We need some humor today!!

[Bob_VT]

A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He
was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like
he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything
to do with him.


The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came
into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After
complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his
arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use
an oral thermometer."


This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled
over and bared his behind.


After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce,
"I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get
back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses
under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing.
After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.


"What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers,
"What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their
temperature taken?"
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After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation."
:^

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: We need some humor today!!

"Police Quotes"

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"So, you don't know how fast you were going.
I guess that means I can write anything I
want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor,
but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention
that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm
warning you not to do that again or I'll give
you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will
determine whether you are drunk or not.
Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets
and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We
used to have quotas, but now we're allowed
to write as many tickets as we want."

"Just how big were those two beers?

"In God we trust, all others are suspects."

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: We need some humor today!!

"Olaf Olaffsen"

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is
fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants,
shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner
and sees a building with the sign, "Hans
Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?" he muses. "How the heck
does that fit in here?" So he walks into the
shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman
behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How
did this place get a name like "Hans
Olaffsen's Laundry?" The old man answers,
"Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is
the owner?"

"Me, is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like
Hans Olaffsen?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many
year ago when come to this country, was
stand in line at Documentation Center.
Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady
look at him and go, "What your name?"
He say, "Hans Olaffsen."

Then she look at me and go, 'What your
name?'"


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"I say, Sem Ting."

 

[JRJ]

Re: We need some humor today!!

Very gooddd

 

[scrapper]

Re: We need some humor today!!

Excelent all!8)d

 

[Tyme2fish]

Re: We need some humor today!!

OK this is not PC but here goes.
How do Chinese couples name their children?
They throw all the silverware down the stairs. Ching,chang bling.

Why do Chinese eat with chopsticks?
All their silverware is at the botom of the stairs.

 

[Vlad D Impeller]

Re: We need some humor today!!