Stupid Sign

MGuckin

Senior Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Jun 10, 2001
Messages
760
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...OOPS, never mind. I didn't see your sign."<br /><br />It's like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway.<br />My friend comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?"<br />"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."<br /><br />A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock says, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?"<br />"Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."<br /><br />I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it: "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good. They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."<br /><br />Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and (I SWEAR) he said, "Tire go flat?"<br />I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."<br /><br />We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.<br /><br /> ;)
 

MGuckin

Senior Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Jun 10, 2001
Messages
760
Re: Stupid Sign

Jeff Foxworthy and it was new to me. <br />I will do a survey of the 10000+ members next time before I post a joke. Don't want to post something that everybody has already heard.<br /> :rolleyes:
 

JB

Honorary Moderator Emeritus
Joined
Mar 25, 2001
Messages
45,907
Re: Stupid Sign

Hey, MG.<br /><br />Some stuff is worth hearing twice. :) <br /><br />Four or five times? Well. . . . :D
 

495v

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Feb 13, 2002
Messages
432
Re: Stupid Sign

Foxworthy is great stuff. My brother-in-law plays it all the time, and it's just funny as h@ll.
 
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DJ

Guest
Re: Stupid Sign

MG,<br /><br />I NEVER tire of hearing or reading them. They are great! :D
 

Chum Slick

Petty Officer 2nd Class
Joined
Aug 7, 2001
Messages
116
Re: Stupid Sign

Hey, <br /> I lead a sheltered life. I never heard those before. I have several deer head mounts in my house. Friend was by the other day and asked if I killed all those deer. I said nope, only the three in the den, the others just poked their head in to see what was going on.
 
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DJ

Guest
Re: Stupid Sign

Chum Slick,<br /><br />You have got to add a "fat dead green fish" (bass) to your collection. Then, besides the mounted cats, you'll be there. :D
 

Alrobot

Petty Officer 2nd Class
Joined
Mar 24, 2002
Messages
119
Re: Stupid Sign

I agree that Jeff Foxworthy has some funny stuff. He is famous for "You might be a redneck..." However I must ask that you give Bill Engval credit for "Heres your sign...". Just in case you want to look for his CD.
 

skier

Petty Officer 1st Class
Joined
Jan 31, 2002
Messages
336
Re: Stupid Sign

Big Al:<br /><br />You said it before I could. I was reading all of this and saying to myself that Jeff didn't do any of this and was going to inform any/all that wanted to be able to find the CD and you did it already. ;) <br /><br />Craig
 

skier

Petty Officer 1st Class
Joined
Jan 31, 2002
Messages
336
Re: Stupid Sign

I pull my boat with a 93 Mustang. I had a guy at the boat ramp (In CA) if I towed that boat with that car all the way from WA. I said no. I had a friend tow it with a F-350 and then I hooked on just to drop it in the water. I couldn't resist telling him that.<br /><br />Craig
 

MGuckin

Senior Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Jun 10, 2001
Messages
760
Re: Stupid Sign

It is a joke.<br />Don't have a clue who wrote it and I don't really care. Most jokes are borrowed. <br />I thought it was funny and figured I would pass it along.
 

62_Kiwi

Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined
Jan 20, 2002
Messages
1,159
Re: Stupid Sign

LOL MG - gave me a good laugh this morning!<br /><br />Most of the jokes I've posted are ones I've heard somewhere too. Maybe I have the advantage being in a different country of being exposed to different ones.<br /><br />Back to the subject...(true story)... I remember a friend telling me of a wild party he had at his parents' house when they were away (during teenage years of course). The next morning his older brother, who had been away for the night, (a very dry witted, man of few words type - permanent blank expression) came into my friend's bedroom after seeing all the empty bottles laying around the house, the stench of alcohol and puke, the furniture laying around upside down, blood all over the carpet, my friend laying on his bed (covered in blood and puke & groaning...) - "Had a party last night?"<br /><br />Apparently, those were the only words he said on the subject. :D <br /><br />P.S. I must admit that the story is starting to scare me now that my kids are getting to their teenage years... :eek:
 

ebbtide176

Commander
Joined
Jan 22, 2002
Messages
2,289
Re: Stupid Sign

if you haven't heard of Roy D. Mercer, you might like this link:<br /> http://www.roydmercer.com/main.htm <br />he's a DJ/comedian at a radio station who calls up people on the air. he poses as a redneck consumer that has a serious complaint.<br />-you can choose 'speed dial' and then pick a # to hear a short clip. funny stuff :D
 

steve forsythe

Petty Officer 1st Class
Joined
Nov 7, 2001
Messages
245
Re: Stupid Sign

Holly #@$%#!, take a break, sit down, and relax MG. I was not jumping on you, dont be so defensive!! Man.......
 

Alrobot

Petty Officer 2nd Class
Joined
Mar 24, 2002
Messages
119
Re: Stupid Sign

I just checked out roy's website. Funny, funny stuff. Thank You. I only pointed out Bill Engval because he is one of my favorite comedians. Right up there with John Pinette. Anyhow, keep the jokes coming...
 

MGuckin

Senior Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Jun 10, 2001
Messages
760
Re: Stupid Sign

Purse,<br />Ya lost me. Don't have a clue what you are talking about. Rest assurred I am always relaxed and I got to sit to type this.<br /><br />What not to say when pulled over by the police:<br />they say "You smell like alcohol, have you been drinking?"<br />"Gee Officer, your eyes are looking kinda glazed over. You been eating donuts?"
 

62_Kiwi

Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined
Jan 20, 2002
Messages
1,159
Re: Stupid Sign

LOL - just checked out the website and yep that Roy Mercer is hillarious!<br /><br />A few years back there was a DJ in Auckland called Kevin Black who made similar bogus calls. Great stuff. :D
 

Alrobot

Petty Officer 2nd Class
Joined
Mar 24, 2002
Messages
119
Re: Stupid Sign

A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.<br /><br />He gasps to the operator, "Bubba is dead! What can I do?"<br /><br />The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."<br /><br />There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
 
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