I have questions....

Tyme2fish

Commander
Joined
Feb 19, 2002
Messages
2,481
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?



Can you cry under water?



How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?



Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?



Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?



Why does a round pizza come in a square box?



What disease did cured ham actually have?



How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?



Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?



If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?



Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?



Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?



Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.



Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?



Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?



If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?



Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?



If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?



Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!



If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?



If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?



If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?



Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?



Why did you just try singing the two songs above?



Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?



Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
 
D

DJ

Guest
Re: I have questions....

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

a. Bad habit and bad form.

Can you cry under water?

a. Yup!

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

a. I don't plan on finding out either.


Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

a. Retirement.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

a. Nope. Wings won't fit through my shirt.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

a. Did you ever try to fold a round piece of cardboard?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

a. Death.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

a. Because there are no airports on the moon, regardless of what SBN thinks.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

a. Sleeping and waking are two opposite things.

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

a. Yup.

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

a. Have you ever tried to get into a TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

a. Novelty. See quotes from P.T. Barnum.

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.

a. So you can hide your wallet.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

a. One clasp on the former and two leg holes in the latter.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

a. There are a lot of indecent humans.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

a. You cared.

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

a. Technically-yes.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

a. What would the show have been about? McGuyver came later.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

a. He's a "goofy" dog.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

a. Roadrunner wasn't on the menu. They couldn't catch one either.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

a. Two are sources, one is application.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

a. Nope.

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

a. I didn't. I can't sing.

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

a. Both are troublesome.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

a. Who said they're not mad?

;):D:D
 

SgtMaj

Lieutenant Commander
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
1,997
Re: I have questions....

All great, but my favorite is the morality from morons one. :D
 

Tyme2fish

Commander
Joined
Feb 19, 2002
Messages
2,481
Re: I have questions....

I know y'all realize that was a copy and paste. My little brain can't come up with all that!
Just wanted to share with ya. :)
 

JB

Honorary Moderator Emeritus
Joined
Mar 25, 2001
Messages
45,907
Re: I have questions....

It's been here before, T2F.
 

Tyme2fish

Commander
Joined
Feb 19, 2002
Messages
2,481
Re: I have questions....

But it's OK if it's here again?:redface::redface:
 

jcsercsa

Captain
Joined
May 21, 2007
Messages
3,401
Re: I have questions....

Seem parts of this , but alwasy love it !! Good post !! John
 

jay_merrill

Vice Admiral
Joined
Dec 5, 2007
Messages
5,653
Re: I have questions....

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

Must be shoplifting. Rape by a prostitute is what Gov. Spitzer got when he had to pay $80,000 for a few trysts with hookers!
 

BoatBuoy

Rear Admiral
Joined
May 29, 2004
Messages
4,856
Re: I have questions....

Could be felony theft depending on what she charges. Or maybe burglary? Breaking and entering?:D
 

jbjennings

Captain
Joined
Jul 18, 2007
Messages
3,903
Re: I have questions....

When approaching the said prostitute with intent to commit the theft, does one first say "This is a stick-up"??????
 

kenmyfam

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Aug 10, 2006
Messages
14,392
Re: I have questions....

Seen some of these before but still funny !!!
 
Top