fishing causing the silent treatment

[great gricey]

I got married a year ago. I inherited a boat two years ago and spent last year planning the wedding and fixing the boat. Now, in my first year of marriage and owning my own boat I am getting mixed feelings from the wife. Sometimes she says, "the lake is nice - go fishing" but then she makes some snide remarks after the fact. I took her out earlier in the year but she did not like the boat, "It's too small, I don't like being this far out." I dont want to upset her but I do love to fish. I work with children as part of my career and I live with my wife. I like to take my buddies out fishing to get some "guy time" but still, I have to live with my wife. I literally would fish every day (if the lake was calm). What do I do? I am asking this to the guys who have successfully blended their lives with being married and having fishing as a pasttime.

 

[KurtG]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

Get a little bigger boat and take her out, not the guys. Seriously. You might have to mix in some cruising with the fishing, but it works to have the SO on board. As the saying goes, if she's not happy, you won't be either.

I kind of like it when the wife makes lunch for "my fishing trip" and I wouldn't rather be with anyone else. Not fair when she outfishes me though as I never hear the end of it and have to blame it on dealing with busines end of everyones lines rather than getting time myself.

 

[cgd7777777]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

well bud they all aren't keepers!! some you just have to throw back
but seriously, let her plan a day out on the water let her pick where to fish maybe dont fish all day go swimming pack her favorite food and drink
don't make the whole day work alot of woman see fishing as work
have contest who can catch the smallest fish etc.
take her to an outdoor store and buy her her own gear or clothes
Your still newlyweds give her some time

my wife is my best friend there is nobody i would rather take out on the boat but her

 

[lowkee]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

Call me a hard-***, but one of two things lead to this.. either your wife needs to face the facts that the man she willingly married likes to fish a lot and stop whining about it or you never told her how much you liked fishing and she is shell shocked by it now.

If she encourages you to go fishing, then snips about it afterwards, she needs to stop being selfish and grow up, plain and simple. I am Mr Hobby in my household, and I can always keep myself well entertained. My wife, on the other hand, has only one pasttime (not even a hobby), so she is seemingly more 'needy'. The answer for this is to find her a hobby, either sharing yours with you or one of her own. If there is anything I could pass on about marriage is they can't work if you are always working to make the other one happy. If you and your wife can't make yourselves happy separately, and preferrably share the experience with each other, you will crash and burn sooner or later (just depends on your fortitude how long before it ends).

Sorry if I sound like a humbugger, but marriage is sharing experiences, not losing your identity. Time to help your wife rediscover her identity, either through actively sharing your hobbies or getting her own.

 

[jakebrake]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

try fishing from the bank of a pond loaded with bluegills. catching, will be more fun than "fishing". get her started. who knows?

if all goes as planned, good luck getting your equipment back.

if not, you thought tried.

 

[skargo]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

Man, I hope you guys work it out, but I have to tell you, after 14 years of marriage and 18 years of being with my wife we are not experiencing anything like that.
If my wife doesn't like something I do, she cuts to the chase and tells me, as I do to her.

Honesty is the key.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

You don't say what kind of boat you have. Take her with you when you go. Take some pleasure cruises without the fishing poles, picnic, lounge around when anchored and communicate. Other times go out with the buddies and fish all you want.
Don't make her a boat widow.

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

gosh i know the feeling, when i was married, i would ask her opinion, 3 or 4 times, answer i don't care. i would make a decision, and would hear about it for the next 6 months. after 13 year of it, i had, had enough. been happily single since 1980.

 

[jonesg]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

Well in the end, its not about having common interests, its about common values .
Interdependance makes for good relationships.

If you retaliate with your own snipping, its all over, its better to not walk on eggshells, get it on the table and have it out. Wear the pants.

She does sound a mite immature but you haven't been married too long.
Converesly, maturing can also mean you don't need other guys or guy time if you're secure in yourself.

She wants you to be the boss, so get a bigger boat dammit.

 

[tallcanadian]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

Did you write that song for Brad Paisley, 'I'm Gonna Miss Her'.? She must have know this before you got married. Sounds you got the wrong end of the deal. Hope it works out, but I definetely would not stop fishing or boating. Just my two cents worth. Women come and go, but fishing and boating are forever!!! LOL.

 

[FBPirate95]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

I can say you honestly might be in trouble. You never said how long you have been together, but I am a believer that deep down in your heart you know if you guys are going to work out.

My first marriage was full of a needy spouse who never brought anything to the table. I knew I shouldn't marry her, but I still did. Why? I honestly don't know, but I did. The marriage was full of her complaining that I did this or that. ALL of my friends and family had absolutely no respect for her.

My wife now is great! She loves to fish and gives me plenty of competition when we fish and plenty of ribbing if she out fishes me. As for the boat itself, there's mixed emotions. I've been working on it a lot lately and it always seems I'm asking for money (she takes care of the finances) or that I'm spending a lot of time in the driveway with the boat. So at times there can be some resentment. But we work through it. Its definately a give and take partnership.

