Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

[BoatBuoy]

and some I have.

You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3.. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5 You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care..

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.. '

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

 

[Tim Frank]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

You Might Be a Redneck Jedi If

Your Jedi robe is a Camouflage color.

You have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.

You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth.

At least one panel of your X-Wing fighter is primer colored.

There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.


You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.


You think that the Stormtroopers Elite Guards are just KKK members with really good sheets.


A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.


You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not The Force.


Your master ever said "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"


You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your front yard.


You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.


You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.


The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.


Wookies are offended by your B.O.


You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.


You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.


You have ever used a light-sabre to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.


Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot."


You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the bar-b-q grill to light

 

[Knightgang]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

Never heard the Jedi ones before. I will think up some, I just cannot remember them rightnow...

 

[jay_merrill]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

You might be "coonass" (cajun) if .... you own a pickup and a boat, but the boat goes faster than the pickup and costs three times as much!



???

 

[j_martin]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

You might be "coonass" (cajun) if .... you own a pickup and a boat, but the boat goes faster than the pickup and costs three times as much!



???

HEY!!!
Ya gotta have your priorities right.

 

[WAVENBYE2]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

Ya those are good ones!! I'll have to put some on here later, so for now I'll give ya some drunk redneck women to laugh at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4y3UjLGpm0
Gotta go, ya'll have a goodun!
Some of you probaly already saw this one but i'll put it on here anyway incase some haven't. Redneck houseboat.

 

[Cofe]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

Might be a redneck if.....

1. Your Harley turns into a dirt bike when you start down the road to you're house.

2. You have to mow the center of you're drive way.

3. One of the tires on you're truck says NO HUNTING on it.

 

[dave11]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

You might be "coonass" (cajun) if .... you own a pickup and a boat, but the boat goes faster than the pickup and costs three times as much!



???

My truck still goes faster than my boats, but the boats cost many times what the truck cost.

 

[rbh]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

Might be a redneck if.....

1. Your Harley turns into a dirt bike when you start down the road to you're house.

2. You have to mow the center of you're drive way.

3. One of the tires on you're truck says NO HUNTING on it.

people should mow the center of the driveway, one less place for the coyotes to hide behind

 

[jkust]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

Man I love redneck jokes. I laughed at at least 10 of those.

 

[captharv]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

A true one from a guy I used to work with:
"You could be a redneck if you buy your mother a .357 magnum for Christmas, and ammo for her birthday"

 

[And-Con]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

My only comment on the initial post its "hey ya'll watch this" not hey guys watch this(6)

 

[Bart Sr.]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

I liked the "Redneck Boater" list from way back.

My favorite(the one I remember) is:

You might be a redneck boater if:

You go out in the boat and take your wife,your sister and your cousin and it is just the two of you.

 

[WAVENBYE2]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

Oldies but still Goodies!!

You know yur a Redneck when you go to a family reunion to find a date.

You know yur a redneck when you show for a job interveiw with a beer in your hand.

 

[BeaufortTJustice]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

Hey...I resemble-er-I mean-resent those remarks...lol

Here's one I heard the other day,

What's a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common?






-somebody is bound to lose a trailer in either one.

 

[avenger79]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

and some I have.

You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

so you're telling me it's time to upgrade maybe. Mine isn't that old yet but it sure seems to enjoy sleeping in the garage and waiting for repair. this weeks project is ABS sensors.

 

[26aftcab454]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

we took the Wellcraft accross the lake for a Halloween Party and 2 of the guys went as rednecks- they had "mullett "wigs and just wore old nascar & Lynard Skynard tee shirts- old jeans & tennis shoes..

You might be a RED NECK if at a Christmas party all the young grand kids line up to punch Grand Pa (my dad) in the stomach to show them how tuff he is and your wife (mine) is the last in line and when she punches Grand Pa in the stomah he cuts a really loud fart.
true story- can't make that stuff up!

 

[avenger79]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

we took the Wellcraft accross the lake for a Halloween Party and 2 of the guys went as rednecks- they had "mullett "wigs and just wore old nascar & Lynard Skynard tee shirts- old jeans & tennis shoes..

You might be a RED NECK if at a Christmas party all the young grand kids line up to punch Grand Pa (my dad) in the stomach to show them how tuff he is and your wife (mine) is the last in line and when she punches Grand Pa in the stomah he cuts a really loud fart.
true story- can't make that stuff up!

did she spend the rest of the day saying she punched the crap out of him and you could be next?

 

[Knightgang]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

She certainly De-gassed him.....


Kinda like a decarb.......

 

[HappierWet]

Re: Some redneck qualifiers I haven't heard before

.

You know yur a redneck when you show for a job interveiw with a beer in your hand.

What?? Doesn't everybody