Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

[11 footer]

I met girlfriends family today, I only met her four days ago, but we really hit it off. The family really weren't what I expected but they really seemed to like me.<br />I was kinda worried at first, wasn't looking forward to meeting "the father". <br />The first thing he wanted to know was "how old are you", I got the impression that something happened in the past with a boyfriend that was quite a bit older then her. Once he found out I was 16, and actually 3 months younger then his daughter, he was real nice, and actually told me good luck putting up with her. <br /><br />The only other awkward time was we where talking about figure skating, she skates one day a week and really likes it, she wanted to do it more and get better at it, but private figure skating lesions are VERY expensive. Well, I made the mistake a letting her find out that my sister gets private lessons 6 days a week and is really good at it, then she brought it up in front of her dad while was there. Her dad was like "well, don't have the money for that like some people do, we can't afford it", while looking at me, that was kinda uncomfortable. <br /><br />Shes very well dressed, fake nails, $100 haircuts every two weeks, I had assumed that her parents did ok for themeless, but they don't. She actually works a lot, at dunken dounts, she works more hours then any girl I’ve ever met, so I guess she pays for all these things herself. I really like that about her. I'd never judge someone for it, but their house was real run down, torn furniture, missing door frames, cracked walls old warn out carpet, and it was really small for five people, bother,two sisters and mouther and father all living a very small house together.<br />It wasn't like dirty and trashy, it was clean and neat, just not very "nice". I'm a little worried about bringing her to my house, which isn't really "modest" and having her feel funny.<br /><br />Any suggestions as to how to approach this?

 

[Pony]

Re: Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

RYAN- my girlfriend of some 11 months took a long time to feel comfortable around my parents and the house etc......we talked about it, and I pretty much told her that my family and all that comes with it is a part of me; it is me......and that if she wanted a future with me she'd have to learn to not be uncomfortable any more. Now its fine, today she came over for the packer game, a fire in the fireplace, and dinner. granted your situation isnt the same, but one thing still applies, and that is you can't and shouldnt have to change who you are or how ur family lives; likewise you shouldnt have to feel wierd about it in front of her or have to worry about her feeling funny. fact is that if there is any future and she does like you, then she will not care, because you are more important than that.......dont know how well i explained all that. oh well

 

[Kenneth Brown]

Re: Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

I've been wondering how you were since the wreck. You know as two of the young'un's on here we've had our share us tussles. I swear sometimes Ryan you can get in the damnedest situations. You really remind me of myself, you just have a lot more money <br /><br />Pony hit it on the head. My wifes family is fairly wel of. Mine is a little bit above dirt poor. It kinda sucks when I can't give her the things her parents can but we are slowly building ourselves up. The fact that the girl likes to work to provide for herself is good and bad. It shows intiative (sp?) which is good. It also shows a certain amount of greed which is not good. When I was pre-teen and a teen I worked a lot of mowing jobs. I had every toy a kid could want because I worked for them. The bad part is I have a brother who is 5 years younger and I can't ever remember buying him anything. I look back on that and it really bothers me.

 

[deputydawg]

Re: Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

Mine is the same way, my wifes family is not dirt poor, but not wealthy either. When we met in high school, first time in their house it was what you describe. Small, run down, very poor looking, torn furniture, when the wind blew from the north on my second visit there the carpet would rise in the family room. I just acted like it was not a big deal at all, acted like seeing a house in that condition was an every day event for me. When we went to my house I made no mention at all of the home, just the people there. <br />My family is not at all well off, actually very poor, but since both mom and dad worked we had more than her family. Our standard of living was a little higher too, so we had nicer looking things. <br /><br />That was in 1988. Now they still live in the same house, more run down. After becoming a member of the family I have spent some time at mother in laws request fixing some things around her house.<br /><br />I saw that they did not take the time or effort to take care of their things like my family did. Vehicles were run down, house wad run down. In time I found it was not a social thing so much as a lazy thing. <br /><br />Just act like it is every day, and make no mention of your homw or hers. Don't take her on a grand tour of your home, just treat it like you would inviting a male friend over. It will only be a big deal to you or her if you or her make it a big deal.<br /><br />Good luck to you. I know your position and it is a hard one to be in.

 

[Dunaruna]

Re: Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

Ryan, money is not the measure of wealth, trust your instincts.<br /><br />From the clues you have given, she sounds like a good catch.

