Talking Dog.

[kenmyfam]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in
front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He
rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the
backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador
retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk,
he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In
no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in
rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would
be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the
jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any
younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the
airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious
characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and
was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies,
and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for
the dog.


'Ten dollars,' the guy says.


'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing!
Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff !!!!

 

[eaglejim]

Re: Talking Dog.

Good one

 

[PeterMcG]

Re: Talking Dog.

Guy walks into a bar with his dog and tells the bartender that his dog talks.
Bartender is dubious.
Guy is willing to bet $100 that his dog can answer a question.
Bartender takes him up on the bet.
"What do you call the covering on top of a house?"
"ROOF ROOF"
Bartender is not amused.
"On the golf course, what is the name of the area of longer grass outside the fairway?"
"RUFF RUFF"
Bartender is visibly upset.
"Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?"
"RUTH RUTH"
The guy wakes up in the alley nursing a headache, split lip and bloody nose.
His dog slowly walks over to him looking sorry with his ears back and asks, "Was it DiMaggio?"

 

[BWR1953]

Re: Talking Dog.

True story...

I met a guy last week who had one of those little lap dogs. My girlfriend suggested that I get a little dog like that, to which I replied... uhh.. no. I really am not interested in a dog.

Soooo... my GF goes over to the guy and says "tell him to get a little dog like that." Before I could object, the guy says YES... and tells me to try this experiment.

"Put the GF and the dog into your car trunk on a hot day, then open it after an hour and see who is happy to see you and still loves you!"

I about freakin' died laughing! On the other hand, my GF was NOT amused!

 

[captharv]

Re: Talking Dog.

On that note this is also a true story.

I have a mild alergy to cats. However, I like cats, so we have had them for the 40 years we are married. The allergist (a woman MD) said that if the allery became more severe, I should consider finding another home for the cat. I said: "look, when I come in the door and sit down, my cat crawls up into my lap, licks my earlobes, and purrs. I can't seem to find a woman who will do that"
The Doc and the staff all shook their heads to indicate they understood, and alternate things were discussed.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Talking Dog.

Any more Dog / Cat jokes ??

 

[PeterMcG]

Re: Talking Dog.

A few reasons why a dog is "man's best friend"....

A dog doesn't ask about the previous dogs in your life
A dog's time in the bathroom is limited to a quick drink
A dog's parents don't come to visit
The later you are getting home, the happier the dog is to see you

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Talking Dog.

A few reasons why a dog is "man's best friend"....

A dog doesn't ask about the previous dogs in your life
A dog's time in the bathroom is limited to a quick drink
A dog's parents don't come to visit
The later you are getting home, the happier the dog is to see you

Good Ones !!!

 

[Jaide]

Re: Talking Dog.

The following ad appeared in a newspaper:

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE

SBF Seeks Male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a svelte good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love: long walks in the woods, hunting, camping, riding in your pickup truck, fishing trips, cozy winter nights spent lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call 555-2121 and ask for Daisy.

(The phone number was the Humane Society and Daisy was an eight week old black Labrador Retriever.)

 

[scipper77]

Re: Talking Dog.

So here I am sitting in the house after locking my wife and my dog out. The wife is at the front door screaming at me to unlock the door and let her in at once. The dog is at the back door barking loudly to come in.

The question here is which one did I let in.
Answer: The dog... because after I let the dog in it will STOP barking.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Talking Dog.

Keep them coming !!!

 

[Jaide]

Re: Talking Dog.

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.

The vendor is too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their 'dogs'. The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part... did you get...?"