Re: Had a widowed buddy over w/ his 3 young kids, I'm thinkin time to get a real job?
A true friend; you are both blessed to have each other.
The kids have gone through enough; they need their father around. That's number one - preservation of life. The clothes are a very distant second.
He?s obviously gone through it with losing his wife; and three young kids cannot be decreasing his stress and anxiety levels.
I'm with Bubba on the depression bit; that's best left for professionals. Depression can result in tragic events, and there are usually warning signs (frequency, amount, and reason for alcohol use; lack of ?starch,? etc.).
As is often the case, however, it generally isn't feasible for you to walk up to him, tell him to get professional help, and expect a positive outcome.
You?ll probably have to gently figure out what his barriers (if any) are to getting help, and getting him to appreciate that what he thinks about professional help might not align with the reality.
In this case, his getting help is probably a normal response to an abnormal event.
He needs you as a friend, and he needs someone trained to handle what he's gone through. I don't know the dynamics of your particular relationship, but maybe it would be helpful (or at least not harmful) if you have someone that could take the kids shopping or on a day trip while you guys spend some time "away" from life as it is. Everybody handles things differently, and you might be surprised at what comes out when the rest of his world (the children) isn?t watching. In that respect, I'll pass along the best advice I've ever heard for that type of situation - you have two ears and one mouth; use them in that ratio.
All that said, I cannot overstate the need for him to get help if he is depressed.
I agonized over whether I should say the next bit, but I will since I think it may be helpful: I once sat basically idle and watched a friend self-destruct; and vowed never again. When it?s all said and done it?s hard to forgive yourself if you think you could have done something to change that outcome. I?m big on not getting myself into the affairs of others, but this type of stuff I make exceptions for. The next time I was involved in a similar situation, I asked permission to do the legwork (that was this friend?s barrier), cleared my calendar, played driver for the day, sat in the waiting room, went out to lunch afterwards, and took him for a boat ride. I got a few choice words during the car ride over (half jokingly), but after it was all said and done he realized that it was easy, painless, and made him feel a whole lot better. After the first time going he realized it was nothing like he thought and worked through his issue with his counselor.
As far as the secondary issue, the kids will need clothes at some point. If you are concerned with the charity causing a rift, do it anonymously. You might have to get creative, but how you do it really depends on what exactly you're trying to avoid.
In any event, I hope your friend, his three kids, and others who have posted about the loss of a loved one experience true healing.
), had a blast, and my son's job was to start emptying his room of toys for them - went great and geez the 7 yr old girl got some almost brand new flippers(son out grew in 6 months!) and the boys plenty of army men, etc. we split the food bill, I made sure I only had Bud lite and a few wine coolers, food was fantastic(ribs, sausages, burgers, dogs and all the extras) and he just had a FEW (2-3) drinks, i think the change was, he brought his girlfriend with them 