 

[POINTER94]

Re: Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

See JB's post

 

[JB]

Re: Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

Ryan, I think you know that quality in people has nothing to do with what they have or their standard of living. Quality has to do with what you value, what your priorities are and how you treat your fellow human beings, not what you have.<br /><br />Neither of you should be embarrassed by your circumstances compared to one another. Neither of you created where or how you live so you deserve neither credit nor blame.<br /><br />Your young lady sounds like a person who is taking responsibility for herself very early in life. I think that is a good sign; My three girls worked for their music, clothes and cars when they were teens and I think it prepared them to be excellent money managers as adults.<br /><br />The most important things for you to learn about one another are values and priorities. Those are what makes a person, and what makes people compatible or not.<br /><br />Good luck.

 

[one more cast]

Re: Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

Ryan, NEVER judge people by what they have, Look at sodomy Hussain (sp)! He was very wealthy.

 

[ehenry]

Re: Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

OMC, I thought his name was SoDamn Insane.<br /><br />Ryan, the fact that your girlfriend works to provide for herself speaks volumes of the type person she is. I really dont think greed has anything to do with it. I believe that you've for someone that has her feet firmly planted on the ground and has her head screwed on straight and not cross threaded. Hang on to her she sounds like a good one.

 

[PW2]

Re: Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

I'd relax and not worry about any of it.<br /><br />As others have said, wealth or lack of it is pretty much irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.<br /><br />You've only known her for a few days, relax, and fer gawdsakes don't let her ride in your car if you are the one doing the driving!

 

[QC]

Re: Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

Ryan,<br /><br />My wife's family is dirt poor and mine is not. It has caused some issues, but we are about to celebrate our 20th and our relationship is strong. My mom has sort of adopted my wife as her own as she doesn't have a daughter only my two brothers and me; their relationship has helped a lot. I actually have had more tension with her brothers over the years, but that is much better now. They used to accuse me of thinking I was better than them.<br /><br />One of the most attractive things about Mrs. QC when I met her was the responsibility she took for her own life. She handled what she had to which sounds a little like your new find . . . <br /><br />Good luck!!

 

[11 footer]

Re: Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

I was talking to her on the phone a few times today and she mentioned how cold she was. Turns out, her dad won't turn the heat on because its "too early in the year", but it really is pretty cold out, and most people have been heating heating their homes for a few weeks now. I also talked to her more about work, she works not only more then any other girl my age, but even more then any guy my age! She works two jobs and pays for everything she has herself. <br /><br />One things for sure, this girl likes to talk and I mean a lot. I don't think I'll be able to stay on the phone with her for hours on end everyday like she likes to now, but hopefully once we know eachother a little better the phone calls will get shorter.<br /><br />But I can really say this is the first girl I've ever been really excited about, something about her I just really like, and shes the first really hot girl I've found that wasn't a total b!chh <br />Her parents told her they really like me, and not to "scare me away" one thing that is kinda both good and bad is that she said she won't lie to her parents about me. I guess she had to lie a lot about her last boyfriend, the big one being his age and it all ended really bad, although I don't know all the details. So, her parents know my exact age, which mean that I can't legally drive with her in my car, and they for right now they don't want her driving with me. She thinks if I spend some more time at her house and get to know them better they might let me drive her. So I'll have to work on that.

 

[Barbee Q]

Re: Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

Ryan not having alot of money really builds charator to whom you are, I bet she has alot of charm and charactor and if you are pleased and happy that is worth all the money in the World.. Have fun and enjoy your new freindship..<br />Takecare

 

[BF]

Re: Met her family today. . . . looking for advice

Hiya,<br /><br />Well, 'cause you asked... my advice is don't get too serious too fast. At 16, both you and she both have the whole "building a life of your own" stuff ahead of you. There are parts of what you wrote that make me smile, 'cause they show you're a youngin! <br /><br />You say

Shes very well dressed, fake nails, $100 haircuts every two weeks,

... While it's great that she's managed to make the $$ for these things on her own, it could be that the father thinks if she has this much $$$ to spend on herself, maybe she could chip in towards the heating bill during the lean times (?). I wonder if she pays towards room/board or does her share to help out around the house? Of course 16 year olds have different priorities than their parents... making your first cash, and deciding what do to with it is part of growing up. And no, it's not at all unusual that teenage money is spent on luxury things that parent/adults see as frivolous... I'd say that's the norm. It's the first time they have real money to spend.<br /><br />As for having her feel "funny" when she see's your family's situation, my only advice to you is just take it slow and get to know her as a person (and so she gets to know you). I'm not saying this is her, but you should realize that some people (and not just females) actually think about opportunities to move up in "social status". When I was younger a friend ended up breaking up with his long term girlfriend because he came to the realization that the only basis for their relationship was that she found his wealth/career path ($$$) attractive. He moved on and really hit it off with someone else who connected more to him as a person.<br /><br />So, have fun, get to know each other (which takes months/years not days)... and don't get too serious. You've got lots of time and living to do!