Kids leaving home

[cbnoodles]

I just read OBJ's thread about his son moving to the Seattle area and I can definitely feel his pain.<br /><br />My boy is fifteen and he has just entered a military academy (not doing so great in our BIG school system). I know what OBJ means by the hollow feeling. The kid is great and can be the best company but he can't get a grip on keeping his priorities straight while in school so the bride and I had to make a painful decision.<br /><br />At least he's only a few hours' drive away and we'll see him every few weeks. Never imagined one of my kids would be away from home for extended periods before they finished high school.<br /><br />Anybody else have a kid(s) in similar situations? How long do the blues last?

 

[OBJ]

Re: Kids leaving home

Hey Prof......don't know if I would call it pain....but a certain emptyness....yeah. <br /><br />Gotta be harder on you than me....my son is 24 as compared to yours at 15. But in the end....it don't matter what the age is. As I posted to LadyFish....at least mine isn't going off into harms way. Don't make the "goodbys" any easier..but I can be consoled by the fact that he will be here in the USA.<br /><br />Don't think the "blues" ever end. You just learn to live with it.<br /><br />My best to you and yours Prof.....<br /><br />Jim

 

[Bart Sr.]

Re: Kids leaving home

Yes I feel for you.<br /><br />Two years ago our son joined the Marines and about six months later our daughter moved to the cities for college.<br /><br />At this time our son is home on leave after his tour in Iraq and our daughter has moved back home to attend St. Cloud State for three years when she will be going to Florida or California for three more years to obtain her degree as Doctor of Chiropractic.Somewhere along this track she will also earn a degree in Journalism.<br /><br />And as OBJ said the blues don't go away but their visits are real homecomings every time.

 

[cbnoodles]

Re: Kids leaving home

Thanks, I appreciate the comments. It helps to know other people can identify even if the situations aren't necessarily the same.<br /><br />OBJ, I hope your kid enjoys Washington. If he isn't tied too close to Seattle, I'd recommend anywhere along the Columbia River gorge. Wow, is that area beautiful!<br /><br />Bart, Congrats on your son making it back OK. That's something I'm dreading in a couple of years because my boy will most likely enlist when he graduates. Not looking forward to waiting daily for a phone call or a knock on the door.

 

[samagee]

Re: Kids leaving home

I had to say good bye to all four of mine, when my ex wife decided to divorce me and marry someone else. That was 6 years ago. I know have had custody of the two older ones for about 2 or three years now. My oldest is turning 18 in a couple of weeks.<br /><br />I get really depressed when I have to take my boys to the ex wife for her parenting time. Right now this week, they are all in Florida on vacation with their mother. It is really weird and depressing. My current wife knows not to talk to me the days that I take my boys to the ex. I am in no mood to be around people.<br /><br />At any rate, my boys and I are very much involved with each other's lives. We do alot of things together. It is tough at times.

 

[Bart Sr.]

Re: Kids leaving home

Professor---If there is ANY way to talk tour son out of enlisting right after graduation please try.Our son wanted to do the same and I told him he wasn't old enough!He replied that he was 18 and was old enough!I replied that he was old enough in years but not in mentality and maturity.<br />Well,he did wait a couple of years and after Boot Camp he told me he was glad he did as a number of 18 year olds did not hold up very well physically or mentally to their training.<br /><br />Good Luck!

 

[Link]

Re: Kids leaving home

Professor <br />

My boy is fifteen and he has just entered a military academy (not doing so great in our BIG school system). I know what OBJ means by the hollow feeling. The kid is great and can be the best company but he can't get a grip on keeping his priorities straight while in school so the bride and I had to make a painful decision.

You made the best decision with the tools and information you had at the time. If he sticks to it and does fine he will thank you later on in life.<br />BTDT! <br />Don't get your hopes up too high and don't get upset or blame yourself if he goes sideways.<br /><br />Some kids just have to learn the hard way.<br /><br />Best wishes

 

[cbnoodles]

Re: Kids leaving home

Link,<br /><br />Couldn't have said it better myself. I should know. I was a hellion myself when I was a spring chicken and wouldn't listen to anybody. Figured it out later than most. I just don't want my kid to suffer the same fate. Familiar tune, I'm sure.

 

[JB]

Re: Kids leaving home

Well, Bart, Sr., I disagree.<br /><br />In my generation it was a given that you served in the military as part of preparing for life and as part of becoming a full citizen. It worked then and it works now.<br /><br />I, and both of my brothers (both uncles, too) enlisted right after High School and none of us ever regretted it. One of my daughters and my one son also went directly into the military.<br /><br />People should be grown up before going to higher education or starting a career. Military life can do that.<br /><br />If you think your son was too young for the military he was surely too young to leave home at all.

 

[Bart Sr.]

Re: Kids leaving home

JB---That is the typical "Class Of '46" response regarding maturity and military service.Back in "those" days you were EXPECTED to DO AND BELIEVE WHATEVER YOUR "ELDERS"TOLD YOU!!!Having or,HEAVEN FORBID,expressing your own different opinion usually resulted in the"not spoiling"rod.<br /><br />"Join the Military and become a "MAN". HOGWASH!!!!<br /><br />Why not become a "MAN" then join the military and become a BETTER man.<br /><br />I feel that he made a VERY intelligent and MATURE decision based on HIS OWN opinion and advice from the MAN whose opinion he respected the most.<br /><br />Thank You Very Much!!!!!

