Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

[ezbtr]

Do any of you have any experience with racism from family members etal for having (in my case) a Mexican or other girlfriend/wife?
Mine is great!!!!(gf) I dont understand this type of behavior???? My family is hmmmmm "different"......and I would not be.... yayyyyy ME

 

[achris]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

Hi Ezbtr,

My wife is Russian and I have no problems with family or friends. They all love her and she loves them.

I understand what you're saying about PC/racist, and it's my firm belief that the do-gooders/left wingers are just making it worst by saying that we should constantly be aware of the differences in colour/race/religion/gender, et al... I think we should just forget about those differences and just live our lives without constant pressure to 'not offend' anyone and everyone.

I heard something on the radio the other day and it said that years ago we were told that we can't talk about religion and sex, but now we can't talk about anything.... Oh so true, sadly....

Chris.......

 

[ezbtr]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

Hi Ezbtr,

My wife is Russian and I have no problems with family or friends. They all love her and she loves them.

I understand what you're saying about PC/racist, and it's my firm belief that the do-gooders/left wingers are just making it worst by saying that we should constantly be aware of the differences in colour/race/religion/gender, et al... I think we should just forget about those differences and just live our lives without constant pressure to 'not offend' anyone and everyone.

I heard something on the radio the other day and it said that years ago we were told that we can't talk about religion and sex, but now we can't talk about anything.... Oh so true, sadly....

Chris.......

thats great! my gf asked me why family(not all) racist, I have no clue - perhaps with my family it has something to do with the war(WW2) and they came over after - I frankly think there is NO reason.....stupid to put a "thought" on many for what a few have done!

 

[cheburashka]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

Hi Ezbtr,

I understand what you're saying about PC/racist, and it's my firm belief that the do-gooders/left wingers are just making it worst by saying that we should constantly be aware of the differences in colour/race/religion/gender, et al...

Hmm. I didn't get that at all from the original post. I'm one of those left wingers who stirs that kind of stuff up. Heck, I even teach classes in it. My take? Around here people need to be made constantly aware that they are constantly aware of the differences in color/race/religion/gender etc. They sometimes forget how much they attribute to race. Having them not talk about it in public doesn't ease things up at all.

Generally it's people lashing out at people of color, but you'd be surprised what they say about Russians and Ukrainians around here.

 

[ezbtr]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

Hmm not a left winger, but my girl insists on cleaning my place - not gonna happen , hmm maybe if she helps me, LOL, I cook, clean, laundry , all - Im a single dad! I love cooking ,and as she does ALL at her house as a great single mom. And works her butt off......at "work", I am so proud of her, my God that girl works harder than I do!!!

 

[puddle jumper]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

I can relate. My wife is native and at first my family was wondering what I was doing. There was even poor remarks about it with lots of family gossip. But after time and some family events my family and friends now look at her as my wife and family. Nothing more or less.

In the event that they still have a problem with it well that,s there problem.

 

[ezbtr]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

I can relate. My wife is native and at first my family was wondering what I was doing. There was even poor remarks about it with lots of family gossip. But after time and some family events my family and friends now look at her as my wife and family. Nothing more or less.

In the event that they still have a problem with it well that,s there problem.

cool! I am the same, is their problem!

 

[achris]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

..... Having them not talk about it in public doesn't ease things up at all.

That's precisely what I'm saying.

Generally it's people lashing out at people of color, but you'd be surprised what they say about Russians and Ukrainians around here.

What do you mean by 'lashing out'? And I wouldn't be surprised at anything said about anybody. Generally those who seek better opportunity and migrate to a new country are the ones willing to put in some very hard work to make it worthwhile. Unfortunately there are some people (some employers) who take advantage of this and will pay below the rate for them to work. This I believe is where some of the problems arise. The incumbents see the immigrates as taking their jobs. Yes and No. They should be blaming the employers who exploit the immigrant. The other side of the coin is that most of these immigrants are willing to do just about anything, jobs that the locals won't do. And for that I admire them. Just my take on this one.

In Australia we've had 'ethnically based' comments for years. Australia opened its doors to southern Europeans just after WWII, and all the locals got upset... Then we had an influx of Asians escaping war-torn countries (Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, etc) and again the rest of Australian (including the descendants of the migrants from the 50's and 60's) started getting 'racist'. Now we have middle easterns, and Africans, and guess who's making there voices heard in among the others. Yep....

