House is home forever..... or is it?

Mark42

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As a kid, my parents went through a few houses by the time I was 11 or so. They have lived in that last house since 1969. It will be a sad day for me and my siblings when they sell and move to a retirement home.

I went through a few houses before the one I live in now. I was fortunate enough to be able to have my current house custom built. I found a builder who did typical colonial houses, and gave him plans for my house. An architect approved the plans, and the house was built. I cut a lot of corners to afford the house, such as sheet vinyl on the kitchen and other floors, carpet everywhere else. Low cost bath fixtures and lighting fixtures throughout. Before the sheet rock went up, I was in the house running cat-5 cable and extra electric circuits and modifying the existing ones after the builder went home, hoping no one would notice, because I couldn't afford the estimates on what I wanted. (if they did notice, they didn't say). This was in 1992. I figured I could upgrade all the cheap stuff later..... (turns out much later.... LOL!)

I still live in that same center hall colonial today. Bathrooms have been made over, even removing the floor tile, counters, sinks, toilet, everything but the tub (which was an area that $$$/quality was specified).

The house has slowly evolved, now all the carpet has been replaced with hard wood flooring on the 1st floor, all vinyl sheet floor is now high grade tile, cheap bath fixtures are now high end products, the basement is finished off and the yard has trees.

My oldest was 6 (now 20) when I married his mother in 1998, and since we had two more children now 7 and 11. This weekend I finished the hard wood floor install on the 1st floor. Jamie helped me move all the furniture and piano back where it belonged before running back to college. Couldn't have done it without his help. He commented how much the house changed since he was a kid. Nice to hear.

Enough of the back ground, now the point of the post....

My 11 year old daughter was watching TV with me and after a real-estate ad played, she asked "why would you ever sell this house, Papi?". I said if work ever moved, or I lost my job, or some other less likely events happened, I would have to sell and buy a less expensive place to live.

She thought about it, and said "You and Mom will always live here." as if that was the end of the conversation. Enough said, I am not ever to sell the house. LOL!

Got me to thinking.... The two youngest have lived in this house their entire life (unlike my childhood) and the oldest has lived here about 2/3rds of his life. They watched project after project change the house. Amber even remembers helping paint walls and helping lay floor tiles even though she was only 5 or 6 at the time. She even knows where she painted and can point out the exact walls if you ask (and she is correct).

I wonder how they will be affected when wife and me decide to move to lower cost living. The kids will be older and in or post college. I just wonder if living in the same home all these years will shake their foundations when Mom and I move.

Can you relate? Have you gone through this scenario already?

Mark.
 

avenger79

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

funny how different people's lives can be. I went to 17 different schools growing up. I can't even fathom sitting still for too long. yet when my kids started school I wanted them to have stability. i managed to stay put long enough for the youngest to graduate high school. now days I finally own a home. been here 4 years. my youngest wants to try his hand at moving to California and yada yada you know. I told him when he goes, if there is anything in the house he hopes to keep he should take it with as I feel the wanderlust building up again. considering the number of possessions I have recently liquidated in order to lower my towing capacity and the fact that my drag up money is getting full. I may be leaving the same time he is, who knows.
 

lncoop

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

I was raised by a preacher and teacher. I only had two childhood homes, which at the time was extremely rare for PKs. I have fond memories of both towns/homes. The admiral is also a PK/TK. (In case you're wondering, yes it's true what they say about PKs:eek::D:facepalm:, but I digress). She was moved constantly as a child and as a result has issues with moving to this day. I moved her kicking and screaming out of a little bungalow with no covered parking, no insulation, one bathroom, etc. into a 2k SF ranch nine years ago. Not a day goes by that she doesn't thank me for that. I've slowly been helping to clean out my father's parents' house over the last year. They've both gone on to their ample rewards in recent years. That's the house that holds the most memories for me I think, I guess because they never lived anywhere else. Think the admiral misses them as much as I do. The house holds many memories for her too.
 

tommays

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

I am more attached to my community than the actual house because we moved so many times when i was young and hated it
 

Mark42

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

I will be a sad day when my folks sell their house. I hope they chose to "retire" to their smaller home near the shore. That is the "beach house" my kids and my siblings kids love (OK, I really want it). But it is probably way out of my price range, even if we divide ownership amongst the siblings, it would still be a hardship to pay taxes, lawn service, heat, AC, etc.... just to use a few weeks a year. Plus my folks may need the equity in that house to pay for late life care. Who knows what will happen?

Life is as life happens.
 

CN Spots

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

Mark, would renting that house be an option? I notice more and more people doing that these days.

My Grandparent's house was built from trees cut from my Great Grandparent's woods. Everything was built by them. She never said anything about it but I could tell it tore my mother up inside to sell the homestead. It was too far away from the world for anyone in the family to make a living there so she had to sell it. We were all thankful when we saw that the new owners had fixed the place up and made it look like something out of a Country Living magazine.

Man, I miss the smell of that place.
 

hostage

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

My parents moved to my childhood house when I was a few months old. They were there until I was about 24. One day they told me they were busy closing on a house, then I asked them why. To my surprise they told me, since they were selling the old one. They forgo to tell me they were selling it. :-( A lot of memories were sold with that house. They always talked about selling and building one, but they never did till then. It is sad to think about, but they just built a new house that is about 10 times cooler. This house has a lot less gardens so my mom is also less likely to say, "help me with this".

In all it is sad to see that house sell with all those memories. One good cure is to get a better one :p
 

aspeck

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

It was a tough decision to sell our "family house." I had acquired it after Dad passed, and my wife was never really comfortable in that house ... any changes we wanted to make, Mom would hear about and question why. Everything was good quality she and dad put in the house, but after 45 years, it was time for some updating!

