Uh oh

[oops!]

Re: Uh oh

not your worry !

your house rules are no booze......done..... case closed.....

out doors at a park can be super !

if their budget is really low, a lot of resturants have a dance floor and a dj.
(clubs) and would love to host the reception for allmost no money. just the cost of the meal. the people would buy their own booze and the under age are the clubs responcibility.

i used to dj a really busy night club in edmonton, (denny anderws american bar) and we had weddings all the time.....the dj just started earlyer. the couple's loved it.....no stress....at all....none.....simple decorations at the table, and they just had to pay for the first bottles of table wine, and they offered to pay for the head table's meals. but the head table uasually picked up the couples personal tab

 

[arboldt]

Re: Uh oh

Lots of excellent advice so far, but I'll try to add a few thoughts.

1) You and your wife need to examine your budget and determine the maximum you can afford to give them. Considering everything posted, this may not be that much, and the figure you actually offer should be somewhat less than your max.

2) Talk with your son and DIL-to-be together and tell them you have some concerns that you hope will be proved wrong (you don't need to elaborate what they are). As an essential first step, tell them you're able to give them $x toward their wedding, reception, etc etc *provided* they first get extensive premarital counseling. There should be some excellent pastors or other counselors in your area that do this. No premarital counseling, no funds. Make that very clear.

3) They will need to establish a comprehensive budget for wedding, reception, honeymoon, and everything. Tell them you will review this budget with them before any funds are given. Go over to make sure it's complete and reasonable. Tell them you're not going to micro-manage it, you just want to make sure they've done the actual planning. When you and your wife do review it, ask questions and don't make statemenets. Questions like "You've put a higher priority on x (costing $y) than z (costing ($$)?" Again, your objective is to force them to plan and make decisions as a couple. They will make all the arrangements and commitments (church / hall / park rentals, food, entertainment, etc). You can help them investigate and get pricing, but when it comes down to it, the signature on the dotted line is theirs, not yours.

4) The purpose for these steps is to force them to be realistic and gain practice in making adequate plans.

5) If you're willing to host the reception, be very clear on the ground rules. If you're not comfortable with alcohol, then you and your wife must decide *now* what you will do IF alcohol is there, and tell them about this decision. Be sure that you will follow through. If you live on a major road (because you see police stopping others in front of your house), a lot of cars may be parked on the roadside. To help protect them and everyone else, you may want to hire a sherrif's deputy for "traffic control." (Factor the cost of this in your contribution offer). If this is your approach, communicate this to the couple when you make your offer.

A couple years before our oldest son got married, his bride's parents cosigned a car loan for their other daughter and SIL. SIL defaulted, leaving the parents with ruined credit and all savings wiped out. Consequently, they could not fund anything for our son and DIL's wedding. They were very active and liked in a large church and their respective employers. They really wanted a big wedding, so they became very creative on how to pull it off on an extremely limited budget. It made them work a lot more (she and her mom made her dress, for example), but it also helped them pull together even more.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Uh oh

Thanks again for the concerns and thoughts. I got a hold of the youngster today. I invited him down to the dock this weekend to spend with me. Mywife works this weekend, so it will be just the two of us.

I'm going with a prepared list of questions. Some in which I've taken from these posts. I know he is dead set on wanting booze. It is their wish to party as adults. My question is how well are they going to behave as adults. Getting drunk and passing out is disgusting to me and that is what my wife and I don't want it. I can understand that being young and at the legal age is why they want to explore their new found right to drink.

I guess that I have seen my share of drunken parties as an observer and a participant. Now that I'm in my 50's, its just not a priority to me. This could be why my son and I had so much trouble in his teen years. He always wanted to drink with me, but I made it a point not to until he was of legal age. Now that he is legal to drink,,,,,,,I'm not wanting to and he can't understand why. Maybe I'm just trying too hard to set an example that life is good without the booze. At least I have found out that it is. Don't get me wrong, I'll still have a few drinks or beers down at the boat at the dock, but that is only occassionally. I know when I've had enough, just hate the feeling of getting hit by a truck the next morning. I lost many friends due to my choice of being more sober conscience than I use to be. I just hate to be so against the drinking part making the relationship between my son a rocky one.

Thanks again,,,,,the jury in my head is still deliberating

 

[Kenneth Brown]

Re: Uh oh

weddings are the cost of the brides family. rehearsal dinner grooms. tradition.

As the father of 3 girls this Daddy ain't gonna have it to give. Baby girl better get ready for tha chapel.

 

[Kiwi Phil]

Re: Uh oh

We went to a wedding 3 weeks back.
I understand the grooms mother wanted it "this way" and the brides mother "that way".
Now understand, neither of these families are short of a buck....money was no object.
Anyway, the bride and groom decided they would get married in the City Councils Registry Office..........stuff the hassels from the parents.
Invited guests turned up at 3pm.......bride wore a really nice dress (not bridal), it was a great service, then we all walked around the corner to a nice pub they had reserved a part of, we had drinks and snacks for 2.5hrs, and everybody went on their way.
We were sort of in groups, and our group (15) all went off to a nice dinner, which was not paid for by the bride and groom.
Wife and I reckon it was one of the niciest weddings we have been too.

If this is an appropriate idea for your son, then suggest he foot the bill for the booze and snacks at the pub.

Gee, can't believe he is 22yrs. Dosn't time fly.

Cheers
Phillip

 

[thefairlaneman]

Re: Uh oh

Without going into the age thing the best way to solve the reception issues is to rent a small meeting hall for the reception and let it be known a paid off duty cop will be there to deal with any under age drinking......Be prepared for the number to be small once this gets out,,,,,

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Uh oh

How soon is this meant to happen ????
I would make it known that this is a huge decision on responsibility and his entire future. Tell him to think about it and plan a year or so down the road for setting a date. Gives everyone a chance to think about it for a while. (and you can always cancel the venue with some notice) if things do not work out.
My father did this with me when i was 21 and more stupid than I am now. We set the date and the venue and 4 months later we cancelled as I had "seen the light"
One of the top 3 pieces of advice that he ever gave me !!!

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Uh oh

In my town is the old Ohio State Reformatory. Its a big old castle looking building. Shawshank Redemption was filmed there as well as some other movies. The restoration committee is surpose to have banquet facilites available by Aug 23rd. Plenty of parking, plenty of armed guards (new prison is next door), and plenty of old cells.

I think Carl would feel at home, but I'm not sure about the future DIL