As with the past immigration waves, the immigrants settle in and become part of the wider community, and the 'racist' comments mostly go away. But it won't happen this time, because we are constantly being reminded of the differences, because what we have now that we didn't have before is a group of people sticking their noses in where they are not wanted and telling the rest of us what and how we should be thinking.

My 2c.....

 

[puddle jumper]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

I think the biggest thing that changed there mind was the fact that I was on her side not there's. This made them see that she was part of my life.

 

[jay_merrill]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

Yes, I've had to deal with this. My reaction to it is simple - I have no use for bigots and I really don't care if they are family members or not. These are not people that I want to spend my time with, so the choice is actually pretty easy.

What especially annoys me, is what I call "member of the club." This is when I am in the presence of a group of caucasians and they start making racial comments about an individual or group of people, assuming that I am OK with the conversation, because I am caucasian. In short, they think that I am a member of their club of bigots. I am not and just about always inform them of that in a very aggressive manner. About the only time that I don't do this, is when my judgement suggests that I can handle the matter more effectively, in another way.

We have been at this "civil rights thing" for a long time. The bad news is that we are a very long way from solving all of the problems, but the good news is that we are way ahead of where we were in 1965.

In an attempt to finish this on a lighter note, I'll say that, as a guy who spends a significant amount of time "shooting" models who are less than half my age, dang there sure are some pretty brown women in the world!



???

 

[achris]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

.... I'll say that, as a guy who spends a significant amount of time "shooting" models who are less than half my age, dang there sure are some pretty brown women in the world!

???

Is that still legal in your country??? Dang, I gotta move

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

i think education, and worldliness, has a lot to do with it. the person you chose to bring into the family, male or female, has to try to make a good impression. also, warning the family before the first meeting, would be a good idea.

i live in a big Navy town, with many combination's of couples.

also this state has a large Caribbean population. my only problem is, i wish they would learn English.

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

Ahhhh another lesson in cultural diversity.

What it all boils down to is basic "human respect." It seems that people just don't have any. People cross all sorts of boundaries verballizing without social filters, and most of the time we remain silent. Speak up about it. Let people know that you are not okay with those comments and ask them at the very least, out of respect for you, to stop.

Your silence communicates that you agree or that you are okay with this behavior.

Its easy to speak up. First, assume good intent i.e. "I know you mean well, but ..........?" Individualize it. People tend to put people into groups and create labels. Ask if they are talking about someone in particular. Respond by saying "I don't agree, I think most people are like that.

When someone steps on your toe you say "ouch" right? If you don't know what to say in this situation, just say "OUCH." They'll will get the message.

The worst thing you can do is stay silent. Your silence hurts.

Speak up!

 

[Mark_VTfisherman]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

Stereotypes. Racism. Same? Probably. The issue arises when we find ourselves commenting to make ourselves look better or actuallly consider ourselves better than "x"-group of people.

I live in a predominantly white part of the US. We have a few black kids in the church youth group. We have shared jokes about tanning and some other things - no one has been offended. It is just clear that they are black, and I am white! Black or white isn't the issue however: they issue is that these students are clearly different than most of their peers here, and it happens to be skin color. But whether they are black, brown, asian, russian, whatever- doesn't make them inferior to anyone else. They are accepted- and they accept others- equally.

Strangely, I have experienced prejudice. But not based on color. I lived in Greenville, SC area for about six months once. Some people were fine, whites, blacks. But a large cross section of white people treated me and my wife pretty poorly because we were from the north- yankees. I was threatened when applying for jobs, and had a number of threatening comments made to me about being a yank and called a "******-lover." A guy I got to know a little where I was employed said it all: He said to me once: "Man I admire you. You're brave and you just take it!" I asked him to explain. He responded "Well, you know they hate us, but they want to kill you..." He was a big black guy about 6'4" He was a good guy- wish I had kept in touch.

I moved back north shortly thereafter, concluding I wasn't going to get past the job experiences on my resume which pegged me as a "yank." Now I am not pigeon-holing southerners- a met a lot of decent white people, but it sure did show me what prejudice was.