My recommendation would to be sit down with her and find out what she doesn't like about you taking the time to fish or go out on the boat. Then come to some sort of agreement of what would be acceptable. GOOD LUCK!

 

[Tubingluvr]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

So many young couples seem to think they need to do EVERYTHING together.
My wife and I have been happily married for 24 years because we both do what we enjoy with our own friends....sometimes it includes the spouse sometimes it doesn't.
I have had a passion for the water ever since I can remember.
I was married 15 years before I could afford a boat (raising 6 kids is expensive)
The first year it was pretty much me and the kids out on the water, but since then she has become as addicted as me.
She wants a cruiser so we can hit the Great Lakes when finances allow (2years)

 

[scipper77]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

BWAAAAHAAAHAA, you mean you don't even have children yet and your going through this?? This is nothing compared to whats to come if you ever have children. My wife hates when I go fishing because I leave her at home with a 2 year old and a 7 month old but she knows I love to fish so she has "let" me go 3 or 4 times this summer. Because I don't want to get banned from fishing I watch the kids the rest of the day no matter how tired I get from my trip and she gets to do whatever she wants.

I think that the bottom line is that your wife/marriage should be more important to you than fishing and she is subconsciously testing that. As long as you put her first you can fish, just not as much as you want. If you put fishing first your fishing will become a problem and justifiably so in my opinion. I don't believe in divorce (at least not over petty bickering) so I will spare you the she's not the one for you line.

 

[tallcanadian]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

I'm no expert by any means, and it's taken me a few times to get it right, but, I believe that marriage is give and take. However, I don't like it when I hear from fellas about not being 'allowed' to go. There should be no issue if you want to go fishing now and then and with your buddies. You can go other times with your wife. I have no issue when I want to go fishing. And my wife has no issue when she wants to do her thing. All kidding aside, I hope this works out for you. Marriage is about compromise. If she gives grief everytime you go out, well then, like I said in my earlier post...''I'm gonna miss you.....''

 

[mscher]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

Silent treatment?

This is not about the boat or fishing. This is about control and boundries.

I was there in our first few years of marriage.

Now, she WANTS me to go away! Can do!

You have to right to have fun elsewhere, within reason. So does the Missy. Work it out.

 

[fishrdan]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

My better half complained once about my fishing obsession and I told her I could be doing other things; bars, hookers, gambling...

That was the last I heard about fishing not being a good thing

 

[RoyR]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

She must have other interests/hobbies that she can do while you go fishing....I go flying, my wife goes horse riding. She won't even look at the instrument panel of a small plane. I can't talk about it either

 

[ezmobee]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

BWAAAAHAAAHAA, you mean you don't even have children yet and your going through this?? This is nothing compared to whats to come if you ever have children. My wife hates when I go fishing because I leave her at home with a 2 year old and a 7 month old but she knows I love to fish so she has "let" me go 3 or 4 times this summer. Because I don't want to get banned from fishing I watch the kids the rest of the day no matter how tired I get from my trip and she gets to do whatever she wants.

The man speaks the truth here......my wife had no issues with the boat and actually seemed to enjoy it before we had our son (he's now 2). Since he was born she's had no interest. She pretends like it doesn't bother her when I go out an do stuff on my own but I know it does. I had to have a serious discussion with her recently about the boat. I asked her to answer me honestly if she would have more interest in the boat when my son is older because if she isn't then I'm going to sell it. Having it sitting there and not being able to use it is much worse than not having one at all. She assured me she will and that I shouldn't sell the boat. I just can't wait till my son gets older and can just come and enjoy all my hobbies with me. Fortunately boating, fishing, and O gauge model trains are about as kid-friendly hobbies as you can get. I've told her than when he gets older we're never going to be home so she better get used to going boating or she'll be sitting around by herself.

 

[tomdinwv]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

I'm a lucky man! If I even mention the boat my wife is in the truck and ready to go before I am! She loves to go camping and will do most of the chores (cooking, cleaning up, setting up camp etc...). When it comes to fishing, she has more patience than I do! She will set there all day and all night and don't care if the fish are biting or not. Only one catch to fishing, she won't touch a worm or a fish so I have to bait her hook and take off the fish. LOL. I can live with that. After reading some of the posts on here about wives that have no interest in doing the things their husbands love to do, it just confirms how lucky I am!

 

[great gricey]

Re: fishing causing the silent treatment

Thanks for the advice guys. My wife and I have been together for seven years now and everything is great. The only problem is that sometimes I thinks she gets upset when I go fishing. She doesn't say anything specific but I can tell in her voice and subliminal comments that it kind of bothers her. She is great and we get along better than most couples that we know - we joke and laugh with and at eachother all of the time. She has actually told me to buy a bigger boat so she can be more comfortable! She said that she would like to go out and get some rays while I am fishing. Sounds good to me.