stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

[rbh]

So the preivious thread showed kinda what the last week was like, do not want to go to the bar.
Really, really bored sitting here alone, AHHHHHHHHH
Need a joke or something, bring it on guys!!!!


PLEASE :facepalm:

 

[LippCJ7]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

You should go outside and go swimming!!

 

[rbh]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

You should go outside and go swimming!!

NOW!!!!!, thats a good joke, thanks bud.

Refer back to the pic posted in my last thread.

 

[roscoe]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

So, there's this guy, sitting all alone in his hotel room.

He's sitting in the chair in a pair of swim trunks, all greased up with sunscreen and a little zinc oxide on the nose.

He's wearing a pair of docksiders and has his legs up on the table, with a fishnet draped over his legs and a fishing rod in his hand.

He pours himself a cool beverage and picks up the laptop, quickly navigating to one of those super explicit boating sites.


Only to find that the site is as dead as the bait he is using tonight.

 

[rbh]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

so, there's this guy, sitting all alone in his hotel room.

He's sitting in the chair in a pair of swim trunks, all greased up with sunscreen and a little zinc oxide on the nose.

He's wearing a pair of docksiders and has his legs up on the table, with a fishnet draped over his legs and a fishing rod in his hand.

He pours himself a cool beverage and picks up the laptop, quickly navigating to one of those super explicit boating sites.


Only to find that the site is as dead as the bait he is using tonight.

huh, wah???

 

[roscoe]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

Ok, try this one.

A car salesman, a mime, and a turtle walk into a coffee shop...........

ah forget it, I'm sure you've heard that one before.

 

[Tim Frank]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

Here's a couple...


An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's final agony, as he started to slip away, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs defying the pull of Morpheus.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the
kitchen. Were it not for the immense pain caused by his extreme exertions, he would have thought himself already in heaven for there spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table - were hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted
wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, with tears in his eyes, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the sweet biscuit was already mentally in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. He felt renewed strength pulsate through his body.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to one lone biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife......

"^&%$ off, " she said, "they're for the funeral."


________________________________________________________

It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know
the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.

The first little girl says: "My name is Mary Anderson and my daddy is a postman."
The next little boy says: "I'm Andy Stevens and my Dad is a mechanic."
Then one little boy says: "My name is Jimmy Clark and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."

The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the school yard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar.

Jimmy blushes and says, "No teacher I'm sorry, but my dad plays hockey for the Edmonton Oilers, and I was just too embarrassed to say so."

 

[Bill Kilgore]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

Jimmy blushes and says, "No teacher I'm sorry, but my dad plays hockey for the Edmonton Oilers, and I was just too embarrassed to say so."

I know absolutely nothing about hockey, but spewed coffee on the keyboard, a little. That is funny I don't care who you are.
Now back to determining if I am currently one hour early, on time, or one hour late.

 

[Tim Frank]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

I know absolutely nothing about hockey, but spewed coffee on the keyboard, a little. That is funny I don't care who you are.
Now back to determining if I am currently one hour early, on time, or one hour late.

I've seen "plays baseball for the Chicago Cubs...."
" Plays football for the Buffalo Bills"...etc
The beauty of that joke is that as teams' fortunes wax and wane, the joke can keep up with the times.
(in fact Edmonton is a great franchise that just has had a bad run the past few years. they have great crop of young players...they are a year or two only from a return to the top )

 

[LippCJ7]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

I've seen "plays baseball for the Chicago Cubs...."
" Plays football for the Buffalo Bills"...etc
The beauty of that joke is that as teams' fortunes wax and wane, the joke can keep up with the times.
(in fact Edmonton is a great franchise that just has had a bad run the past few years. they have great crop of young players...they are a year or two only from a return to the top )

As with the rest of your post Tim the bold part of your post is also claimed to be true with every team who is the subject of the joke!!!

rbh, would it help that we are supposed to be in the 60F area today? or was it you that drove down to Colorado and dumped the 1 inch of snow in my front yard last night in response to my swimming comment?

Personaly I think we should shoot weather forecasters in public when they predict a high of 60F, once the fresh snow melts........

 

[Bill Kilgore]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

Are you still stuck in your hotel room?



Before he passed I used to ask sports fans around here the following:

Question: "What does Michael Jackson and the Houston Astros have in common?"

Answer: "They both were one glove on one hand for no apparent reason"



Hope you can get out soon...

 

[wifisher]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

Might as well keep it going.

The old lady is laying on her deathbed with her husband by her side. Husband asks, "Honey you've had that foot locker at the end of the bed for 48 years now, and always said that it is your private space and I should not look in it. I have honored your wishes for all these years, but before you pass, just tell me what is in there." She replies, "Well, I guess after we've shared our lives for this long there is no reason for you not to look. Go ahead and open the chest."
He opens the chest and finds an ear of corn and $1000. He is a little confused by this and wonders why keep these things secret? So he asks his wife "Why would you want to keep these from me? I have no problem with you having some money for yourself, and the ear of corn is certainly nothing worth keeping secret."
So she tells him, "The ear of corn is only there for a symbol to myself. You see... uh.. well... we've been married for all this time, but sometimes i get a little itch to see others, and that ear of corn is there as a reminder to me of when I was unfaithful to you."
The husband is shocked at this revelation, but then thinks about it a little, and decides "Well, once when I was a young man and away at war I hired a prostitute to relieve my urges, so I guess I can forgive a transgression such as that. But honey all of that money... why did you have that in there?"
She replies "Every time I got a bushel of corn I would take it to the market and sell it."

 

[Cofe]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

At the hospital, a nurse was helping a mother and her newborn girl. On the paper work the newborn's name was listed as La-ha. The nurse asked the mother, "How do you pronounce her name?" The mother replied
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The dash no be silent......Ladasha


Hope you get out soon.......Or the jokes will get worse!!!!

 

[rogerwa]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

How do you know you're ugly???

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The Dog closes his eyes when he humps your leg..

 

[Summer Fun]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

Look outside. I'll bet theres some entertainment just waiting for you.

 

[BeaufortTJustice]

Re: stuck in hotel room really bored, talk dang it talk!!!!!

I'll play along...

How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen snort?










...enough to kill 2 1/2 men...


Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitstaff...

Can't take credit, though, saw it on another forum yesterday.