boat that the mechanics had done some work on. They get out into the channel, open the throttle, and the outboard goes roaring off, leaving the boat sitting there. Apparently the mechanics hadn't fully secured the outboard.<br /><br />10) The funniest thing I've ever seen happened a few weeks ago. Saw an inboard become an outboard. I don't know what happened, but the back of the boat literally exploded.<br /><br />11) As for my own dumbest thing ever, I'd say this qualifies as all-out brainless. We'd been out fishing all day, and as we were making our way back to the marina, we hit a section of beach with the most incredible looking water I've ever seen. Crystal clear, all the way down. We're hot, so we decide to go swimming. Stayed in for about half an hour. As we're getting out, I decide to make one dive down to the bottom to see if I can find anything interesting. Hovering a few feet off the floor. Look left, see a shark. Look right, see two sharks. Look behind me, see another shark. All were about 300 yards off. Made it to the surface and out of the water in record time Got a good look at them once I was out of the water. All hammerheads, ranging from 10 to 20 feet (near as we could tell).
Re: Dumb Human Tricks
These are some of the dumbest things I've ever seen...keep in mind, the first four were done by a *licensed* charter boat captain (no, not me)<br /><br />1) Heading back to the marina one night after an afternoon charter, the uber-captain is drunk, along with the passengers. Blows through a no-wake zone and under a bridge at cruising speed. Clips a wooden marker designating the no-wake zone boundary on the other side. Cuts the marker off at the water line, and shears off a two-foot-wide section of the port side of his 25' Aquasport. Makes it to the marina 5 minutes later, and runs the boat onto the launch ramp to keep it from sinking. Customers gave him an extra $200 for making the trip "enjoyable".<br /><br />2) Same captain, new boat. This time, he's in a 25' Contender. He, a friend, and I are out at the tripod (which actually has five legs, not three...go figure) getting bait for his charter the next day. He's on the bow, I'm at the controls. Incoming tide, and we're facing toward shore. He gets the cast net stuck on the tripod, so I'm stuck holding the boat in position, stern facing the waves, for a good 8 minutes while he tries to free himself. Can't move anywhere, lest he lose the net. The back of the transom has a cut-out, so the twin-225 outboards can be raised up. Well, the waves are now coming into the boat. But nooo, heaven forbid I move the boat a little bit to stay afloat. By the time he gets the net free, I'm standing waist-deep in seawater, a good three miles from shore (between the bilge pumps, my friend bailing with a 5-gallon bucket, and me bailing with one hand while holding position with the other, we're barely able to stay afloat). To this day, I can't believe we made it back to shore, but, at least he didn't lose his net.
<br /><br />3) Same captain, different day. This time, he, his first mate and myself are in a 30' Luhrs running 15 miles offshore. He's up on the fly bridge driving, while the first mate and I are down below eating breakfast. *Thump* Boat comes to a stop. Hard aground on a sandbar fifteen miles offshore. Captain and I go over to see if the props are damaged (amazingly, no damage), and to try to figure out how to get off. Now, he's on a **** fly bridge. How could he NOT see the sandbar, let alone one this shallow (came up to my knees). At full throttle, a good 80% of the boat's length is hard aground on the sandbar. Weighs too much to rock it off, can't back it off, and too large a surface area to dig out. So, we killed four hours waiting for high tide. At high tide, two hours of digging was enough to get us off the sandbar.<br /><br />4) Fishing in a kingfish tournament with the genius captain. We've caught a few small kingfish, nothing worth weighing in. Hook another one. The water is emerald green, and crystal clear. About 30 feet to the bottom, and we can see all the way down. Flash in the water, and now we have only a kingfish head on the toher end of the line. So, the captain locks his feet around the rungs of the ladder leading up to the fly bridge, 5 foot gaff in hand, and the first mate starts bobbing the kingfish head up and down in the water. The captain is hanging off the side of the boat trying to free-gaff a barracuda.<br /><br />5) We had a no-name storm come through here a few years ago. Everyone went down to the marina to watch the surge come in. Well, someone eventually realizes that all the boats on the center dock (which is covered) still have their bimini tops up. I volunteer to go down the dock and lower all the bimini tops, and a friend goes with me. Simple enough, except for one problem: the surge is high enough that we are forced to swim down the dock. Now, I don't know about you, but getting into 40-some-odd boats from the water with no ladder isn't my idea of fun. We couldn't get into the boats normally, so we rigged a grappling hook. Tossed it over a cross-brace, scaled the rope boot-camp style, lowered the bimini, and swung over to the next boat. Release the grapple, and do it all over again. As if this isn't bad enough, when we finish up, we stopped to catch our breath. Look down into the water, and here's two sand sharks that seem to have lost their way and wound up in the marina. So much for swimming back. Leap-frogged from one boat to another all the way back.<br /><br />6) Dumbest thing I've ever seen also happened at this marina. They'd been working on this guy's boat for a good month. Every time they fixed something, they'd break two more things. Eventually, they think they have everything fixed. Dock it, and go home for the night. The next morning, everyone is complaining that the center dock smells like gas (uh-oh). Trace the smell back to his boat (not good). Somehow, the mechanic managed to rupture the fuel line and never realized it. Three inches of gasoline are now present in the bottom of the boat (this is getting worse). Now, how do you move a 28' boat across a marina and onto a trailer without an engine, and without making anything spark? With a wooden pole, of course. Four hours and three shifts later, the boat is at the launch ramp. Now, getting a boat that size onto a trailer is no picnic to begin with, but it's doable. Now, doing it without an engine is even more fun.<br /><br />7) Same, mechanic more stupid acts. He's working on a motor, and sets a screwdriver on top of a spinning flywheel. Screwdriver goes flying off, and winds up embedding itself in another boat. Needless to say, the mechanic was fired two days later =)<br /><br />8) One of the workers is trailering a boat to do some touch-up work to it. He gets the boat onto the trailer, and puts the truck in gear. Except, it wasn't the gear he wanted. He puts in Neutral, and goes sliding backward. Boat is floating, the trailer is angled down, and the truck is resting on the bottom.<br /><br />9) One of the salesmen is taking a potential customer out on a trial run of a pre-owned boat that the mechanics had done some work on. They get out into the channel, open the throttle, and the outboard goes roaring off, leaving the boat sitting there. Apparently the mechanics hadn't fully secured the outboard.<br /><br />10) The funniest thing I've ever seen happened a few weeks ago. Saw an inboard become an outboard. I don't know what happened, but the back of the boat literally exploded.<br /><br />11) As for my own dumbest thing ever, I'd say this qualifies as all-out brainless. We'd been out fishing all day, and as we were making our way back to the marina, we hit a section of beach with the most incredible looking water I've ever seen. Crystal clear, all the way down. We're hot, so we decide to go swimming. Stayed in for about half an hour. As we're getting out, I decide to make one dive down to the bottom to see if I can find anything interesting. Hovering a few feet off the floor. Look left, see a shark. Look right, see two sharks. Look behind me, see another shark. All were about 300 yards off. Made it to the surface and out of the water in record time Got a good look at them once I was out of the water. All hammerheads, ranging from 10 to 20 feet (near as we could tell).
