How to say it?

[snapperbait]

I'm a "regular", using an a false name here, because the wrong person might see this and get the wrong impression.<br /><br />It seems that as of late my best friend in the entire world has the idea that his wife and child are invited to go fishing with us every time we go. Not so. I feel that I make it very clear when I invite him that "we" means "he and I", and not the "crew".<br /><br />I have a small boat that can handle four people, but four people cannot fish from this boat, and it is quite obvious to me and my bud. If circumstances were different(bigger boat), this would not be a problem. Yet every time, he brings the family along even though I did not invite them. The entire family just shows up at the dock when it's time to go.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong, I love his family just as I do my own, but sometimes the whole "gang" gets to be too much. Mom yelling at the kid, and so on. <br /><br />I go fishing to relax and to find some peace <br />and quiet to reduce the stresses, not to untangle fishing lines and keeping an eye on what the kid's doing (likes to play with the wrong things). I don't even care if I get skunked (no fish). Lately, after a fishing trip, I come home more stressed out than I was when I left.<br /><br />I'm rambiling. The question is, How do I tell my best friend in the entire world that the whole family is not invited when we (he and I) go out fishing, without giving the wrong impression?

 

[ob]

Re: How to say it?

You just did it.Reitterate to him in the exact same manner as you did to us and I'm quite certain that your best friend will understand.Getting his wife to understand may be a whole new issue. <br /><br />Now you can tell us who you really are.We don't bite very hard.

 

[golfer]

Re: How to say it?

That is quite a situation...Boats are way too expensive, and usually too short of a season to take on "guests" that make you unhappy. When I take my boat out, it is with whom I want, when I want, how I want. A captain's right....Just tell your buddy the truth.

 

[NOSLEEP]

Re: How to say it?

Hes a fisherman. He can take it. you said he was<br />your Friend. So its not a big deal!<br />Then you will be glad you did.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: How to say it?

Wet Willie, <br /><br />Bad situation to be in, been there and done that.<br /><br />Your friend made the commitment to marry his wife and have children, so his main priority is the happiness and welfare of his family. So he is going to do what it takes to make his side happy without regards to your thoughts and feelings. I respect men who regard their family before friendship. I know that sounds sorta harsh, but it is the family that keeps this nation in check.<br /><br />I would talk to him telling him that I don't want to cause any grief, but lay everything out to him. Make suggestions on having certain days set aside to take the whole family, and cetain days where it is just him. Or you can suggest to him that since his family likes boating, maybe he should consider getting a boat big enough to accomodate everyone.<br /><br />It is going to be hard to keep smelling like a rose when obstacles like this happen. Just reassure him that you do not want to cause problems between him and his family, but let him know the fun is gone when everyone is aboard. Being the captain and in charge of everyones saftey can be taxing on your mind when there are more lives aboard your boat. I know it makes me uptight when I have more on my boat than what I feel comfortable with. It does take the fun and relaxation out of it.<br /><br />Good Luck Wet Willie..........SS

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: How to say it?

WW, I had a situation like that once and it also involved a very close friend.<br /><br />Everytime we would plan a trip, his sons would show up.<br /><br />This went on for 2 seasons and the third season as it started, I had a talk with him and told him that I planned these trips for him and I and not the boys, and if he didn't care to leave them home.<br /><br />These boys were not small children, they were at the time, 14 and 16, so it wasn't like they could not stay home by themselves.<br /><br />He understood after putting himself in my position and concurred that it would be best.<br /><br />If your friend is a true friend, he will understand.<br /><br />Good luck.

 

[Fishbusters]

Re: How to say it?

I would tell the friend about the same way you told us. I had a simmilar problem but it was more a third party finding out about the trip then showing up with my buddy. He was not the best person to fish with and usually prefered to get drunk that do any serious fishing. My buddy and I had a talk about it and the reasons I liked to fish with just him. He was relieved because he was feeling somewhat the same but since it was easier than trying to leave his brother-in-law home he brought him. Needless to say our next fishing trip was just the two of us and one of the best we have had in a while.

 

[Ross J]

Re: How to say it?

Sit your friend down and explain to him that his friendship on the fishing trips is very important to you. He'll most likely understand and may even feel relieved once you point it out. Likely he's got an idea that you're not entirely happy with the situation and just needs a nudge in the right direction.<br />He should respect your wishes and leave his partner and kids behind next time.<br /><br />I too have a relative that insists on bringing her 2 yr old with her. Not any more she doesn't!! Mind you it took a bit more than a talk to get the point through.<br />Ross

 

[neumanns]

Re: How to say it?

ww...bad situation here but must not be left as is, if you do not deal with it you will eventually wind up not wanting to fish with your best friend and this would be far worse scenerio than any thing that could happen by telling him.<br /><br />Bottom line,any way you handle it the outcome would be better than not handeling it. My only advice would be tell him and let him handle her how he chooses. Good Luck.