It was never "our house" it was always "my house" or "my families house". So, we sold it much to my one brother and his wife's dismay (but they didn't want to buy it, and I don't think my SIL has forgiven me yet). We build "Our House" and now my youngest has informed me that I am never allowed to sell the house ...
 

ezmobee

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

I grew up about half in one house half in another. The first was a typical 4 bedroom 2.5 bath aluminum siding deal in a development. When I was in junior high my parents custom built a beautiful brick center hall colonial in a new wooded custom home neighborhood. We were the second house built there. All the other houses built there kept getting bigger and bigger and it ended up being one of the premier neighborhoods in the area. About the time I got out of college they sold that house (for a very nice profit) and built another house (ranch) in a smaller neighborhood. I've never lived in that one. My dad plans to live out his days there. I live in the same area and would KILL for that second house, the brick colonial. It was beautiful and on a very nice lot. Unfortunately I will never be able to afford it. I am also not particularly interested in being house poor like my parents were when we lived there.

I live in a decent 4br/2.5ba house in a development now. When we built it I thought I'd live there forever, but I've since realized it's less than ideal. It's not very well built, the neighborhood is a little further out of the way than I'd like to be, and our lot is very sloped. The pluses are we don't have to even sorta worry about water issues, and no one can build behind us. If the market were normal I'd like to sell it and buy something similar but that has already had a lot of upgrades done to it. Unfortunately with the way the market is, I wouldn't be able to get out from under it. It's ok though, I'm not needing to go anywhere.
 

Woodnaut

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

We've lived in the same house for 20 years. Like you we built the floorplan that we wanted and were eventually able make the upgrades ourselves over the years. My daughter is 21 now and she loves our house - along with Mom and Dad. Even though the house has been great, the memories we have as a family are what really count. And we have some great ones. ;)
 

dingbat

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

Funny, this came up. We're about 2 weeks away from putting our home of the past 22 years on the market and moving to my wife's childhood home next door.

My in-laws have a home on 33 acres of land. Years back they sub-divided off three, one acre lots for the kids. All three kids built homes on the land and stayed here for the past 22 years.

The in-laws have decided that the house and property is too much for them to take care of and offered us the property. We only planed to stay in the area another 10 years before moving to the Ocean, but the oppurtunity to buy such a large parcel of land in this neighborhood at the "family" price made us reconsider our plans. Looks like I'm going to runa horse farm for the next 10 years.

Moving from a ?smaller? house next door to the big house on the hill is exciting. The kids (17 & 15) don't care. We're moving to grandma and grandpa's house and taking over the pool, the pond and the 30 acres of ground they grew up on. Having someone from outside the family living in our old home next door is going to be the weird part.
 

dockwrecker

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

My mother is 81 years old and suffered a stroke last July. Fortunately she's recovered as well as you could hope for someone her age. She's lived in the home I grew up in most of my life for 46 years. It's 3500 sq. ft, two story on a wooded 1/4 acre lot. She loves the house and gardening but it's become too much for her to keep up with. We worry about her going up and down stairs and the yard is heavily sloped and contoured. We'd love to put her in a single level condo and sell the place, but like her mother did, she wants to live out her years there. She's as stubborn as it gets, won't ask for help but now we feel that the house is going to overtake her abilities or she'll fall somewhere and it's time to move on. All of the family loves the house, but now it's 60 years old and in need of most everything. But for now, we're respecting her wishes and trying to keep her from overdoing it.
 
D

DJ

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

One thing is for sure today.

NOTHING is forever.

If you cannot adapt/move, you will be subject to what you get.

Sad but oh so true.
 

mscher

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

These types of living situations, can end being more of a liabilty than an asset.

We have lucked out so far with my Grandmother and Mother.

Grandma lived on the beuatiful little house Grandpa built (every last nail), for many years, after Grandpa died. We figured she would want to stay ther until the end, dealing with all of the problems of the aged lviing alone. One day she decided whe wanted to sell the house and move to a retirement community, where you can get houskeeping and other assistance, as needed. A bit sad to see the house go, but everybody was happy in the end and we still have our memories. She lived at the retirement home, 5 more years dying at 100 years old.

After my Dad died and later my stepDad (elderly) died in the home I lived in though high school, Mom decided to sell it and buy a smaller house, with her third husband (longevity gene ;) ). She said she/they will go to a retirement/nursing home when it is time.

In the end, it's just a house. The memories are what they are. It's more important that elders are safe and well cared for.
 

dockwrecker

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Re: House is home forever..... or is it?

These types of living situations, can end being more of a liabilty than an asset.

We have lucked out so far with my Grandmother and Mother.

Grandma lived on the beuatiful little house Grandpa built (every last nail), for many years, after Grandpa died. We figured she would want to stay ther until the end, dealing with all of the problems of the aged lviing alone. One day she decided whe wanted to sell the house and move to a retirement community, where you can get houskeeping and other assistance, as needed. A bit sad to see the house go, but everybody was happy in the end and we still have our memories. She lived at the retirement home, 5 more years dying at 100 years old.

After my Dad died and later my stepDad (elderly) died in the home I lived in though high school, Mom decided to sell it and buy a smaller house, with her third husband (longevity gene ;) ). She said she/they will go to a retirement/nursing home when it is time.

In the end, it's just a house. The memories are what they are. It's more important that elders are safe and well cared for.

It's a tough deal for sure, worse than finally taking the car keys but in the end, just as important. They've worked all their lives for what they've had and the loss of independence is always a negative health wise. But there's a time and a place, no one said it's ever easy.
 
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