I just got this email, and figured you folks would get a kick out of it. Forgive me if it's already been posted.<br /><br />Noah 2003 Version <br /> <br />It is the year 2003 and Noah lives in the United States. <br /> <br />The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and <br />cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. <br /> <br />But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living <br />thing on the earth. <br /> <br />Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." <br /> <br />In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. <br /> <br />Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. <br /> <br />"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything <br />aboard in one year." <br /> <br />Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the <br />seas of the earth went into a tumult. <br /><br />The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. <br /> <br />"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" <br /> <br />"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big <br />problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not <br />comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. <br /> <br />Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire <br />sprinkler system and floatation devices. <br /> <br />Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by <br />building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city <br />planning commission. <br /> <br />I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on <br />cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. <br /> <br />I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save <br />the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. <br />So, no owls. <br /> <br />The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a <br />settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, <br />but still no owls. <br /> <br />When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights <br />group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. <br /> <br />Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not <br />complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed <br />flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction <br />over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. <br /> <br />Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood <br />plain. I sent them a globe. <br /> <br />Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment <br />Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking <br />godless, unbelieving people aboard! <br /> <br />The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in <br />preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. <br /> <br />I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and <br />failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft." <br /> <br />Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further <br />construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a <br />religious event, therefore unconstitutional. <br /> <br />I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah <br />wailed. <br /> <br />The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. <br /> <br />A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. <br /> <br />"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" <br /> <br />"No," said the Lord sadly. . ."The government already has."