 

[marcmccain]

Re: How to say it?

Lot's of good advice already given... I agree that you should talk to your friend and ask him to come without his family. <br /><br />But don't just tell your friend what he can't do. That will focus on the negative and hurt feelings that may cause the loss of a friend. <br /><br />It is critical that you initiate suggestions to make a seperate "family" outing (movies etc.)where "everyone" can go. That will send the signal to your friend and his wife that you really value social contact with the entire family as much as you value the fishing time with your buddy.<br /><br />Good luck...

 

[snapperbait]

Re: How to say it?

Thanks Guys. <br /><br />I've been thinking about this all weekend, and unfortunately, I feel as though I may have to be just slightly harsh durring our little chat to get my point across. I want to make it absolutely crystal clear for him to ask first, and don't assume everyone's invited. <br /><br />You see, problem is that I laid this all out to him once before and it did'nt last. I think we had two trips with just he and I, and then it was back to buisness as usual.<br /><br />After our talk, if this happens again without my concent, then thats it. He and his family will be fishing from the bank for a long while. Too bad. There are plenty of others in this world who would like to go fishing, and just maybe others will respect my wishes.<br /><br />We do like Warhorse suggested. We all get together on "family outings" and go to the movies, dinner, concerts, or just get together at home to play games and bar-b-que, and things like that. Fun stuff. Just want to keep it all fun. Even fishing, once in a while.

 

[rudeafrican]

Re: How to say it?

You have a problem here Willie! Unfortunately the only way would probably be for you or your missus to speak to his wife seeing that you have already spoken to him. I think he might just be too afraid to actually tell her that she cannot go along. Do it at one of the family get togethers where everyone is relaxed. Guaranteed she won't be back unless she's very thick skinned...

 

[LadyFish]

Re: How to say it?

We have the same problem. My husband's best friend who is a captain enjoys doing a little bay fishing once in awhile. His wife always insists on going, she dosen't want him to be in a boat with another woman. Well, I'm sure as hell am not staying home. Its my boat. She ends up ruining the trip for everyone with her whining. My husband, myself and the captain would endure anything and would fish all day and all night. However, she just 'pretends' to enjoy fishing in order to keep an eye on him and be becomes evident after a hour or two on the water. The last time she was unable to go so she sent her three year old son along, and I ended up babysitting instead of fishing.<br /><br />I feel your pain.

 

[snapperbait]

Re: How to say it?

Well, I guess it's time for Wet Willie to expose himself for who he really is cause it don't matter anymore...<br /><br />IT'S ME... Snapperbait...<br /><br />We (my buddy and I) had the little discussion awhile back about how it was to be understood that he needed to ASK FIRST if everyone (mom and kid) were welcome to go fishing... <br /><br />It happend for the last time, tonite... <br /><br />During the phone call the plan the evenings trip, my bud ask if the wife and kid were welcome to which I replied with a definate NO!!!... <br /><br />Well, much to my shock and dismay, low and behold, who shows up??? Why, none other than the whole family, thats who... Decided that I'd take them anyway, but as soon as the bickering started it's going to be FISHING TRIP OVER...<br /><br />I bared it for a little while (bout an hour), but as the bickering grew and nobody was listening to the captain (ME), I decided to turn the boat right back around and deposit them back on the dock... Told them "see ya'll later, I'm going fishing, ALONE!!!! Maybe I'll call ya later"...<br /><br />I hated to do it, but it had to be done...<br /><br />Ahhhh.. Did'nt catch anything , but the peace and quiet was wonderful..

 

[snapperbait]

Re: How to say it?

This is Wet Willie... Signing off...

 

[roscoe]

Re: How to say it?

So Long Wet Willie.<br />Well, maybe things will blow over in a while, and he will know you are serious when you say no. Maybe the friendship can be salvaged.<br />You have to have your space though, so stick by your guns. It took a lot to do what you did.<br /><br />And Ladyfish, I think you have your work cut out for you. Maybe invite a couple teenage girls along next time, just to give her something to steam about. And lay down the law about the 3 year old. Tikes that age don't belong on fishing trips, unless it is kids day.

 

[LadyFish]

Re: How to say it?

Roscoe, if I invited teenage girls I might have to worry about my own husband. <br /><br />Snapperbait, I hope he got the message. Unfortunately people like that seldom do.<br /><br />With friends like him who needs enemas.