TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG
Dear God:
Why do humans smell the flowers,
but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God:
When we get to heaven,
can we sit on your couch?
Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God:
Why are there cars named after the jaguar,
the cougar, the mustang, the colt,
the stingray, and the rabbit,
but not ONE named for a dog?
How often do you see a cougar riding around?
We do love a nice ride!
Would it be so hard to rename
the 'Chrysler Eagle'
the ' Chrysler Beagle'?
Dear God:
If a dog barks his head off in the forest
and no human hears him,
is he still a bad dog?
Dear God:
We dogs can understand
human verbal instructions,
hand signals,
whistles,
horns,
clickers,
beepers,
scent ID's,
electromagnetic energy fields,
and Frisbee flight paths.
What do humans understand?
Dear God:
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God:
Are there mailmen in Heaven?
If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God:
Let me give you a list of just some of the things
I must remember to be a good dog.
1 . I will not eat the cats' food
before they eat it
or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3 The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Ma's underwear
when she's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch
is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up
when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur
before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside
and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room
and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy'
so when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
