A man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed <br />in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and <br />you can do anything you want." <br />So he tied her up and went fishing. <br />*********************************************** <br /><br />A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway,<br />and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted <br />at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won <br />the lottery!" <br />The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, <br />beach stuff or mountain stuff?" <br />"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the he11 out." <br />*********************************************** <br /><br />A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a <br />driver's license. <br />First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. <br />The optician showed him a card with the letters: <br />'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the <br />optician asked. <br />"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." <br />************************************************ <br /><br />Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said <br />to them, <br />"I must tell you all something. We have a case of <br />gonorrhea in the convent." <br />"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. <br />"I'm so tired of chardonnay." <br />************************************************ <br /><br />Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina <br />mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first <br />day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. <br />That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. <br />On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. <br />That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his <br />teeth. <br />On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. <br />The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
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