Identifying with your "brown" girlfriend like you did/do is probably going to preserve your relationship just fine. You can't change ignorant people's opinions and stereotypes, but maybe they will learn something from you guys over time.

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

Mark, we got the same reception 30 years ago when we moved from NY to Texas. Now we are referred to as damn yankees, those who stay. I've had family here since the early 50's and spent a lot of time traveling back and forth on family vacations. Texas was always my home away from home, now its my home. We didn't take comments personally and now have many, many friends both from here and everywhere else in the world. We love living here and have no plans of moving back to the frozen tundra. People will just have to put up with us.

 

[JB]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

I think most, if not all, harmful prejudice comes from knowing one thing (a "label") about someone and thinking you know all about them.

I have a hostile feeling every time I see or hear a person of mixed ethnicity "labeled" as, for example, African. The President of the United States and the greatest golfer of all time are examples.

Some prejudices are more subtle. My Grandmother was a Victorian Lady, born in 1883, and very vocal about what was "proper" and what wasn't.

She initially disapproved of my German peasant bride. Though she came to adore the LOML as much as I did, LOML felt the disapproval keenly. She recently asked me what Grandmother had against Germans, or peasants.

"Oh, Grandmother approved of Germans, and particularly peasants," I said. "She just didn't approve of Catholics."

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

HEY, try being blonde for a day!

Sterotyping whether it be race, religion, culture or the color of your hair it still boils down to the same thing and we are all guilty of it or have been at one time or another. It's time we change that.

 

[cheburashka]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

I have a hostile feeling every time I see or hear a person of mixed ethnicity "labeled" as, for example, African. The President of the United States and the greatest golfer of all time are examples.

I guess I don't understand this attitude since in many cases a person chooses their own "label." Sometimes you have to refer to a person's ethnic background, just like you would their religion or gender. Some of the terms are flat-out racist and a sensitive person knows not to use them. Some are dated--referring more to skin color than origins. "Negro" for example is obviously a term that most people wouldn't use. Sometimes a person needs to refer to his or her own origins. So why not respect a person who chooses to say "African-American" instead of "Black"? Are they black in color? Certainly not. Do we need to bring ancestry up when we discuss some people? You're the one who brought up Obama and Tiger Woods.

I think a person has a right to choose what he or she would prefer to be called. Tiger Woods doesn't describe himself as "African-American." He says he's "mixed." Some people don't like that term either, since it has connotations that go back to words like "mulatto" and "mestiza" which are derogatory. However if it's how he views his heritage, who am I to say "sorry, you can't say that about yourself"?

I think any group with a history of being labeled in a derogatory manner by others--especially when those labels were "official" or "governmental," has a right to choose a "name" that they feel fits them better. Why would that make you angry?

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

Do any of you have any experience with racism from family members etal for having (in my case) a Mexican or other girlfriend/wife?
Mine is great!!!!(gf) I dont understand this type of behavior???? My family is hmmmmm "different"......and I would not be.... yayyyyy ME

My wife has a black lab and a yellow lab (acts like a blonde).... she wants to complete her "variety pack" with a chocolate....... Ez how many girlfriends do you have??? Do they know about each other?????

Hmmmm, I live in the boonies just like Mark (same state ) and yes I have experienced more North-South problems rather than any other. Now if you move to VT you are labeled as a Flatlander and it is said you will remain one until 6 generations are born and buried here!

I am actually proud to say aside from the flatlander comments we do not have any prejudice here and I raised my family the same way........

 

[gonefishie]

Re: Not trying to be PC, actually anti racist

I can totally relate. As some of you may already know, I am of Asian descendant and I experience these things on a daily basic. All of my past relationships have been with white girls. Some of their family were more acceptable of me then others. My family have no problem with them. I have 7-8 cousins with caucasian spouse. Although my mom would like for me to marry an Asian girl but she still welcome them with open arms. Racism, prejudice, etc...are all part of human nature. I think no matter how open minded a person is, he/she still guilty of it in some form or another sometimes. I think these things still exist because we're very aware of our differences. Until we no longer know the differences then the problem goes away. We have come a long way but still got a long way to go.