SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
Joke 1 A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for services. He was asked if he had health insurance. He replied in a raspy voice, No health insurance. The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, No money in the bank. The nun asked, Do you have a relative who could help you? He said, I only have a spinster sister who is a nun.The nun got a little perturbed and announced loudly, Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God. The patient replied, Then send the bill to my brotherinlaw.
Joke 2 Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it. Well, says the big alligator, what have you been eating? Politicians, same as you, replies the small alligator. Hm. Well, where do you catch'em? Down at the town hall on the edge of the swamp. Same here. How do you catch'em? Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite'em, shake the crap out of em, and eat em! Ah! says the big alligator, I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shaking the crap out of a politician, there's nothin' left but lips and a briefcase.
Joke 3 A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complained, I've been a little sick to my stomach. The older doctor said, Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick? As they left the younger man said, You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly? I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick. Huh, the younger doctor said, Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house. Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have theenergy she once did. I'm feeling terribly run down lately. You've probably been doing too much work for the church, the younger doctor told her. Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps. As they left, the elder doc said, Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it? Well, just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it,
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.I noticed the preacher under the bed.
Joke 2 Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it. Well, says the big alligator, what have you been eating? Politicians, same as you, replies the small alligator. Hm. Well, where do you catch'em? Down at the town hall on the edge of the swamp. Same here. How do you catch'em? Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite'em, shake the crap out of em, and eat em! Ah! says the big alligator, I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shaking the crap out of a politician, there's nothin' left but lips and a briefcase.
Joke 3 A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complained, I've been a little sick to my stomach. The older doctor said, Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick? As they left the younger man said, You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly? I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick. Huh, the younger doctor said, Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house. Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have theenergy she once did. I'm feeling terribly run down lately. You've probably been doing too much work for the church, the younger doctor told her. Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps. As they left, the elder doc said, Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it? Well, just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it,
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.I noticed the preacher under the bed.