 

[FLATHEAD]

Re: Kids leaving home

I'll go against the grain here. The wife and I were married very young, she 18 myself 21. We had two kids and they both have done very well,Good parenting was most of it and as we all know some luck was involved too. My boy has since finished collage and moved out on his own. My daughter works evenings and usally is not home till after we are in bed, soon to be married and out of the house also. I have to admit the wife and I have been enjoying the extra bit of privacy with the both kids not around. <br /><br />Dont get me wrong ,,I would walk through fire for those kids. <br /><br />I know I can talk to them or see them anytime I would like, I cant say that I have any hollow empty feelings abopt it at all. Just pride that they have done well enough to make it out there on thier own, and also pride that she and I did a pretty darn good job for a couple of kids that were too young to raise a family.

 

[cbnoodles]

Re: Kids leaving home

Whoa, guys! Easy does it. This discussion was meant to cover how we deal with the kids leaving home, especially at an unusually young age. I don't have a problem with you're disagreement about what constitutes the right age for enlisting but that's not the topic here is it?<br /><br />I guess the reason I started this thread was because I feel so lousy about having made the decision to send the lad to the school. While there are a lot of reasons (all good) for making it, it's still tough to not feel like crap about it and wondering if there isn't something we missed along the way.<br /><br />If the boy was a bad kid or had gotten in trouble with drugs or the law it would be a slam-dunk decision. He just plain didn't want to do his schoolwork and we couldn't figure out a way to motivate him.

 

[OBJ]

Re: Kids leaving home

Only time will tell if your decision was the right one Prof. Sometimes a kid needs a wake up call to get them on the right track. Maybe this move is the right one for yours.....dunno....but I hope it is.

 

[cbnoodles]

Re: Kids leaving home

Update:<br /><br />The boy was home for a week at Thanksgiving and it was a lot of fun having him there. His grades are all in the high 90's except Physics, which I helped him with while he was home. Just as important though was his attitude. He was much more open to the idea of letting others have their way most of the time and was always ready to chip in and help when something needed to be done.<br /><br />I was also able to take him on his first hunting trip. Even though we didn't get a deer, it was a great opportunity for him to spend time with the guys because ours is a heavily female populated family.<br /><br />He still has a long way to go but we were very encouraged by the progress he's already made. I'd also like to thank everyone for their kind words.

 

[NYMINUTE]

Re: Kids leaving home

Don't despair, just when the comfort sets in and the nest has more space, someone will want to come home. That why we are called parents. Keep in mind we raise them to get along on their own at some point. Some are more willing than others.

 

[FSHKPR]

Re: Kids leaving home

I am with flathead on this one. I love my kids to death. but finally having the house for just me and my wife. for us to finally be a couple. its priceless. would not trade it for anything.

 

[one more cast]

Re: Kids leaving home

DITTO to what FSHKPR said. And to the rest of you, don't worry they keep moving back home anyway.

 

[spratt]

Re: Kids leaving home

Originally posted by FSHKPR:<br /> I am with flathead on this one. I love my kids to death. but finally having the house for just me and my wife. for us to finally be a couple. its priceless. would not trade it for anything.

Sometimes things do not work out as we plan and hope...my wife adn I also got married young, me 21 and her 18...at the age of 19, she had our first son, then within two years teh second. We planned on two whatever the sex of each, and to have them early so we could enjoy grandchildren at an early age if it so happened. Also, by the time the boys were old enought to leave home, we would still be young enough to do things we wanted to do.<br /><br />Both boys did get married and move out, had children, and now ufortunately, one boy is in divorce proceedings and one is already divorced. The older son had two girls, the younger had one girl. The one with two girls sent them to my house to live, for however long, due to circumstances. So, I am not quite 50, have two babies again to raise, one is nearly four, one is almost two. We get to start all over again...but I would not have had it any other way, under the circumstances!!! Their mother lives less than 15 minutes away, but they donot see her as often as they SHOULD, but I do not make a push to have them go there anyway.<br /><br />I guess the moral here, is taht though both of my sons appeared to be mature, old enough, and stable enough, noone can predict what they will do when under fire of real life. Both boys had been on their own for a while before marriage, so it wasn't like out ofrom Mom's skirts to the big evil world...<br /><br />One hard part, i staht both of my sons live in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., some 3000 miles away from us. We are astill in phone contact regularly, so I have every opportunity to express how much I love them and they do the same.<br /><br />JB, I suppose that no matter how (or what) our kids turn out to do or be, we still love them...I would fight to the death for either of the boys or their ex wives or the kids. And Mama Bear would destroy anything that tried to hurt either of them...<br /><br />The best thing oen can do is to remember that you raised the kids to the best of your ability, without an instruction manual (other than the Bible) and that they will always remember what they have been taught.